


Aneth Ara

by Kanani



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Modern Girl in Thedas, POV Lavellan, POV Original Character, Solas Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-04-28 07:52:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 65,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5083915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanani/pseuds/Kanani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanani finds herself in Thedas armed only with her knowledge of future events.  To make matters more difficult, she finds herself in the body of a Dalish mage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The night was cool ant the moisture in the air chilled me to the bone. Fall in the Midwest was temperamental at best. I should have been prepared for the falling temperatures, but I hadn’t Yet again, I hadn’t expected my car to break down. A pair of jeans and plain black t-shirt was of no protection vastly worsening conditions. Snow and rain began to fall. I cursed under my breath and picked up my pace. Of all the nights for my car to break down. With three miles left to walk, I was looking at potential frostbite.

My apartment came into sight and filled me with relief and the illusion of warmth. My first priorities were a hot shower and a cup or two of equally hot tea. My body trembled. I needed to get inside fast. Headless of my surroundings, I ran.

A horn blared, and tires screeched. Headlights blinded me. I never felt any pain, only the sensation of sailing through the air. I landed in a slush filled puddle and stared up into the night sky, unable to move. A woman screamed in the distance. Everything was growing dark.

I was dying. A single tear slid down my cheek. _Please, not like this. I don’t want to die alone._

* * *

 

 

Evelyn Trevelyan dispatched the last of the demons with a thrust of her twin daggers. After a quick assessment of the conditions of her companions, she raised her marked hand. The strange magic roared to life, answering her will to close the rift. Just as the rift snapped shut with an audible pop, an elf fell to the ground in an unconscious heap.

“Holy Andraste!” Seeker Pentaghast exclaimed in shock. Cassandra had not been there when Evelyn fell from the fade, but there was no mistaking that this elf had performed the same feet. 

Evelyn rushed to the elf’s side, running an examining hand over her. Her body was badly bruised and broken, but she was alive. The Herald couldn’t imagine what happened to her to cause such extensive injuries. Perhaps she had been on the receiving end of a war hammer.

“Solas!” She shouted for the mage in their party. If anybody stood a chance at saving this woman, it was him. He had kept her alive after her trip through the fade, after all, and that was with the strange magic humming in the palm of her hand.

The apostate approached the fallen elf cautiously. He gazed down at her small form, amazed that another person survived a physical trip into the fade. She was badly injured, fatally, if she wasn’t taken care of immediately. He knelt beside the Herald.

“Can you heal her?”

“I will see what can be done.” He answered truthfully. He placed his hands over the woman’s body and allowed his magic to seep into her, examining the full extent of her injuries. Magic flared inside the elf, resisting the probing.

_So, she is a mage._

The woman was weak enough that her magic held no power over his and he was able to continue his assessment. Internal bleeding, several broken ribs and a crack in the neck. Deadly injuries indeed. He focused on the neck injury first, repairing the severed nerves and tendons, giving her use of her body once again. The internal bleeding was next. Sweat dampened his brow before he could begin healing her abused ribs. He cursed the weakness in his magic. He was stronger than this. With a final push of magic, the breaks mended, but bruised.

“That is all I can do for her.” Solas stood. “She will need rest, but she will make a full recovery.”

“Then we shall make camp here. It would be best to move her as little as possible until she regains consciousness.” Evelyn moved towards the horses to unpack their gear.

Cassandra moved to help unpack. “Do you think she is perhaps another survivor of the Temple?”

“Perhaps. It will be impossible to tell until she wakes and is able to give us her story.” Evelyn rolled her shoulders, “I’d rather we treat her as a victim of the war, not a prisoner. It is not fun waking up in a strange place shackled in a dungeon.”

“Are you still upset about that?” The seeker asked, “I made my regret known.”

“I know, Cassandra,” Evelyn dropped her hand on the warrior’s shoulder, “you did what you thought was right. I would have done the same in your position. Just be on your guard.”

“As you wish, Herald.”

Evelyn let out an exasperated sigh. “Stop calling me that! It’s pretentious and full of responsibility. I hate it.” Seeker Pentaghast chuckled and began readying the camp for nightfall.  The Herald, with the assistance of Solas, wrapped the unconscious elf into a bed roll and under the cover of a tent.

“Our friend here is a mage, Herald, I assume that won’t be an issue?” Solas studied the little mage. She bore a simple striking blue vallaslin across her cheekbones, marking her a follower—no, slave—of Mythal. Why was this Dalish elf away from her clan? Perhaps there were too many mages in her clan. With no Templars to assist them in “managing” mages, most Dalish only kept two or three mages in the clan before they start sending them away.

“Not at all.”

 

* * *

 

 

When was the last time I went camping? I pulled the sleeping bag up to my nose and breathed in the clear, crisp air. Birds chirped happily and the buzzing of a fly somewhere nearby brought a smile to my face. I preferred the wilderness to city life. I never liked the smell of exhaust or the constant noise of neighbors at two in the morning. The funny thing was, I didn’t remember going camping. The last thing I remembered was—my eyes snapped open and I jolted to a sitting position. My ribs protested at the movement and my head felt like it was going to split apart at the temples. I sat in an old canvas tent covered in a rustic sleeping bag.

A nightmare? It had to be. I was still alive and not in a hospital bed. Somebody outside of the tent laughed. I recognized the voice, but couldn’t place it. I crawled out of the bed roll and ran my fingers through my sleep-tossed hair. My hand froze on contact with the pointed ends of my ear.

Panic overtook me and I tossed open the tent flap. Sitting around a campfire were four people that shouldn’t exist. 

“Ah. You’re awake. How do you feel?” Varric the impossible to exist dwarf asked. 

I shook my head in denial, “No. no. no. Not possible.” 

The inquisitor, female rogue by the looks of her dagger, rose from the stump she’d been sitting on. This wasn’t happening. I was dreaming. No, the car accident was a dream. I started to tremble. What if, what if I’m dead?

“Calm down, we aren’t going to hurt you.” The rogue tried to make herself less imposing and was using a voice reserved frightened children.  I stared into the cat green eyes of the rogue. She looked exactly like the woman I created at the beginning of the third Dragon Age game. Her skin was a lovely golden tan and her hair, cut short except at the top where raven black hair fell in soft waves.

She reached out to touch my shoulder. I panicked and jerked away from her hand.

Cassandra, the might seeker, reached for her sword. The game did not fully encompass how intimidating she truly was. Her presence was overwhelming. Seeing the sword slide free from it’s sheathe sent my panic over the edge. I turned towards the tree line and ran.

“Andraste’s flaming ass, Seeker.” Varric cursed loudly.

The trees gave way to a tall cliff face roughly a mile from the camp. I was trapped. Where was I? Who was I? I tentatively touched the tips of my ears. I brushed my fingers through my hair. It felt different; softer, straighter. I pulled my hair in front of my face. It was blonde. I shouldn’t be a blonde. I had brown hair. I even felt physically different. Being slightly asthmatic, I never could run very well or for very long. I should have been gasping for breath and dizzy. I wasn’t even winded. I felt stronger.

The exploration of my new body was interrupted by the sight of a familiar elf stepping out of the shadows. Solas. He looked the same as I remembered, only taller, more refined. This man was always a mystery and a wonder to me. I always romanced him as a female elf. I couldn’t _not._ It just felt right. I wonder what he would to say or do if I told him the truth. That I was living inside a fantasy world written by a group of people who only sought to entertain the masses.

“Ir abelas.” He spoke quietly, “We did not mean to frighten you.”

All thoughts fell out of my head. His voice sent shivers down my spine. I swallowed convulsively. What do I say to an elven god? I searched the trees for signs of the others. I saw nothing but small woodland creatures. My keen eye sight shocked me. Was anything about me the same?

“Where am I?” My voice was barely louder than a whisper, but he heard me.

“The Hinterlands. What is the last thing you remember?”

I slipped into the memory of my nightmare. My death. Snow, rain, a car screeching to a halt, but too late. Lying on the pavement, unable to feel my body. A broken neck, a blessing and a curse. I didn’t want to die, not like this. Cold and alone.

My head throbbed and I clamped my eyes closed. The memory faded and tears were falling down my face. It didn’t feel like a dream, but what else could it be? A dream within a dream? Perhaps that’s what this is. Panic bubbled up again, but I didn’t let it consume me. I gathered my composure as best I could and met the steel blue gaze of the Dread Wolf.

I was about to lie to the Dread Wolf. “I don’t know. I don’t remember much.”

He studied me openly. He was unnerving, though it was most likely intentional. “Do you know your name?”

“Yes.” I would not give him my real name, but my elven name from my second play through of the game. It only seemed natural and it was a name I would recognize as my own. “Kanani. Kana for short, if you’d prefer.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Kanani. You may call me Solas.” He bowed his head politely. “Do you remember where your clan is located? Perhaps we can see you safely home.”

I touched my cheeks tentatively, presumably where my vallaslin was. My clan? The only clan that came to mind was Lavellan, the clan that my elven character belonged to in the game. “Lavellan, they roam the Free Marches. I’m sorry, that’s all I remember.”

“Do not apologize. You have done nothing wrong.” _Not yet,_ His eyes said. He did not fully believe my story. I would have been surprised if he had.

“I’m sorry.” I bowed my head, an old habit I couldn’t break. I cursed myself for my weak, submissive behavior. My inclination to apologize for everything was something that most people hated about me. Solas was not a person I wanted upset me with. I bit my tongue in frustration. 

A branch snapped behind Solas. I tensed, fearful of a potential attack. The Hinterlands were far from safe. Static electricity crackled between my fingers. I yelped in surprise and rubbed my hands on my clothing. I only then realized I was in Dalish keeper gear. I guess it only made sense that I wore clothing of this world.

“Shit!” What the hell was that? I was no stranger to static electricity, but only when running around in socks and touching metal objects.

“It was only a fennec. Nothing to be frightened of.” Solas raised a curious brow at my reaction 

“Did you do that?” He was a mage after all. He shook his head. I glanced at my hands and the static flickered again, this time tiny purple tendrils danced across my fingertips. “You have got to be shitting me.” I knew my body felt different, off somehow, but I assumed it was because of the transition from human to elf, not the presence of magic in my blood.

I definitely had Solas’s attention now. I shook my hands, willing the electricity to disappear. It didn’t, it only grew in intensity. Solas drew closer. I pressed myself against the rocks. “Don’t come any closer. I can’t control this.”

“You cannot harm me.” He reached out for my lightning encased hand. I felt a rush of warmth emanating from his hand. Was this what magic felt like? I always assumed it would cold and sharp, especially his. “You need to relax. Your magic is reacting to your fear.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one who just learned you’re a mage.” I snapped.

“No, but magic is as easy as breathing, it bends to your will. If you will it away, it will go, but only if you truly believe you can. Magic is only dangerous to those with a weak will.” He coached.

Fear of this world and what it meant for me dominated my thoughts. Mages who couldn’t control their powers were slaughtered. It was impossible to not be afraid. The lightning grew in intensity and I gasped. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can.” He sounded so certain. Of course he did, he was the freaking the elven god of rebellion.

Irritation began to outweigh my fears. How dare he stand there, straight as an arrow and tell me that magic was easy. He had no idea. He was born into a world where magic was everywhere, not this veiled world that he created before slipping into Uthenera.

“Ma halani, Solas!” I shouted. I knew Dalish when I heard it, but never in my life have I spoken more than a word or two. It amazed me that I was able to speak, and understand what I said. _Help me._ “ _Show_ me how to control it, damnit!”

Solas looked taken aback by my usage of elvhen, I knew that it was a dying language, and most clans only knew a few passing words and phrases. That was a question for another day. Magic filled the air around me, dousing me in a warm security blanket. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feel of it. I could feel Solas’s iron will, his confidence. It moved as an extension of his body. Magic wasn’t simply something he could do, he _was_ magic. Magic was a part of me, the same way my arms are a part of my body. I took a deep breath and relaxed. It was easy to do, surrounded in the strength of Solas’s magic. I felt like a warm bath at the end of a long day. Comforting and safe. The electricity surrounding my hand died, leaving my fingers tingling and the tiny hairs on my arm standing on edge.

“Ma serannas.” I thanked him. “I learn fastest by being shown, not told. Telling me how to control is about as effective as telling a dwarf how to dream. It’s not possible.” I shook out my hand and rubbed it once more against my clothing.

“You’re welcome.”

Pain shot across my ribs. There was that pain again. I clutched my right side where the pain was the worst. “What happened to me?”

“You fell from a rift. You were covered in wounds almost beyond my ability to heal. As you can tell, I was not able to heal all of the damage. It’s nothing more than bruised ribs. You will make a full recovery.”

“I fell from a rift?” How curious. My memory loss story was a little more believable than I thought. The Herald of Andraste suffered from memory loss after her excursion through the fade. She only lost the events of the Temple, not her entire life story. I was going to have to come up with something fast. The “I lost my memory thing” would only get me so far.

Varric managed to sneak into our presence without me noticing. Solas didn’t seem surprised by his presence. He was probably used to the dwarf popping out of nowhere. “Is everything alright over here, Chuckles?”

I could feel the elf’s urge to roll his at the nickname given to him. Of course, he wouldn’t lower himself to such petty actions, at least not in the company of others. “She is no longer in a panic, if that is your question.”

“Sorry about that,” Varric paused, unsure what to call me.

“Kana” I supplied.

“Kana,” He nodded his thanks, “are you feeling better? You looked pretty beat up when we found you.”

If I came through the rift with the same injuries I left earth with, Solas expended major magic to heal me.  I owed him my life. “Despite a headache and pain across my ribs, I feel fine.”

“Good. How about we head back to the camp where it’s warm.”

I hadn’t noticed before, but it was chilly. Not as cold as I would have expected considering my feet were covered in nothing more than a foot wrap. Perhaps the elvhen had cold resistant skin?

“That woman, the one with the sword, she isn’t going to try anything, is she?” I had to be careful. I couldn’t let on that I knew their names, or anything to do with them.

“She will want to question you, no doubt.” Solas answered.

 _Interrogate me, you mean_. If I fell from a rift and they had yet to learn of the Elder One, I was probably a suspect. This was going to be one hell of a trip.


	2. Chapter 2

We traveled across the Hinterlands helping people, defending their lands and scouting locations for watch towers at Master Dennet’s request. _Demand more like._ I told myself. He was milking the Inquisition for all it was worth. I expressed my concerns with Evelyn and Cassandra. They agreed with my observations, but continued to help him. His horses were more valuable than gold. He did sugar coat our arrangements with one of his prize geldings. A gift for kings, he called him. The rest of use received mounts as well, but none as perfect as the gelding. While we already had two horses of our own, they were used more as pack mules than riding horses. We would make faster progress this way.

There black and white Dalish All-Bred among the four horses granted to us. I fell in love with her immediately. She brought her nose down to my hand hoping to find a treat. Her lips brushed against the palm and I smiled. It tickled. She snorted her displeasure at the lack of food and turned her head away.

“You’re a demanding thing, aren’t you, little lady.” I rubbed down her neck. She woofed and snorted.

There was a crash and the sound of a horse whickering. Several unpleasant curses flew from the disheveled dwarf from two stalls over. “I think I need a step stool.” Judging by the straw sticking from his hair, he’d fallen in an attempt to mount the horse.

“Maybe we should find you a nice little pony.” I teased. Varric and I had become friends quickly. We both had something in common; we were storytellers. We took turns over the campfire after our companions were asleep, telling wild tales. Most of mine were edited versions of personal tales, but most of them were ones I imagined as I traveled the world of Thedas though my TV.

“Like a pony could hold me.” The dwarf snorted. “I’m short, not tiny, Blue.” I smiled at the nickname he gave me. Varric was not a person to call most people by their given names, except for a small few. Mine was given because of the blue vallaslin gracing my cheekbones.

The morning after I arrived in Thedas, Evelyn had handed me a small travel mirror so I could try and properly fix my hair. Gone was the face I grew up with. My face was all angles and elfy-ness as Sera would call it if she were here. My eyes were no longer a pale green, but a striking lyrium blue that seemed to glow in the dark. My hair was once thick, wavy and mousy brown, now it was the soft yellow of corn and straight as an arrow. For the first time in my life I felt pretty. I wasn’t ugly before, but neither was I good looking. I was as average as they come. I found I liked my ears all tall and pointy. I took pride in them and took to pulling my hair in a ponytail, leaving only the shorter hairs to frame my face.

I patted Lady on the nose and walked over to Varric to give him a leg up on the horse. “I believe we are going to need to carry around a cute wooden stool with you name engraved on it, so you can do this without needing a hand up.”

“That’s not a half bad idea,” Varric laughed and put his foot in my offered hands. He may be a short one, but dwarves are build thick. I struggled to get him high enough for his foot to reach the stirrups.

I pulled Lady out of her stall and hopped up with ease. I sat proudly in my saddle, preening for the dwarf. “You see, that’s how you mount a horse.”

“I’m not even going to begin with how bad that sounded, Blue. Looks like our resident seeker is ready to get a move on. Best not keep her waiting.”

I eased my newly acquired horse in a gentle trot and followed behind the rest of my companions. There was something freeing about walking across the countryside with a handful of people. Cassandra was still aloof, Evelyn joked and bantered with Varric and me, but I could see her assessing eyes. She was a smart woman, and didn’t believe the entirety of my story. Until we made it back to Haven, Evelyn had to trust my word. I knew she would ask Leliana to do an extensive search, ferreting out all of my flaws and lies.

Solas remained silent, but curious. He kept a close eye on me, looking for slips in magic. I hadn’t had any other instances with uncontrollable electricity, but there was always the possibility, especially with as often as demons attacked us. I stayed out of the fray, holding the reigns of the horses while the experienced combatants did their work. I wasn’t a fighter, and I didn’t trust myself to try and actively use magic.

I could feel the hum of energy beneath my skin. It was empowering and terrifying at the same time. I was uncomfortable with the knowledge that I could fry somebody into dust if I lost control. I was all for mages being free, they deserved the same treatment like everybody else, but I could see some of the reasons why people wanted them corralled. The power over the elements made any mage a force to be reckoned with. Who needed guns and weapon technology when people were walking flamethrowers?

My first up close experience with combat came during our meeting with Blackwall. I’d forgotten about the bandits that attacked while Evelyn tried to get answers out of the Grey Warden. An arrow meant for the Inquisitors face found itself embedded in Blackwall’s shield instead. How he knew it was coming was beyond me.

Two mages and four warriors charged through the trees at us. I hid myself as best I could around the side of the cabin. Spells flew and swords clashed. The farmers struggled to fight, most of them did enough to keep themselves alive and let the seasoned fighters handle it.

Solas was a damned fine mage, using minimal mana to erect barriers around his companions and flinging bolts of ice from the end of his staff in between. Cassandra and Blackwall worked as a team to corral the enemies towards the larger of the boulders, effectively pinning them as our dagger wielding rogue scaled the boulder unnoticed by the enemy. With a feat of acrobatics almost inhuman, Evelyn jumped from the boulder, flipping and landing on the shoulders of one of the warriors. Her daggers jutted out of the hollow of his throat. I held back the bile rising in my throat. I never thought myself to be squeamish, but being this close to a perforated artery was almost too much. Movies never get it right; not enough blood.

A bolt of fire slammed hard into my chest, throwing me away from the safety of the building. I hit the ground hard. The air rushed from my lungs, choking me. My ribs blossomed in pain both from the collision with the ground and my previous injury. I rolled to my side and brought myself to my hands and knees. I struggled to draw in a proper breath and my vision unfocused. I would not pass out. I closed my eyes and focused on my magic, the constant hum of energy just below the surface. It danced at my call, pouring from me in gentle, warm waves. The pain in my chest eased and I was able to breathe once again. I rose and faced the mage who threw the fire. He threw a second ball only to have it dissipate upon contact with my magic.

I recalled the sensation of lightning tingling down my hand, extending from my fingers. I imagined a bolt of lightning, strong and fast. Purple electricity exploded from my fingers with a crack of thunder. My aim was true and the mage convulsed as the electricity tore through him. He collapsed in a heap of smoldering clothes.

My magic settled and dissipated with the passing of immediate danger. The smell of charred flesh hit my nostrils and I dropped to my knees, retching. A warm hand rested between my shoulder blades. Solas stood there, concern plain in his eyes. The battle must be over if he was concerning himself with me.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

Physically, I felt better than I had in my life. Mentally, however, I felt like a murdering monster. The charred remains laid there, a testament to what I was truly capable of. I did not like it. This world was made for stronger willed people than myself. I answered Solas truthfully, “No. I’m not.”

“For what it is worth, you handled yourself well considering the circumstance.”

“I killed a man.”

“In self-defense.”

“It’s still murder.” I retorted. Self-defense or not, that man was dead. What if he had a wife or children?

 “Is it murder when a wolf kills a deer?”

I shook my head. “No, that’s part of its nature. It has to eat to survive.”

“It’s a part of your nature to defend yourself. Do not blame yourself for something out of your control. It was kill or be killed. Either way, somebody would have ended up dead.” He inclined his head and turned the corner of his mouth up in a half smile. A look I never thought I’d garner from him. “I for one am glad you survived.”

I felt myself blush from my cheeks all the way to the tips of my pointed ears. I turned from him in an attempt to conceal the embarrassment. I didn’t know how to respond to such a comment.

“Come, let us check on the Herald. She was nursing her left ankle. She will pretend all is well until she is unable to walk.”

Embarrassment forgotten, I looked for the Herald. Sure enough, she was doing her best to hide a hobble. Remembering the power of the healing magic I conjured earlier, I glanced back at Solas. “May I attempt to heal her?”

“If you feel you are able to.”

“I won’t know unless I try. Will you come with me and keep an eye out just in case?”  _In case I accidently electrocute her or something_. I said silently. Solas understood my concern and motioned towards Evelyn.

After a few moments of gently arguing with her about her stubbornness, I had her sitting on a small boulder with her boot off. The magic came easier, more fluidly. It took on an ice blue hue, the same color as my eyes as it flowed around my hands. Evelyn’s foot twitched as the magic coursed through her. I could feel, almost see the damage done to the tendons. Solas stood behind me, watching carefully. With no outward signs, his magic flared to life, showing, no— letting me feel how healing magic worked. His magic was like a guiding hand, embracing mine, showing me how direct it.

I gave the Herald a gentle pat on the top of her foot. “All better.”

“Thank you.” She gave it a test wiggle and jumped off the rock to further test the joint. I personally would have felt better if she’d rest it a little longer just in case I hadn’t repaired it completely, but she gave no complaint. She gave me a roguish grin and a thumbs up, “having two mages around is pretty handy!”

“Not all mages are as adept at healing, Herald.” Solas commented with a grin aimed at me. I could see his pride. I had passed some hidden test. “Even so, I would recommend you try to refrain from injury. Wouldn’t want our Lady Herald scarring her face.”

“Scars just prove I was bigger and badder than the person who gave them.”

Varric chuckled, “They also show that you weren’t fast enough to dodge.”

“Oh shush you, you’re ruining my moment!” Evelyn put her fingers to her lips.

“As fun as it is to watch you guys, we should continue our talks with the Warden.” Cassandra motioned to Blackwall. He was talking to the farmers, giving them a morale boost and sending them back to the farmsteads.

I stayed back with Solas and Varric while the Herald and Cassandra spoke with the warrior. While the same for the most part, this quest was different than I remembered. There were no mages in the group that attacked my Inquisitor, nor did Cassandra join in on the talks. My fingernails bit in the palms of my hands. I bit my lower lip and let out a worried sigh. Had my presence altered the events of this world? This was a tiny, almost insignificant change, but what of the future?

“Don’t dwell on it, kid.” Varric patted my gently on my back. “It was bound to happen sooner or later. Best it happen when you’re surrounded by friends.”

_Friends, huh?_ I was unable to suppress a small smile. I’d never had any real friends before and to hear Varric call me one was heartwarming. “Thank you, Varric.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in two days! This ones short and sweet, but I since I posted chapter only hours ago, I didn't think you guys would mind. Also, a shout out to all who have left me with kudos and comments. They keep me writing!

Our journey through the hinterlands continued. Blackwall upon joining the Inquisition, told us he would meet us back at Haven. I contemplated asking Evelyn if she was okay with me joining the Warden, but thought better of it. I would need magical assistance if I lost control again, and Solas was our only mage. As we moved from one rift to another, I inquired about the Herald’s inner circle.

Sera was the first person they recruited. Evelyn loved the little elf to pieces and enjoyed her pranks and brash personality. It seemed they already started working as a team around Haven, leaving booby traps for people and leaving lizards in Solas’s bedroll. I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of it. I only hoped the poor lizard didn’t get fried.

Iron Bull and the Chargers were already camped out at Haven waiting for orders. The Inquisition was still unsure of the Ben-Hassrath’s motivations. Evelyn enjoyed the Bull’s personality, but she was taking the advice of her advisors. She wouldn’t take him out on the field until they were sure he didn’t have anything sinister in mind. I knew Bull as genuine in his offer to help the Inquisition. Sure, the orders came from Seheron, but in time he would see Evelyn and her inner circle as friends, perhaps even family. Hell, if she played her cards right, he would leave the Qun behind.

Vivienne, much to my surprise had not been recruited. Evelyn went to see her at her salon, but decided upon hearing her talk that she would not benefit the Inquisition. I disliked the woman immensely, but I always recruited her. The fact that Evelyn decided she wasn’t worth the trouble, worried me.

Nights in the Hinterlands were cold, to say the least. My companions huddled in their bedrolls after the sun went down, only staying unwrapped if they were on watch. The cold never bothered me much as a human and as an elf, I hardly noticed. Tonight was particularly cold and I could hear the teeth of my companions chattering from across the fire. I waved them off to bed with assurance that I would stay watch for the first part of the night.  They crawled into their tents and left me without any complaint.

The fire crackled and danced in the breeze, hypnotizing me with its beauty. Camp fires had always entranced me. They were calming and warm. As a human, that mean safety. Wild animals feared the flame. It was a part of our instinct to huddle around it. It still had that sway over me. It was nice to still have that sentiment in this strange and dangerous world.

I held my hand out to the flame, careful not to touch it. I focused on the energy humming below my skin. I concentrated on the fire, pushing my will and my magic into. _Grow._ I willed. The fire crackled and kicked embers into the sky. One of the larger embers hit my hand and I yelped in pain. I glared at the fire and bit back a few choice swear words.

“You know, Da’len, not every mage has an affinity for fire.”

I jumped off my log and spun around. Solas was leaning against his tent with a knowing smirk on his face. “Jesus Christ, you scared me!”

“I’m not familiar with that particular curse, but I did not mean to startle you.”

_Damnit!_ I swore at myself. Using modern day Earth words would be a fast way to blow my cover. There was no way to take back my words, so I pretended I did nothing wrong. “Make a noise next time. Clear your throat or something.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. What were you trying to accomplish?” He motioned to the fire.

“I just wanted to see if I could make it grow. I can summon lighting easily enough, I just thought fire wasn’t too different.” I shrugged.

“With practice, I’m sure you’ll be able to conjure a simple flame. You’ve only recently come into your magic, so it will take time.”

A stupid, wonderful idea came to mind and I tried to squash it down before I could grow to like it. Unfortunately, I had no such luck. “Teach me.”

“Teach you?”

I stood in front of him and lowered my head. “All mages, regardless of origin have somebody to teach them to control and harness their magic. The Dalish have the Keeper and the humans and city elves had the Circles. You are a mage of no small talent. Please.”

 “Before I agree to teach you. I would like to test your magic to see what schools of magic you are most compatible with.”

My head snapped up. I searched him for hidden motifs or lies. He held the countenance of the stoic mage he pretended to be. How anybody could look at him and see hermit was beyond me. He screamed nobility in the way he clasped his hands behind his back and his head held high. No apostate on the run from templars would stand so tall and proud.

He held his hands out, palms up. “Place your hands on mine.”

I did as he asked. His hands tingled with magic, warm and tingling. It brushed against my hands, tickling the skin. I couldn’t help but smile and squirm a little bit. “Don’t fight my magic. I will not hurt you. Close your eyes and concentrate on where our hands touch. I will meld my mana into the different types of magic. Ice, fire, lighting and spirit. Try to do as I do. You won’t be able to do them all with ease. Most mages only specialize in one or two.”

His magic was familiar to me and it was easy to fall into its strength. Just as I grew used to the feel of it tingling in my hand, it changed. His magic became cold and sharp. _This must be ice magic._ I concentrated, trying to match his power with my own. I remembered how the snow and ice felt on my skin and tried to imitate it. My magic twisted and chilled, but not nearly as cold as his had been. Lighting was next. Sharp and fast. My magic flared in response. I knew if I opened my eyes, purple tendrils of magic would be crackling around our hands. This continued with all of the elements, including one I didn’t know, but it felt earthy in nature.

“You continue to surprise me.” Solas remarked as our hands fell to our sides.

I smiled proudly. I hadn’t been able to conjure ice, or fire, but the other three I had been. Lightning, spirit, and the unknown magic. I decided to ask him about it. “The last one, I don’t recognize it.”

“It’s an old magic, a school that is not taught in the Circles because it is thought to be blood magic, or something akin to it. I only tested it on a whim, not thinking your magic would react to it at all. You seem to have the innate ability to shapeshift.”

I stared at him, mouth hanging open in shock. There were only two mages in the game that could change their shape. Morrigan and Flemmeth. Perhaps it’s the blood of Mythal that grants it to them. How did I have such a skill? Perhaps more mages had the talent, they just weren’t trained to harness it. Yes, that was most likely the case. But why had Solas tested me?

Of course. The Dread Wolf had the ability to change into a large wolf.

“So, will you teach me how to harness my magic?”

“I will, but I do not have the talent for electricity you do. I can however teach you to harness your spirit magic and perhaps if you excel, I will teach you the arts of shapeshifting.”

I don’t know what came over me, but I hugged Solas in a moment of happiness. He was stiff under my touch and I pulled away quickly. How long had it been since he’d received any acts of kindness? It broke my heart to think about it.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.” I apologized. “I was just overjoyed.” I groaned inwardly. I sounded like an idiot.

“It is to be expected.” He dismissed me with a wave of his hand. “You should get some sleep. I will take over watch.”

I wilted. All my happiness drained with a single, hardened look from Solas. “Good night, Solas.”

I slept fitfully and awoke to the sound of a raven outside. I pushed the tent flap back to see Evelyn removing a message from the black bird’s foot. “We are going back to Haven.” She announced after reading it.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse has been on a roll! Saber_Sloth, this one is for you!

The journey to Haven was long and filled with anxiety. Evelyn was afraid of what her advisors were going to ask of her next. She would have to make a decision upon her return. Help the rebel mages or recruit the templars. She was being pulled in both directions and was afraid to hurt the feelings of those she decided to not listen to. Having been sharing a tent with our lustrous Herald of Andraste, I became her way of venting her problems. I wasn’t tied up in the Inquisition like everybody else. I was new and hadn’t yet formed opinions. _If she only knew the truth._ I would sit and listen, only offering advice where I would not have any sway over her decisions.

After one of our sessions, Evelyn took my hands in hers, bit her lower lip and looked at me with hopeful and hesitant eyes. Her bright green eyes begged and pleaded. I stifled a giggle. She reminded me of Puss in Boots, all cute and adorable.

“Okay, what do you want?” I broke under the pressure of a cuteness overload. “And for gods’ sake, stop looking at me like that!”

She released my hands and laughed. “Will you join the Inquisition? I could use another mage to travel with. I’ve been working Solas too hard and he needs a break. I know you’re new to it all, but Solas has been teaching you, no?”

Solas had kept his end of our agreement and began lessons the first night we camped on our long trip home. Mostly, he taught me how speed the growth of plants, heal damage caused by our stepping on them. Tonight we started on defensive magic.

“Our lessons so far have been elementary, nothing that would be of much use on the field of battle.” I summoned a small bit of electricity to the tips of my fingers. The static tickled my skin and caused the tiny hairs on my arms to stand at attention.

Evelyn poked her finger in the dancing tendrils of energy and laughed when it zapped her playfully. Her short black hair stuck out in every direction like I’d rubbed a balloon on her head. I dismissed the magic and doubled over laughing. “Evie, your hair.” She grabbed her travel mirror out of her pack and laughed when she saw what it was doing.

Varric thumped the side of our tent, “You know some of us are trying to sleep, right?”

We exchanged identical, amused glances and laughed even harder.

The tent flap opened, “You better be decent in there, because I’m coming in.” Varric threatened with a chuckle. He took one look at Evie’s hair and joined in on the laughter. “That’s quite the statement you’re making with that hair.”

An idea hit me like a bolt of lightning. I grinned mischievously and brought the static electricity back to my fingers. Evie glanced at my fingers and over to Varric and nodded enthusiastically. Before the rogue knew what hit him, I gave his arm a slight jolt. The effect was immediate and we howled in laughter. The dwarf of the incredible chest hair looked akin to a Pomeranian with the way his hair—all of it—stood straight up.

“What in Andraste’s name is going on in here?” Cassandra poked her head into the tent. Our calm and collected seeker snorted back laughter by covering her mouth with her hand. Her eyes glistened with tears and she ducked back out of the tent as quickly as she entered.

Varric looked around at his frizzy blonde halo of hair and down at the hair on his chest. “You are one crazy kid, Blue.” He started smoothing out the hair on his head. He kept his chest hair sticking out for the world to see. “I might have to keep this style. It does my hair proud.”

“Just give me the word Varric,” I held up my static filled fingers and giggled some more, “and I’ll have you styled in a snap of my fingers.”

He laughed heartily, “I don’t doubt it, kid. You guys should try and get some shut-eye. We’ll be in Haven tomorrow and I’m sure everybody will want something from our dear Herald.”

“Ugh, I hate that title!” Evie groaned.

“Goodnight, ladies.”

I caught sight of Solas sitting on a large rock as Varric exited our tent. He glanced in our direction, takin note of Varric’s voluptuous chest hair. Even he was unable to hide his amusement. The left side of his mouth lifted in a half-smile. I took that as a small victory and snuggled into my bedroll.

“Evie.”

“Hmm?”

“I think I will stay.”

She reached over and grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Good. You’ve become a friend, and I’d hate to see you go. We will help you recover your memories and get in touch with your clan. I’ll send Leliana’s scouts north. I’m sure they can find something.”

“You don’t need to do that. I’m sure my memories will come back in time. As for my clan, I have a feeling I left for a reason.”

* * *

 

_Screams echoed off the ancient stone walls. The scent of blood and death burned my nostrils. Men and women scrambled to find shelter amongst the chaos. I stood in a circle of bodies a staff in hand, crackling with electricity. Grey Wardens surrounded me and the Divine. I tried to protect the human leader, but I was overwhelmed by the four warden mages. Wave after wave of magic barraged me until I screamed in agony. Only when my body went limp did they stop their onslaught. Stuck between here and the veil, I prayed to Mythal to protect me and all the innocents trying to escape the chaos._

_A creature—for I had no other words to describe him—materialized in the room. The four mages channeled their energy into the Divine, lifting her off the ground. Ropes of energy wrapped around her wrists like bonds, effectively holding her in place. The creature spoke then, I was too far into the fade to make out his words. I was dying, that much I knew. I only wished there was something I could do to help the Divine._

_The large doors blew open and a human woman stepped through. She took in the situation with a trained eye. Her words pierced my ears clear as day, “What’s going on here?” She demanded._

_More chaos ensued. The Divine took the distraction and swatted an orb from the creature’s hand. It rolled towards me and the human. Whether the human meant to or not, she reached out and grabbed the orb before it rolled into my side. Green light exploded from the orb and everything went black._

I sat up, short of breath. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon and the birds had begun their morning songs. Evie was still sound asleep in her bedroll, oblivious to the nightmare that shook me from my sleep. I slipped out of the tent and stoked the dying fire. Once it was burning brightly again, I checked on each of the horses, patting them each on the nose and giving them an apple from one of the satchels.

“You’re up unusually early.”

Startled by the voice, I yelped in surprise. The horse I was feeding—Varric’s—huffed at my sudden noise and tossed his nose in the air.

“Shh, it’s okay Tavern, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” I reached for his muzzle and stroked it gently when he allowed me. I glanced over my shoulder at the elf who had startled me. He really needed to learn to cough or something. It was too good at sneaking around unnoticed. “Good morning, Solas.”

Amusement flickered in his eyes, “I apologies for startling you.”

Tavern settled down and I fed him another apple to make up for scaring him. “I thought I told you to make noise or something when you come out of nowhere.”

“I did not come from nowhere. I was sitting at the campfire the moment you stepped from your tent. It is not my fault you were so lost to your thoughts that you failed to notice me entirely.”

I started to argue that he had not been there, but decided against it. For all I knew he had been. I wasn’t exactly in my best mindset. “Be that as it may, what are you doing up so early? I thought you preferred the fade to reality.”

He caught the snarky undertones of my voice and replied with a smile on his lips. “It was simply my turn for watch. Somebody needs to keep an eye out for unsavory bandits while the ladies get their beauty sleep.”

“Right.” I brushed past him and sat in front of the fire. “Tell me, Solas, how do you tell a dream from a memory?”

He remained where he stood, only shifting around so he could face me. He studied me for a moment before replying, “You believe you’ve regained a memory.” It wasn’t a question.

I stared into the fire, running my fingers through my unbound hair. “I don’t know.”

“Tell me of this dream.”

And so I did. I gave him every little detail, down to watching the woman—Evelyn I realized as I retold it—barging into the room.

“Why does this cause you so much fear?”

I felt the tears building only a moment before they slipped down my cheeks. It couldn’t be a memory, it was impossible. I was from modern day Earth, not Thedas. If I had memories of a life here, what did that mean for me? Which of my memories were real? Was it even possible to tell the difference?

Solas sat beside me and gave me the comfort of his hand on my back. “Da’len, I cannot help you if you do not tell me the truth.”

“How can I give you the truth if I do not know it myself?”

“The truth is often laid before us. All you need to do is open your eyes and look. Listen to your instincts, Da’len, they are often right.”

Perhaps the explosion at the conclave was powerful enough to shake the barriers between worlds. An idea started forming, one I wasn’t sure I liked, but it felt right.

“What do your instincts tell you?”

I wiped the tears from my face. “That I’m stuck here.”

It was hard to miss the confusion on the elf’s face. It wasn’t often something threw the Dread Wolf off. Seeing him confused and unknowing made him seem a little more real and less of a powerful god. He removed his hand from my back and placed it in his lap.

“You are different than most Dalish.”

I blinked owlishly. I expected many different responses to my enigmatic statement, but not that one.

He smiled then and rose to his feet. He offered me his hand. “Come, let us start the preparation for the day’s travel.”

I took his offered hand, “You can’t just tell me I’m different from the Dalish then dismiss it like that. What do you mean I’m different?”

“You do not allow superstitious beliefs to rule your actions. You came seeking guidance from me, a flat-ear—as most would call me—instead of praying to the gods for answers. You treat everybody as an equal.”

_Oh, Solas, if you only knew._

“I don’t believe we should judge a person by the shape of their ears or the hair on their chests. I do not believe one race is better than another. We are all creatures trying to get by with what is offered to us.”

“It is that belief there that sets you a part from the Dalish. You continue to amaze me.”

I blushed from the tips of my toes to the tips of my ears. “Flatterer.”

“Perhaps.” He smiled then, pride glistening in his eyes.

I blushed harder than before. Before I could swoon, I turned and ducked into my tent. I shook Evie awake. I knew she still had an hour of sleep left, but I could not be the only one awake with Solas right now.

“Huh, what?” The Herald asked blearily. She took one look at my cherry red face and her eyes flew open. “What happened?”

I covered my cheeks with my hands. “Just wake up and save me from swooning like a teenage girl! I’ll tell you all the details later.”

“Aw, you’re so cute when you blush!” She cooed and I swatted her arm.

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm beginning to think my muse has possessed me. The amount of writing I've done the past few days has been insane! I'm not a hundred percent sure I like this chapter, but here you guys go! Feel free to give me your thoughts and opinions!
> 
> without further ado, I give you chapter 5

Haven was nothing like I remembered from the games. Instead of the half dozen buildings on the game, there were dozens. It was more believable that Haven was host to a small army. The general layout was similar, but only that tents stood erected outside of the city gates and the Chantry was the largest building. Even the chantry was different than I remembered. It was no small church, but a moderate sized cathedral.

Evie called a gathering of her inner circle to the chantry. She ignored the pleas of the advisors to join them in the war room immediately.

“Whatever you have to tell me can wait a few minutes. Surely the world won’t end if I don’t.” She leveled Leliana and Cullen with a look that made me want to take a step back. The conceded with the barest of nods and retreated to the war room without further pestering.

 “I just wanted to introduce you to a new member of the gang.” Evie gave me a shove, forcing me to the front of the group. Immediately my ears turned red and felt my heart flutter nervously. I didn’t do well at the center of attention. I suffered from a nasty case of stage fright. “Everybody, meet Kana Lavellan. Kana, this is Sera, and _The_ Iron Bull. I believe you know the rest.”

I took my first good look at Sera and Bull. Sera was damn near identical to how I remembered her. I always had a hard time determining her true eye color since the game rendering was always a bit off when they did close-ups of the elf. I smiled. I had been right, they were a light almond brown. She was much prettier up close.

And then there was Bull. The Iron Fucking Bull. I knew the qunari were a huge race, but damn. I had to crane my neck just to see the top of his horns. His chest was almost as wide as I was tall and his muscles bulged almost obscenely.

“Uh-huh.” I stammered.

“You sure do like picking up stray puppies, don’t you, Boss?” Bull laughed. His voice boomed off the walls, making me want to take a step back. He was far more intimidating than Cassandra could ever hope to be.

“I don’t bring home puppies, Bull. I bring home friends.” Evie corrected. She giggled a little bit and patted my head like a dog and I turned beet red. “You keep blushing like that, Kana, and you’ll swoon.”

I swatted her hand away and stuck my tongue out at her. She was still waiting for the juicy details about Solas. “If I swoon, you promise to catch me?”

She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively, “I think I’ll save that for a knight in shining armor.”

“Evie!” I hissed at her.

“Oh, I like her!” Bull chuckled again.

“Not bad for a Dalish.” Sera agreed. “As long as you’re not too elfy, I think we’ll get on just fine, yah.”

I nodded to Sera. She was a brash, obscene little elf, but she always held a special place in my heart. I gave her a smile, “I don’t think anybody would describe me as being elfy.”

“Good. Hey, Ladybits! See you at the tavern later, yah?” Sera looked over my shoulder at the Herald. Evie smiled and nodded her head.

“I’ll be there as soon as I get this meeting out of the way. I’m pretty sure they are plotting to knock me unconscious so they can drag me to the war room.” She pinned her gaze to Bull, “Don’t think I forgot that you owe me a drink. I expect you to pay up later!” With that being said, she waved goodbye and pranced off to the war room with a skip in her step.

Everybody went back to whatever they’d been doing before Evie gathered them all up. I only noticed that Blackwall had not been among the group. He probably wouldn’t join the inner circle until after Evie had a private conversation with him.

Varric was the only one who didn’t leave. “Well, Blue, how about we see what we can do about finding you lodging. I doubt you’ll want to bunk with the Herald forever.”

“I honestly wouldn’t mind.” I said truthfully. “Evie is the first friend I’ve had. I enjoy her company.”

“Your first friend?” He inquired.

“I may not have my memories, Varric, but I know this. Loneliness has been my constant company until I met you guys. But, you’re right. I cannot bunk with her forever. She’s going to be a busy woman in the days to come and she is going to want a place where she can be alone to gather her thoughts.”

“That is downright depressing, Blue.” Varric rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he led me from the chantry. “We are packed well beyond capacity, but I’m sure we can find you housing.”

“I don’t want to be a burden on anybody.”

“You are not a burden.”

“I don’t want to force somebody to share their living quarters with me. I can set up a tent somewhere. That is more than enough for me. Dalish, remember?” The thought of living permanently under a tent did not thrill me, but I refused to be forced on somebody.

“You are overthinking this, Blue. I said I’d find you housing, not that I was forcing some random person to accept you as their new roommate.” He patted me on the back. “I know this is probably your first time in a human village and you are overwhelmed. You’re not the first Dalish I’ve help acclimate to the city-life.”

He was speaking of Merrill. She’d been completely floored by the conditions of the alienage that she started to panic. I must look on the verge of the same thing. Anxiety attacks were something I hoped I was free from now that I was here, but the impeding feeling of despair began to overwhelm me. I cursed under my breath as my stomach knotted hard enough I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t have an anxiety attack here. Of course, my mind had other things planned for me.

“Blue, you need to breathe. You’re going to hyperventilate.” Varric’s gentle hand guided me to a rudimentary bench beside the requisitions table. It was almost laugh worthy to see it standing there. Threnn was even standing there, mulling over paperwork. I must have let out some sign of my amusement despite my anxiety attack because Varric looked concerned, “Don’t lose it on me, kid.”

A shadow fell over me, but I didn’t care enough to look up to see who it belonged to. Varric was right, I needed to slow my breathing. I was becoming dizzy.

“Is everything alright?”

“Chuckles, maybe you can help. I don’t seem to be doing a very good job.” Varric sounded defeated.

“What happened?”

“We were talking about finding her a place to stay when she started panicking.”

“Ah.” Solas sat on my other side and placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Da’len, can you hear me?”

I gave the barest of nods. I couldn’t stop my hyperventilating or my panic. It had been years since I had an anxiety attack to this extent. That one ended up with me puking my guts up, breathing into a paper bag for several minutes and a Xanax. Unfortunately I had neither the medication nor the paper bag, and I really didn’t want to throw up on anybody’s boots.

A comforting warmth spread from the palm of Solas’s hand, spreading across my skin like a warm bath. My muscles relaxed and I was able to breathe properly again.

“Better?”

Panic still bubbled in the pit of my stomach, but it was no longer consuming my body and mind. I breathed a sigh of relief. The touch of his magic was better than any medication a doctor back home could prescribe. I wondered if it was something I could learn, or if my panic induced mind would be able to properly use magic.

“I’m glad you walked by when you did. I was afraid she was going to either faint or puke. Possibly both.”

“As am I.” Solas removed his hand. “How do you feel, Da’len?”

“Better. Thank you.”

“You have nothing to fear here in Haven.”

 

It wasn’t until the fear and panic dissipated that it became clear to me why I panicked the way I had.

“I don’t fear Haven. I’m afraid of being alone. I know Haven is full of people, but none of them know me, or will want to know me because of my ears and vallaslin.”

Fear of being alone never bothered me before coming to Thedas. Over the last few weeks I felt myself change. I no longer feared getting close to people. I craved conversation and the gentle touches of friendship. I’d gone twenty-five years without any of it, but now that I had a taste, I was addicted. I feared losing my connection with the only people I knew in Thedas. They kept me anchored here. Kept me from losing my mind to gnawing questions that swam in the back of my mind.

Varric started to speak, but I interrupted him, “I’m scared that you guys will set me up in a nice little hut and go about your business like I never existed. I know this is all insanely stupid and childish, but I’m scared you guys will leave me.”

“I don’t think any of us are going to forget you. You made one hell of an entrance.” Varric offered a faint smile. “If it will make you feel comfortable, I’m sure the Herald won’t mind your continued stay.”

“We should talk to her before making anything final.” I replied, feeling stupid and embarrassed. “Thank you for listening to me make a fool of myself. I think I’ll walk around a bit.”

Neither of them stopped me. I made my way through the strange yet familiar village, wishing for the first time that I didn’t know the future. I wanted to blend in and claim blissful ignorance.

I wandered through the long winding pathways and roads through the village. I started to lay out a mental map of the place. It was vastly larger than I expected, but the general layout was the same. I found the apothecary and the hut I knew to be Solas’s. The tavern was easy to spot. It was the second largest building in town and if that wasn’t a dead giveaway, the smell of alcohol was. I continued wandering until I found myself back at the front of the chantry.

As luck would have it, Evie pushed open the big doors. “You are a sight for sore eyes, Kana.” She sighed with exaggeration. “I thought they were going to keep me locked in there all night. Come on, I need a drink. Hopefully the drink that Bull owes me, and Sera will be pissed that I’ve made her wait this long.”

“You want me to come drinking with you?”

“Absolutely, my Dalish friend. I am going to get you so drunk Bull’s going to have to carry you back to our place”

_Our place._ A weight lifted from my shoulders and I couldn’t restrain my smile. “As my Lady Herald commands.” I gave her an exaggerated bow.

Evie was a woman of her word. I lost count of how many mugs of ale I had after the sixth. Thedas alcohol was much better tasting than the heavily processed shit back home.

“You should have seen him! His hair was out to here!” Evie delved into our comedic encounter with my magic last night. The entire tavern was howling with laughter by the end of the tale. Bull clapped me on the shoulder damn near spilling me off my bar stool.

“Do it again!” Bull grinned down at me.

“Oh maker, please, Kana!” Evie gave me her puss in boots look again. Have I mentioned how utterly adorable she looked when she did that?

“I’d love to.”

Cheers went up around the table. Varric abandoned his love of attention to try and escape my sparking fingers. To my surprise it was Blackwall that grabbed the collar of our rogue and held him still. He’d been so quiet I hadn’t seen him there.

“Common Blue, I love you and all, but do you gotta do this in front of everybody?”

“Gotta give the audience a show.” I reached out and tapped the top of his head. The results were immediate and hilarious. Not only had my static electricity zapped Varric, but it traveled through him and into Blackwall. The laughter that ensued was thundering. “I’m…so…sorry!” I said between ragged breaths.

Both men struggled to right their hair. I sat back on my stool and regained some of my drunken composure.

Varric sat next to me and poked me in the ribs. “I’ll get you back for that.”

I took another long drag from my mug, emptying its contents. “I would expect no less.”

Sera slid on my other side. “I don’t like magic, but that, that was funny. I might havta take you with me sometime.”

“Take me where?”

“Pranks! That trick is perfect for pranks. You should learn more.” She gave me a toothy grin and darted off as quickly as she arrived.

Varric laughed. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re feeling better. After tonight, I doubt anybody will forget about you. You give yourself too little credit. You even managed to snag the attention of our resident brooding elf.”

That caught my attention. “What do you mean?”

“Chuckles can’t keep his eyes off you. I don’t think it was by accident he chanced upon us earlier.”

“You mean he followed us?” I paled at the idea. “Why would he do that?”

“He is a man underneath all the stoic, broody attitude and you are a good looking elf. Not my type, mind, but still easy on the eyes.”

“You’ll make Bianca jealous, talking like that!”

“Nah, she knows I only have eyes for her.” He patted the crossbow that was still strapped to his back. I wouldn’t put it past him to sleep with it.

“That gives me a very uncomfortable mental image. I think I need another drink to make it go away.” I waved for the bartender to fill my glass.

Iron Bull took the seat previously occupied by Sera and slapped some coin on the table for the bartender. “After that show, you aren’t buying your drinks for the rest of the week. I haven’t seen anything that good in a while. Cheers!” Bull clinked his mug against my own and downed the entire thing in one go. I took a healthy swig and set my mug down. “Oh common, Pup, you can do better than that! Open your throat and let it burn all the way down!”

I shook my head. There was no way I could chug the entire thing and not throw up. “Pup?”

A man I recognized as Krem stood off to Bull’s side laughed. “The Chief gives everybody nicknames. It’s his favorite pastime.”

“Why pup?”

“Because you’re the stray puppy the Boss brought home.” He explained like it made perfect sense.

“Take it. The chief only nicknames those he likes.” Krem explained.

I laughed, “You don’t even know me.”

“I’m Ben-Hassrath. I can tell a lot about a person by looking at them. And you, I like. You’re a good kid.” His big hand dropped on my head. He ruffled my hair playfully. “I’m just curious to see if the pup has fangs.”

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see what Kana looks like, check out this YouTube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjaDrYG7Gdc

I’d finally gotten used to life in Haven when Evie pulled the inner circle to the war room to discuss our next mission. Our Herald was torn between seeking help from the templars or meeting with the mages in Redcliffe. Judging by the apprehension in her posture, she’d come to a conclusion.

“I thought long and hard about this, and I know some of you won’t like my decision. If I could do both, I would, but my advisors are certain that if I go to the mages first that the templars would reject us and vice versa. So, after a couple of weeks of deliberation, I’ve decided to go to Redcliffe and speak with the mages.”

Immediately Sera huffed in irritation and Cassandra seemed unsettled by the notion. They both held their tongues, much to my appreciation.

“I’ve also already decided who will be joining me to Redcliffe. If we are to seek out the mages, it would be imperative to have mages with me. Solas and Kana, I would greatly appreciate your assistance. Iron Bull, I would like you to join us as well.”

Cassandra puffed out her shoulders. She was clearly not happy with the Herald’s choice of company.

Evie was an observant woman, “Cassandra, I know you dislike sending me out without your watchful eye, but I cannot logically bring a seeker to a meeting with the mages. They would see you as a threat.”

“I…as you wish, Herald.” She bowed her head in resignation.

It was my turn to voice a complaint. “As honored as I am to be chosen to travel with you, Evie, are you sure it is wise? I’m not somebody you want guarding your back. Not yet.”

“I wouldn’t bring you with me if I didn’t trust you. Solas has given you high regards.”

I turned to Solas. “Are you serious?”

He smiled at me. Something only I was accustomed to. He gleamed with pride. I was amused that he was showing this much emotion to the others of the inner circle. He usually regarded them with his stoic hermit persona. I’d been lucky enough to be shown a different side of him. It made it very difficult to stay emotionally unattached.

“I wouldn’t lie, Da’len. You have the talent, you only need to work on your confidence. You are far more adept in wielding your magic than most circle mages.”

I was baffled by their trust in me. The rest of the inner circle seemed to agree with Solas, well except for Sera who wanted nothing to do with magic. Honored as I was, I really did not want to be there for reasons none of them would comprehend.

I fumbled for another excuse not to go, “I don’t even have a staff yet!”

Evie laughed, “Kana, sweetheart, you think I’d take you into potential hostile lands without the protection of a staff? You wound me.” She clutched the breast of her leather jacket and feigned injury.

On cue, Josephine stepped out of her office with a staff in her hands. She handed the weapon to me and waited for my reaction. The staff was a few inches taller than I was, but had the weight of a feather. The wood was dark in color and held the hum of primal magic running through it. Enchantments, I presumed. I traced my fingers over the carvings traced along the shaft. Wolves and hunting dogs, foxes and coyotes. It would seem my nickname, Pup, held sway over its design. Fashioned on top was a white crystal ball, held there with a leather strap. It was perfect.

“It wonderful!” I exclaimed. I’d never been given anything of such craftsmanship before and it was hard to hold back the tears of joy.

“I’m glad you like it.” Josephine curtsied with a smile. “I also took the liberty of having your armor enhanced. I hope you do not mind.”

I handed my staff to Solas to hold while I tackle hugged Josie. This was the first time truly talking with her outside formalities, and I loved the little Antivan. She was so innocent and sweet. “You’re the best Josie!”

“You are most kind.” She smiled and hugged me back.

Iron Bull cleared his throat, “So, Boss, when are we leaving?”

“First thing in the morning.”

* * *

 

To say I was a nervous wreck was an understatement. I didn’t sleep well, despite Evie’s close comfort and my dreams were plagued by nightmares. The night before we were expected to arrive at Redcliffe, I was visited by my first demon.

Red lyrium grew out of the stone walls. Water sat stagnant at my feet, untouched for months. Behind a pair of iron bars stood Solas. His eyes held a sickening red glow and his clothing hung around him in loose tatters. He was far too thin. Behind him Bull sat behind bars with his knees drawn up to his chest. He was also thinner and casting an eerie red glow.  

“You’re alive.” Solas spoke with a voice I could barely recognize as his. It was gravely, tainted. I shuddered. This was not the tall, proud elvhen that I knew. “We saw you die!”

I approached the bars. I knew this scene. I’d seen in a dozen times. Redcliffe castle one year in the future if Evelyn died. With no memories on how I got here, it dawned on me that this was a dream.

Dorian’s voice filled the air with an echo. I gasped and spun around to see the Tevinter. We hadn’t met him yet. Following the script of my memory of the scene, he began explaining the situation to Solas.

No, this was wrong. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. Bull should not be here in the room with us. He should be on the other side.

“Can you reverse the process?” Solas stepped out of the prison. He stopped within touching distance. Closer than the real Solas would ever stand.

“That all depends on our friend here.” Dorian’s voice changed. It grew deeper with a hint of a growl. I backed away from the Tevinter, only to back into Solas. Solas’s hands wrapped around my upper arms, effectively trapping me. His grip was far stronger than it should have been.

“All of this can be changed. None of this ever need to happen.” Solas and Dorian spoke in unison.

The beginnings of an offer were easy enough to see. Offers were only given by demons looking to possess a body. I growled under my breath. “It won’t happen! Evie will make sure of that. Get out of my head, demon!”

“How can you be so sure?” Demon Dorian traced his finger down the side of my face. “You being here changes everything. Your presence alone could throw the entire timeline out of control. Things have already changed, haven’t they? Small and subtle, but those add up.”

I tried to bite his finger in an attempt to ignore the truth in his words. “I believe in Evie and the Inquisition. Even if being here screws things up, I will help them fix it! I don’t need you to do that.” My magic welled beneath the skin. “This is your last chance to go, demon. I will not say it again.”

The demon’s illusion melted away, revealing a rather large fear demon. With the imaginary Solas no longer holding me, I backed up. It was easy to yell at the demon while it wore the faces of people I knew, but standing there in all its horrible glory, it wasn’t. Fear ballooned inside my chest. My body reacted to my fear in the best way it knew how. A panic attack. Even in the fade I was susceptible to them. Shit.

“I will have you.” The demon hissed. It reached out with its clawed hands.

A deep, feral growl reverberated off the stone walls. The demon and I both turned to see who had joined the struggle. A large white wolf the size of a small horse stood in the doorway. His storm blue eyes narrowed in anger. I’ve never seen the wolf inside of Solas, but I knew with every fiber of my being that this wolf was him. My panic simmered and the Demon howled in rage.

“She is mine!” The demon roared.

The wolf snapped his jaws and his ears lay flat against his head. He was pissed. The demon took up the challenge and attacked. I stood rooted to the ground. Fen’Harel was battling a fear demon inside my nightmare. Most Dalish elves would be frightened at the sight of him. I wasn’t. I was entranced. Magic flowed from the wolf, strong and protective. The feel of it was similar to Solas’s magic, but it was louder. Either way, it was definitely Solas.

The battle ended with the wolf’s jaws shredding the throat of the fear demon. The demon dissipated in a shower of energy and all traces of lingering fear left with it. Even my surroundings changed. We no longer stood in the fetid basements of the castle, but in an open field of flowers for as long as the eye could see.

Fen’Harel stood where the demon fell and watched me.

I bowed my head to the Dread Wolf, “Thank you.”

He cocked his head to the side, a gesture I took as confusion. Either way, it was super adorable and made me want to rub his ears. Have I mentioned I have a weak spot for dogs?  I took a step towards him. He mimed me and took a step backwards.

“I’m not going to hurt you. Not that I would stand a chance against those teeth of yours.” I kept my voice light and cheery. He may be Solas, but I wasn’t sure how much of the wolf persona he took on in this form.

The wolf huffed and bared his teeth. It wasn’t a threat, he was just giving me a better look at just _how_ big his fangs were. His canines were almost the size of my hand.

“All the better to eat you with.” I muttered under my breath. I chuckled at the childhood nursery rhyme. Fen’Harel heard me, but didn’t understand the humor. “It’s part of a nursery rhyme. It’s about a wolf that tricks a young human girl by taking the form of her grandmother.”

My explanation seemed to amuse him. His ears were no longer plastered to his head, but straight up and alert.

“Thank you for your help. I’m not sure what would have happened had you not interfered.” He gave me the doggy equivalent of a nod. I felt myself being pulled from the fade. It must be morning.

* * *

 

I woke up to Evie perched beside my bedroll shaking me gently. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and smiled at her. She flashed me a toothy grin. “Breakfast is ready. I thought you’d want first pick before Bull gets ahold of it.”

My stomach rumbled in appreciation. She left me to dress and ready myself for the day. By the time I stepped out of the tent, Solas was sitting by the fire. I grabbed a helping of bacon off the fire and sat beside him. Evie handed me a steaming mug of tea. It was better than any tea made back home. It was a shame Solas hated the stuff.

“Sleep well?” Solas asked.

_You tell me, Fen’Harel._ I stuffed a piece of bacon in my mouth, giving me a reason to not reply right away. How much had he seen before stepping into help?

“I slept fine. How was your journey through the fade? Find anything interesting?”

“There is always something interesting to find if you know where to look.” His roundabout way of answering was irritating, but that’s what made him Solas.

_Like my dreams?_ This was a dangerous dance and I didn’t know the steps. Luckily I was spared. Iron Bull was awake and it was time to break down camp and get a move on. We had rebel mages to talk to.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween, everybody! And because I love this holiday, you guys get 2 chapters!

Our meeting with Alexius went as expected with only a few small variances.  The biggest and most noticeable was how Felix looked. The game showed him to look fine, but he was clearly not. His skin was paler than it should been and I could see, just under the surface of his shirt collar the darkening of his veins. I’m not sure my companions noticed the discolorations. I noticed because I knew to look for them. The second difference was how Felix got the note to us. He still feigned weakness, only he stumbled into me and not Evie.

“You are in danger. Meet me in the Chantry.” I read the note once Alexius hurried Felix out of the tavern. I handed it to Evie. She pressed her lips in a grim smile.

“It’s always something.” She sighed.

“It could be a trap.” Bull pointed out.

“Most likely, but knowing it could be a trap will give us an edge.” Solas added. “I suggest we check it out. Something here isn’t adding up.”

With nods of agreement all around, we started to leave the tavern. I paused, noticing the tranquil man standing almost awkwardly in the corner. The magister evicted all the tranquil from Redcliffe, except this man. He refused to leave. I couldn’t leave him here at the mercy of Tevinter. After a quick word with Evie, we approached the man. When it was decided that he would join us in Haven, I smiled. He would be an excellent agent.

Again, I was amazed to see the city of Redcliffe was different than the one rendered in the game. It was at least double the size. It made more sense this way. There was no way the small rendered city could house all the villagers. The chantry was even larger, but I didn’t have time to admire it. Evie’s anchor started flickering. She pushed open the grand doors. As I expected, a large rift sat in the middle of the room with demons pouring out. And standing in the center of the demons was Dorian Pavus. He used his staff to beat a demon to death before sparing us a glance.

“Great! You made it, now give me a hand, will you?” He said almost happily as he clubbed another demon over the head.

Needing no further encouragement, Iron Bull pulled his large battle axe from his back and charged in like well, a bull. Evie drew her daggers and disappeared into the shadows. Solas and I exchanged glances, both of us holding our staves in our hands.

“Have confidence.”

He darted off to a corner of the room, throwing up barriers around our melee fighters. I steadied my breath and channeled my magic through my staff. It was the first time using one, but muscle memory took over. In a flourish of movements similar in style to Solas, lighting shot from the tip of my staff towards the demons. The staff amplified my combat magic, made it easier to cast. Three demons materialized around Dorian and I acted. I slammed my staff into the ground. Chain lightning cracked around them, arching and bouncing between the three demons until they were nothing but dust.

“Nice shot!” Dorian complimented as he summoned a fire glyph under the feet of a shriek. It exploded with finesse and the demon was incinerated.

Evie sliced through a rage demon and raised the anchor towards the rift. With a snap of magic, all the hairs on my arms stood up and the rift disappeared. Dorian was fascinated with the anchor and poked and prodded at it until Evie swatted him away. This was not at all how the conversation started, but it was far more entertaining. Leaving our boss to talk with the Tevinter, Solas and I found an unbroken pew and sat down. Iron Bull stayed by Evie’s side in case Dorian tried anything unsavory.

“You handled yourself well.”

I leaned my staff against the pew and dragged the back of my hand across my forehead. I’d worked up a sweat. The chain lighting spell took more out of me than I thought it would. “It’s easier when I’m not fighting against people. I don’t have to worry about as much. Demons don’t have children waiting for them at home, or husbands or wives.”

“That is true, but I believe we had a similar conversation before. Battle becomes easier with time. It is obvious to me that you grew up away from violence, and while it’s wonderful to see somebody who cherishes life, it’s a dangerous way to live. Others won’t think twice about bringing you harm.”

“I know. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to come along. I would be a hindrance.”

Solas chuckled and shook his head, “Da’len, you are not a hindrance. Your storm magic is powerful and you wield it with enough precision to avoid accidently striking an ally.”

I blushed at the compliment, but it didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t sure I could fight a living person and not lose my cookies or fall into a panic attack. I really needed to see if there was any ways to treat panic attacks without magic. A potion of sorts.

A deal was struck. Dorian would travel back with us to Haven. He would be key to our success at getting into Redcliffe to meet with Alexius once more. Evie was quick to accept his help and I could tell she thought the young Tevinter was attractive. I hated to be the one to break it to her, but that Tevinter wasn’t interested in her lady bits.

~~

The meeting in the war room grew heated enough everybody in the chantry could hear it. The advisors were torn between sending Evie into a guaranteed trap and trying to coerce her into meeting with the templars instead. Eventually the fighting died down and all of us were antsy to hear the outcome. Evie and Commander Cullen stepped out of the war room, followed by a rather cheery Dorian Pavus. The Tevinter mage was unabashedly staring at the Commander’s posterior.

“What have you decided?” Cassandra asked what we were all thinking.

“Leliana gave us the location of a secret tunnel into the castle. Dorian will sneak in with her agents to get past any magical warding. Cassandra, I would like you and Solas to accompany me to the meeting itself.” Evie explained.

I blessed my lucky stars that I was not chosen to go with them. I wasn’t sure I would have been able to keep my mouth shut and try to stop her from traveling into the future. I didn’t like the idea of her having to witness that much horror, but it would strengthen her resolve.

“Another matter has come to our attention while you were in Redcliffe,” The commander spoke. All eyes turned to him. He was much larger than I pictured him to be, but it could be the added bulk of his armor. He was absolutely gorgeous and everything all the women of my world wanted him to be. “Scout Harding sent word from the Storm Coast. It seems a group of our scouts have disappeared while on a mission to negotiate with the local bandit group. Since the Herald will be unable to assist in this matter, I was hoping a small group of her inner circle would be willing to look into this matter for me.”

“Absolutely,” Blackwall clapped his hand over his chest. “I am willing to lend a hand.”

“Thank you. Take a small group, no more than four. We don’t want you attracting too much attention. Once you learn anything, send word with one of Harding’s ravens.”

“Yes, Sir.” Blackwall bowed his head. He gazed over at the gathered inner circle, assessing us one at a time. I tried to make myself as small as possible. I really didn’t want to go. I knew if I did, combat with fellow people would ensue. “Iron Bull, Kana and Sera.”

Bull grunted in affirmation, Sera gave a little cheer, excited to be able to plug things full of arrows and I groaned in defeat. It made sense, I supposed. I was a healer and an able combat mage, and maker only knew there would be injuries. Between the bandits and scattered darkspawn, a healer would be ideal.

“A sound group. I will leave you guys to prepare for your travels. Maker be with you.” The commander turned on his heel and went back to the war room.  

Back in the hut that Evie and I shared, I busied myself with packing my travel bag. I didn’t own much, just a change of plain mage robes—unarmored—along with several ties for my hair, a comb made of bone and a travel mirror. All gifts from Evie. Perhaps this mission would grant me some form of coin. I was tired of relying on others to pay for things. If I was going to live here, I needed to make my own money.

Evie joined me eventually. We worked in silence. Her travel bag was much heavier than mine. It was amazing she was able to cart it around. She carried over a dozen potions, a spare set of daggers and the basic essentials. We propped our bags by the front door and plopped on her bed. A minute or two passed in silence, but Evie was not one to keep quiet for long.

“So, you and Solas, huh?”

My eyes went wide and my ears burned. “No! No, it’s not like that.”

She cast me a sideways glance that told me she didn’t believe a word. “Oh common, a woman doesn’t turn that red if it was nothing.”

I covered the tips of my ears. “He’s my teacher, nothing more.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Oh, yes you are. I’ve seen the way you look at him when he’s not looking. He watches you, too, though he’s better at hiding it than you are. Let’s not forget the morning you woke me up, blushing so hard I thought you would explode. I’m not blind, Kana, you have it bad for the broody elf.”

I groaned and flopped backwards on the bed. I looked up at the ceiling. “Okay, so I have a crush on him.”

She squealed louder than a pack of nugs, “Sera owes me a sovereign. That will teach her to bet against me!”

I laughed. “Sera wouldn’t be able to imagine anybody liking Solas. I believe her words were, ‘his head’s stuck up a thousand year ago.’’

“Sounds about right. She means well, and I understand where she’s coming from, no offense.” I waved her on. I wasn’t offended. Hell, I wasn’t even rightly an elf. She sobered, “Tomorrow, yeah? It’s not going to be easy.”

“You’ll be fine, Evie. Just follow your instincts, they won’t lead you wrong. And stop letting the other’s prejudices against Dorian get to you. I don’t think he’s a spy, or that he is trying to trick you. I genuinely believe he is here for the good of all. Though, if you ask him, he’ll deny it and find a way to boast his good looks or something.”

“You sound so sure.”

“I am. I’m trusting my instincts. Cassandra and Solas doubt his intention, so does Bull, but it all stems from their mistrust of Tevinter in general. Just remember, just because the magisters are assholes, doesn’t mean everybody from Tevinter is an asshole.”

“He does have a nice ass.”

I laughed, “Yes, he does. Too bad our friendly Tevinter likes men. Have you seen the way he ogles Cullen?”

Evie’s face turned bright red. “Oh, Maker, you’re right! No wonder the Commander is so unnerved by him!”

“Evie, just make you come back in one piece? Don’t let the nasty magister get the better of you.”

“You better come back in one piece, too, you hear me?”

We smiled and gave each other a hug. It was amazing how quickly Evie and I grew to depend on each other. I would miss her terrible jokes and having somebody to sleep next to. Perhaps Sera would let me share her tent. On second thought, no, that was a horrible idea. I would either wake up with something drawn on my face, stuck in my hair, or worse, her snuggling with me. I liked her and all, but I did not swing that way.   


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As another treat, I used some of the in-game party banter between Sera and Bull. It was too funny not to!

I hated the Storm Coast with every fiber of my rain-soaked body. How anybody could live near this horrible depressing place was beyond me. I didn’t understand how the area wasn’t flooded. It rained—no it _poured—_ for three days straight. The break in the weather lasted long enough for my clothing to dry only to have it start all over again. The only one who didn’t seem phased by the rain was Bull. Nothing seemed to truly bother the giant qunari.

The third day we found the encampment Scout Harding set up near the coast. The area was familiar. I could see down the small bluff where Evie would have found Bull and his chargers fighting off a group of Venatori. We took time to rest our horses and grab some food before getting the rundown of the situation.

Harding was as small and cheerful as I thought she’d be. She was shocked to see the inner circle here to assist her with her missing agents. She offered us as much information that she had. We had a direction and a potential location. Blackwall and Bull thanked the dwarf and turned towards me and Sera. Sera had wanted to stay the night and rest a little more before going off, but she was over ruled by our warriors. The longer it took for us to look for them, their chances of survival grew smaller. Sera admitted they were right and grumbled about hating this wet piss-hole. Her words, not mine.

Shortly after our second skirmish with darkspawn, Bull glanced over his shoulder at Sera. I could see the wheels turning between those horns of his, “Sera, I had a thought. The next time we run into a line of enemies, I’ll pick you up and throw you.”

Sera stopped with her eyes wide, “Get off!”

Bull came to stop and began talking with his hands. “No! This could work! I loft you over the front rank, and you land behind them to flank. Mayhem ensues.”

“I can’t fly, you daft tit!”

“Think of the mayhem, Sera! Mayhem!”

She shook her head fervently. “I’d get a wedge-up something fierce!”

“Look, you and Pup here are the only ones small enough and she’s still learning to fight.”

“No. Out of the question.” She crossed her arms over her chest in an X.

I doubled over laughing. The image of Bull throwing Sera over a line of enemies was too funny. I could see her squealing with a mixture of delight and terror while she attempted to shoot arrows in mid-air. Mayhem was an understatement.

Sera dropped her arms and cocked her head to the side. “Say, Bull. I got an idea.”

The Bull raised a brow. He was curious. “Alright. Hit me!”

“You’re not throwing piss, but I could ride on your shoulders? You run and hit, I shoot.”

Bull nodded, “Hm. You standing or sitting?”

“Sit on your horns? I stand.”

It wasn’t hard to see that the Iron Bull’s mind went into the gutter and was thinking very naughty things. He cleared his throat, “Right, sorry. So, we’d be like a mobile siege platform? Yeah, this could work.”

“Of course it will work. I thought of it.” Sera smirked.

Blackwall and I laughed until tears threatened to spill. Bull and Sera looked at us like we were daft. Neither of them realized just how amusing their conversation was. They were being completely serious with their ideas and that made it all the better.

The smiles on our faces were wiped off sooner than we would have liked. We hiked up a small hill with a cabin perched at the top. That was our destination. Five bandits stood guard around the building. In order to get into that cabin, we would have to go through them. Blackwall intended to speak with bandits first, but his idea was shot in the head when one of them aimed an arrow at Bull.

Bull roared his battle cry and charged up the hill ready for action. Blackwall covered his blindside. Together they made an almost impenetrable wall between the bandits and me and Sera. Sera had her bow in hand, aiming an arrow at the archer. She let the arrow fly without any hesitation and the archer dropped from his vantage point in the tree. To hit so accurately at such a long distance was impressive.

I didn’t stand idly by either. I refrained from casting any offensive magic, but I did my share of barriers and support magic to bolster our warrior’s stamina. The skirmish didn’t last long. I set to healing a gash on Bull’s right arm where he decided to use the appendage as a shield. I swore at him and let him know how stupid he was for letting the blade hit him in the first place. He could have side-stepped the blow, but no, he had to take it. Something about catching his opponent off guard.

We found our agents inside the building, all dead. After a quick search, we found a few notes and information about a Mercy’s Crest. We could use it to walk into the bandit fortress, hopefully unharmed, and challenge the leader to a duel. After a few minutes of debating, we decided using the Mercy Crest would be the safest option. The less we had to fight, the better.

If only it was that easy. The crest did allow us entry, but the leader of the Blade of Hessarians didn’t fight fair. It was decided that Blackwall would be the one to challenge the man. While we never doubted the warden’s ability to fight, it was unfair of the bandit leader to call in two very large and armored mabari hounds. I broke the rules on our side before the others. A cast a barrier around Blackwall, as strong and I could manage to keep the hounds from tearing up his backside.

“You can’t tell me you are just going to stand there are watch Blackwall fight, three on one?” I snapped up at Bull.

He glanced down at me and nodded his head. “This is a fight between warriors, I have no right to step in.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” I spat, irate with the Qunari. This was no longer a fight between two warriors, obviously he could see that. Sera was on the same wavelength as me and had her bow out and aimed at one of the dogs. “Fine. Sera, lets show him how it’s done.”

I normally hated violence, but seeing Blackwall ganged up on pissed me off. It triggered a reaction I didn’t know I had in me. He was my friend and I refused to see him get hurt when I could have stepped in to help. Storm magic crackled around my staff. I aimed it at the hounds. They yelped in pain. Their metal armor amplified the intensity of my attack.

Bull dropped his hand on my shoulder and I glared up at him. “I knew you had it in you. The pup bares its fangs at last.” He pulled the axe from my back and finished off the mabari before Sera had a chance to fire an arrow. Blackwall made quick work of the leader once there were no more distractions.

The moment Bull had his axe put away I smacked him as hard as I could, bruising my knuckles in the process. “You ass! How could you do that? I seriously thought you were just going to stand there.”

He just stood there with mild amusement written all over his smug face. “Boss told me you were uncomfortable with combat. I needed to see if you would let that fear control you.”

“You could have picked a better time to do it than with somebody’s life on the line!”

“No, that was the perfect time. If you won’t fight to protect a friend or a comrade than you don’t deserve to fight at the Boss’s side.”

“Bull, ease off the lass.” Blackwall sheathed his sword and strapped his shield to his back. “She did well.”

I was upset and it showed. I could feel my magic crackling beneath my skin, ready to strike at a moment’s notice. “Did you think I don’t know that I don’t deserve to fight beside her? I’ve been telling her since I joined that I have no place on the field.”

Both Blackwall and Bull remained silent. They exchanged a glance, a silent communication between warriors. Sera grabbed my arm and turned me around so she could look at me.

“Stop it. You’re beatin’ yourself up over somethin’ stupid. Blackwall’s fine. Bull’s an arse. End of story.”

“It’s not that simple, Sera.” I argued.

“Yes. It. Is.” She enunciated and removed her hand from my arm. She ran her hands up her arms. “And stop that static shite. It’s weird.”

I doused my magic, “Fine. What’s done is done. Let’s tell finish up with these Hessarians and go home. I need a beer.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my last chapter for the day, I promise! Okay, I can't promise anything, I'm on a freaking roll! As a reward to all my readers, a little bit of quality time with Solas.

It was no surprise that Evie returned to Haven before us. The Storm Coast was a great deal further away than Redcliffe. It was also noticeable that the rebel mages were recruited as allies and not conscripts. They seemed happy and relaxed. A lot more than they had been in Redcliffe. A few of the templars the Inquisition had managed to recruit were overwhelmed and uptight. All their life they’d been trained to be the jailer of mages. They weren’t sure how to handle free ones. I knew they would relax eventually, but these first few weeks or months would be hard on them.

I parted from my traveling companions to drag my sore ass towards the house. I was in need of fresh clothes and a bath. My hair was a matted mess and my clothing was covered in mud and heaven knows what else. We’d gotten into several skirmishes with highway bandits and rogue templars on the way back. They took one look at my staff and decided I needed to die on principle.  I was glad for my friends. I knew being on the receiving end of a templar smite was an unpleasant experience, but I didn’t expect it to hurt as bad as it did. It felt like my soul was being ripped from my body. Magic was a part of me and to have that suddenly ripped out was a bitch.

I spent the rest of our journey home on Bull’s shoulders like a child. It was better than walking, but I could only take so much of the Bull’s sexual innuendos. Thank god I’m not a red head, or it would have been much worse.

I heard voices on the other side of the door to the house. I stopped, curious who Evie had in there. If it was a man, I would slink my way to the tavern and let her have fun time.

“You seem upset.”

My eyes widened. What was Solas doing in my house?

“You would be too if you saw the future I saw. Everything was ugly and cruel. Red lyrium was everywhere and growing out of people. You were infected with it and so was Cassandra.” I could hear the tremor in her voice that signified she was holding back tears.

“Are you sure it was truly time travel, not just a trick of the fade?”

“I know what I experienced!” She snapped. There was a lull in their conversation. I wanted to barge in, but I didn’t want to intrude. “Besides, the future you gave me a message for you. I don’t know what it means. It was in elvhen.”

“What is the message?”

“Ma nevenin dirthara asha era.” Her accent was awful and she pronounced one of the worlds wrong, but the message was clear. _You need to learn the truth of the woman’s dream._ “What does it mean?”

I paled.

“Nothing that concerns you, Herald.” She must have given him her best glare, “It is nothing that will endanger you or your inquisition.”

_Liar!_ I couldn’t listen anymore. My legs were wobbly and my pack was too heavy. I tossed the door open. Two pairs of eyes, one blue and one green stared at me. I gave them a half-hearted smile and tossed my bag to the floor.

“By the Maker, Kana, what happened? You look terrible.” Evie rushed over to me and helped me get to the bed.

“I was on the receiving end of a templar.” I grimaced at the memory.

“How long ago was this?” Solas asked as he approached. His hand glowed with healing magic. Without touching me, he pushed it through my body. I sighed at the feel of mana in my blood again. I leaned towards Solas’s hand, like a dog who wanted its ear scratched. He obliged and rest his hand on my shoulder.

“A couple days ago, well, the first one anyway. We ran into a lot of templars. They attacked the moment they spotted my staff.”

“Shit.”

“You are lucky to be up and moving.” Solas remarked.

“Trust me, I know. I’ve spent the last couple days riding on Bull’s shoulder.” I almost smiled at the look of disgust on Solas’ face. He really did not like our qunari mercenary/spy. “How did it go with Alexius?”

“That’s a story for later. Let’s get you cleaned up and put to bed. I’ll explain everything once you’ve had a good night’s rest. Maker knows you need it.” She rose from my side and made shooing motions at Solas.

“Rest well, Da’len.” He lowered his head in a bow and left.

The task of stripping me of my filthy robes was a task that took far too much effort. I was still slightly damp and caked in more mud that was healthy. Evie threw the robes into a pile by the door and started boiling water for a bath. Several minutes later there was enough hot water in the tub for me to slid in and wash.

Freshly washed and dried, I snuggled under the blankets. It was good to feel human again. I gave myself a mental slap. I was not a human any more. I was a Dalish elf! I was the probably the most human elf in the history of Thedas, well maybe except Sera. I wondered if it bothered Solas that I didn’t act like and elf.

Solas. I sighed. I was not looking forward to dealing with him once he confronted me about my nightmare. Sleep overcame me before I could dwell on it further.

* * *

 

It was amazing what a goodnight’s sleep does to a person. I woke feeling well rested and back to almost full strength. Evie was gone from the hut and the fire was burned down to embers. I slipped on a clean outfit and stepped outside. There were a lot more mages wandering around than I remembered seeing before I passed out. I shrugged it off and made my way to the tavern. I still needed that beer I promised myself.

The tavern held its regular customers, including Varric, Sera and Iron Bull. I passed Blackwall on the way over. He was busy haggling with a merchant and didn’t see me walk by. Varric greeted me with a cheer.

“About time you woke up, Blue! I hear you guys had a hell of a journey.”

“Understatement of the century.” I replied, wondering just how long I was unconscious. I plopped down beside the dwarf and stole a piece of meat of his plate. I took a bite out of as he protested to my thievery.

“It was fun! I got to stick a bunch of arsholes full of arrows! I even ran out!” Sera took my example and stole a chunk of fried potato off Varric’s plate. The dwarf swatted her hand and huffed in annoyance. “Even Inky here got in on the fun.”

“Oh really?” Varric covered is plate with his hands. I’d been moving in on his plate again.

“Yep. She fried her fair share of templars before she got hit with that crazy shite they do.” Sera shuddered. “It looked painful.”

“Excruciating.”

“Well, shit. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’ve seen what a smite does to a mage. It does explain why you slept for the last three days.”

That was a lot of sleep! But I felt better, so I decided not to dwell on it.

Bull sat down beside Sera, “Glad to see you’re up and moving, Pup. You ready for tonight?”

I blinked in confusion, “What’s happening tonight?”

“Tonight we close the Breach.” He raised his mug in a toast. Varric and Sera joined him in his toast.

The meat I stole from Varric wasn’t sitting so well in my stomach anymore. If they meant to close the breach tonight, then Corypheus would show his face tonight.  I excused myself from the table and rushed out of the bar leaving my friends shouting after me.

I ran outside the city gates and stopped when I reached the logging sight. How could I know about all this and not do something to help. There had to be a way I could help the citizens of Haven. So many lives could be saved if I said something.

Who would believe me anyway? Magic may be commonplace here, but mages who could tell the future? Unheard of. I shook with frustration. Shouldn’t I at least try to warn them?

I paced back and forth contemplating my chances of success.

“You seem troubled.”

I yelped like a kicked puppy. I jerked around to see that Solas had once again gotten the drop on me. Were all elves this quiet, or was he the exception? I growled at him and tossed my hands up in the air in defeat.

“Cough, clear your throat. Something! You’re going to give me a bloody heart attack doing shit like that!”

He smiled and restrained a chuckle. “If you paid more attention to your surroundings, you may not be caught off guard so easily.”

He did have a point, but why would I need to keep my guard up so close to town? My biggest threat was a rabid fennec.

“Did you follow me out here just to scare me?”

“No, I saw you rush out of the gates in a rush and thought perhaps something was wrong. It seems I am right, to a degree.”

“How very observant of you.” I snapped.

I didn’t have time to be arguing with Solas. I needed to make a plan for tonight. I should be gathering all the healing potions and medical supplies I could get my hands on. It would be easy enough to use the pretense of closing the breach. Who knew, perhaps something catastrophic would fall from it? We needed to be prepared for a fight.

The humor that graced the Elvhen’s features disappeared. The wall of aloofness and pride took over his features. “I was merely worried about your wellbeing. As I see my presence is not wanted, I will take my leave.”

_Damnit!_ I didn’t want to leave things like this. Who knew if I would even survive tonight? I couldn’t have the elf thinking I was upset with him. Damned him! Damned my weakness to the damned Dread Wolf.

“Don’t go.” I said just barely louder than a whisper, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

He stopped, but did not turn around to face me. His posture was rigid, more so than normal. I had truly hurt his feelings. My heart twisted and it sat sourly in my stomach.

“I’m just so…scared.” I approached him. I hesitantly reached out and wrapped my hands gently around his upper arm. He was rigid beneath my hands. “Who knows what will happen tonight when we close the Breach. The thought of losing you or any of our friends scares me to death.”

He sighed, one not of irritation, but an emotion I couldn’t place. He removed his arm from my grasp and finally turned to face me. Using his hand, he lifted my chin so I could look him in the eyes. Instead of lowering his hand from my chin, he held me here, making it impossible for me to look away. “It is normal to be fearful of the future, but you can’t let yourself be overcome by it. You need to place more trust in us. We are not a group to be taken lightly.”

I stared into those steel blue eyes and believed him. He was so sure of himself and those we called friends. My fear lessened a fraction. It was still there and would be until tonight was over, but it was manageable now.

“Your panic attacks stem from your all-consuming fear. Conquer that and you will be freed from the attacks. It does no good to dwell on things outside of your control.”

“Conquer my fear?”

“Yes. You have already faced one of your fears. Blackwall informed me of what happened in the Storm Coast. While part of me is saddened by the loss of your lingering innocence in combat, I am pleased to hear you’ve gotten over that hurdle.”

There was an intensity in his eyes that made my ears burn. He was standing so close with his head turned down to look me in the eyes. His pupils dilated and his breath quickened. His hand moved from my chin to cup the side of my face. His thumb traced the design of my vallaslin.

Somebody cleared their throat. Solas and I jumped apart like we’d been caught doing something improper. Evie stood there with a knowing smirk on her face. I turned crimson red and tried very hard not to glare at her for ruining our moment. Solas stood tall and proud with his hands clasped behind his back. He showed no outward sign of embarrassment. I resented him.

“I just wanted to let you know we are getting ready to head out to the temple.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll be at the Chantry.” Evie grinned and walked away.

“Come, Da’fen, we should join her as soon as possible.”

“Little wolf?” I inquired at the new nickname.

He graced me with a smile that made his eyes several shades lighter, “I’ve been told the pup does indeed have teeth.”

“I’ll show you teeth.” I clamped my hand over my mouth the moment the words left my mouth. Solas only chuckled and walked away, leaving me standing there glowing like a tomato. 


	10. Chapter 10

Bonfires lit the night sky and alcohol flowed freely among the Inquisition. The Breach was closed and it was time for celebration. Men and women, humans and elves joined arms and danced. A mage and a templar found themselves in a dark corner and armor was coming off. Dorian and Iron Bull were chatting near the chantry doors. Already the two of them were drawn to each other, tempted by the forbidden. Ben-Hassrath and Tevinter mage. Sera and Blackwall were enjoying a few drinks around a fire, laughing and telling jokes. Varric had an enthralled group of teenagers with his Tales of the Champion. Evie and Cassandra were talking while staring out at everybody.

Solas sat beside me on the rooftop of my house, overseeing the merriment below. He was not one for joining in on such leisurely activities and I couldn’t bring myself to join them knowing reality was about to come crashing down. I was glad for his silent companionship.

The alarm bell reverberated across Haven. Minstrels stopped playing and the dancing stopped. Our soldiers jumped into action, rushing to their stations. The civilians, bless their hearts, asked if there was anything they could do. Cassandra and Evie rushed towards to gate where Commander Cullen was already barking out orders.

I closed my eyes and sent a prayer to anybody who was listening. May the gods or the Maker help us all.

“Come. We should see what is going on.” Solas stood up and offered me his hand.

I took it and pointed to the crest of the mountain where torchlight was already peeking through. The force of Corypheus was larger than I imagined and my stomach churned with fear. We jumped from our rooftop perch and joined Cassandra and Evie at the front gates.

The gate shook and a familiar voice rang out from the other side, “I can’t come in unless you open.”

I didn’t wait for the others to register what was happening, I pushed the gates open. A Venatori warrior stalked towards me, but I made no move to protect myself. I knew what came next. A pair of daggers slid beneath his armor from behind and he collapsed to the ground. Cole, the spirit of compassion, stood there in his ragtag clothing and adorable floppy hat, though it wasn’t as big as the game rendered. Evie and the Commander rushed to my side, weapons drawn. I motioned for them to lower them. They ignored me, but I had tried.

“I am Cole. I came to warn you. To help.  People are coming to hurt you.” He looked back at the approaching forces, “you probably already know.”

“What is this? What’s going on?” Evie demanded.

“The templars come to kill you.”

Cullen barged forward like he meant to do the spirit harm, but he thought better of himself. Cole took a step back. Cullen pointed angrily at the force, “Templars? Is this the orders response to our talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?” He turned to face the herald, emotions running rampant across his normally well-mannered persona.

Cole continued to explain the situation, “The red templars went to the elder one. You know him? He knows you. You took his mages.” The spirit pointed to a large crag. A templar in strange armor stood, glaring down at us. Sampson. Corypheus materialized beside him. “There.”

Cullen growled, “I know that man, but this elder one?”

“He is very angry that you took his mages.”

Evie was torn between anger and fear. She turned towards the Commander, “Cullen! Give me a plan. Anything.”

“Haven is no fortress. If we are to withstand this monster, we must control the battle.” He pointed towards the trebuchets, “get out there and hit it with that force. Use everything we have.”

Their eyes lingered on each other a fraction longer than necessary. He turned towards the gathering soldiers and mages and raised his sword high. With his strength and natural charisma, he bolstered their morale and gave sanction to the mages to engage. It was easy to see why Cassandra wanted him to lead the army.

Evie searched for her inner circle, her eyes landing on the only ones present. “Kana, Solas and Cassandra, help me defend that trebuchet.”

We drew our weapons and rushed to assist the soldiers. The advanced guard to the red templar army were already here. I didn’t have time to be squeamish or afraid. Adrenaline rushed through my body, giving me the hardened edge I needed to fight.

Solas and I worked in perfect harmony, picking off enemies before they could reach us, taking turns covering our friends and soldiers with barriers. Those who got past us Cassandra and Evie picked off with relative ease. Everything was going well until the first of the disfigured templars arrived. It stood almost twice as tall as Cassandra with red lyrium bulging out of its skin. Instead of hands, the templar had long jagged red lyrium spikes. It moved faster than something that large should be able to move and it caught Evie off guard. She brought her daggers up in time to block the attack, but the force of it sent her flying into the base of the trebuchet.

The templar advanced on her, taking advantage of her disorientation.

“Evie!” I screamed her name, drawing the attention of our companions, but neither of them were within range to help her. Only I stood a chance of getting to her in time. Of everything I could have done, I chose to run towards her. Magic swelled around me and in a magical burst of speed, I appeared between the templar and Evie. I blocked his attack with my staff. I pushed electricity through my weapon and into the templar. It bellowed with rage and pain. It staggered away and hissed. With a burst of telekinetic energy, I sent it flying away from us. Solas finished it off with a wickedly sharp ice spear.

I sent a wave of healing energy into Evie and I helped her to her feet. She gave me a lopsided grin before darting back into the fray.

The soldier manning the trebuchet ordered the all-clear. No more enemies approached and the siege weapon was ready to fire. We turned our attention to the second trebuchet further up the wall.

The fight continued endlessly. All of us were wearing down and were running low on rejuvenation potions. Eventually, all of the machines were ready to fire. The boulders flew into the mountain, causing a great avalanche. The soldiers cheered. Evelyn and Cassandra exchanged high-fives.

That’s when the dragon roared overhead. It careened towards us, its red, corrupted breath torching everything it touched. Too stunned by its sudden appearance, nobody was able to take cover as the dragon attacked the trebuchet. It exploded in a wash of wood and metal. A quickly cast barrier protected us from most of the debris. Cassandra had a scarp across her upper arm, and I had a piece of wood no bigger than a pencil sticking into my ribs. I grimaced and bit back a string of curses as I pulled it out. Thankfully the wood was smoothed, the chances of remaining splinters were low. Solas and Evie were the only ones that managed to get by without even a scratch.

We collected ourselves, sharing a collected look of shock and horror. The soldiers that were with us laid dead in the snow. I hadn’t been able to extend my magic that far in time. Solas knew what I was thinking and placed a comforting hand on my lower back. He shook his head. He had no comforting words, but his touch was enough. I couldn’t let my emotions get the better of me.

“That’s cheating, right?” Evie dusted wood shrapnel from her armor. “Please tell me this is just some horrible nightmare.”

“We need to get to the gates.” Cassandra sheathed her sword and motioned for us to follow.

The Commander was at the gates, ushering in all the remaining soldiers. The look of relief when we came around the corner was evident. He’d thought the worse when our trebuchet exploded. He ordered us back to the chantry. It was the only building that may stand a chance against a dragon.  

We weaved our way through Haven, stopping and helping civilians trapped in burning building and under debris. We helped a group of Leliana’s agents fight off a small group of red templars. The town was burning around us. The smoke choked the air from my lungs and the screams of the dying pierced my soul. I clutched my staff tightly, praying harder than I had ever before.

_Please let us save as many as we can._

By the time we reached the Chantry, all of us were exhausted and bloody. Wounded soldiers slumped against the walls. The healers busied themselves helping as many as they could, but there was no way to keep up. The injured kept piling in. Commander Cullen grabbed Evie and pulled her to the side. I wanted to hear the conversation, but Cole burst into the chantry holding onto Chancellor Roderick. His robes were stained red with blood and a layer of sweat covered his face. He looked terrible.

Once Roderick was seated, I knelt beside him with the intention of trying to heal his wound. Cole shook his head, “The wound is too deep. Fatal.”

I looked at him, “I can try, can’t I?”

“Yes, but you should save your strength. There will be others that need help. Ones that will live.”

I dropped my hands to my sides. Roderick stayed silent, saving his energy for what would be a very long night. I apologized as best I could for not being able to heal him. The chancellor offered me a smile.

“He appreciates your efforts.” Cole translated for me. The spirit stared at me, studying me, “You know me?”

What could I say? It was useless to deny my knowledge of the spirit. “Yes. But please, Cole, don’t tell anybody. Please.”

“It burns. Scrapes. Gnaws. Like a festering wound. I can help.”

“Once we are safe from the Elder One, you are free to try, but others need your help more than I do.” I walked away from Cole, scared of the little spirit and what his presence could possibly mean for me.  I busied myself with helping the healers. I was on the verge of collapsing myself, so I refrained from magic. I helped with bandages and salves. I lost myself in the monotony of it all.

Tension rose in the chantry, our Herald and Commander in the center of it all.

“How will you escape?” Cullen asked loudly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was it.

Evie remained silent with her hands clenched in fists. She was visibly shaking and afraid, but her eyes stayed strong. Cullen’s shoulders sagged and he turned away from her. The hurt in his eyes was plain for all to see. The Herald meant a lot to him and he did not want to lose her in this battle. His sense of duty outweighed his personal feelings and he pulled himself together.

“Fine. If we are to have any hope, let that thing hear you.”

I waited until the Commander walked away, barking orders at the soldiers before approaching Evie. She paced back and forth nervously. She saw me approach and stopped. She wrapped me in a hug. “I need you to make sure they stay safe. If…if I don’t make it out of this…”

“Stop.” I hugged her tighter, “You give yourself too little credit. Go out there and give him hell.”

“Thank you.” She pulled away and before she could lose her nerve, she called Blackwall, Dorian and Bull to join her. “I know this is a suicide mission, but I can’t fend off the red templars on my own. When I say run, you guys get the hell out of there. Follow Cullen through the tunnels. I don’t want any heroics.”

* * *

 

A blizzard whipped up overhead, making the trek through the mountains treacherous and slow-going. Despite my natural resistance to the cold, I was freezing. My teeth chattered, my hands and feet were going numb, and the wound I received early throbbed painful. Most of our people were dressed for the weather in their fur-lined armor and clothing. All I had was the soft cotton and silverite of my keeper armor.

We trekked on over the crest between the peaks behind Haven. Solas launched a bright burst of fire into the air. The signal that we were clear of any potential harm. The sound of the trebuchet launching caused us all to flinch. Visibility was poor and we couldn’t see much more than a rushing wave of snow, but we knew that our Herald. My best friend. Was down there. I knew she would survive, but it didn’t make seeing it any easier.

Commander Cullen ordered the soldiers to set up camp. We couldn’t continue in this weather. The blistering could very well claim as many lives as the dragon. I tried to assist with the bandaging of those who had yet received any, but I was pulled away by Cassandra. She took me to a smaller tent and sat me down on a bedroll.

“Before you tend to anybody else’s wound, you should treat your own.” She reprimanded pointing where the cloth was torn and blood seeped through. I hadn’t realized I was bleeding that bad. “Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“It’s not that bad. Only a scratch. There are others out there that need my help.” I tried to stand back up, but she pushed me back down.

“You can help them, _after_ you help yourself. Now, take off your armor and let me see it.”

I resigned. There was no use arguing with the stubborn Seeker. I stripped off my chest piece and tunic, leaving me in nothing but a breast band. She gave it a quick assessment and shook her head.

I looked down at the hole in my side. Blood trickled out lazily. I winced. Why is it that a wound never hurts as bad until you look at it?

“It’s a lot deeper than I thought.”

“I’ll fetch Solas.” Cassandra dismissed herself from the tent without waiting for me to complain. And complain I would have. I didn’t have time to properly seethe, Cassandra was as prompt as ever. Solas entered the tent behind her. His eyes were instantly drawn to the wound.

He frowned. “I’ll see to her wounds, Seeker. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.”

“You are welcome. I’ll be with the Commander if you need anything.” She cast me one more look of annoyance before leaving.

Solas knelt beside me, shaking his head. “I assume this happened when the dragon revealed itself?”

“When the trebuchet exploded, yes. There wasn’t exactly time for me to have it patched up.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Are you here to scold me, too?”

“On the contrary, I think you handled yourself well.” His hand lit up with healing magic, “This might hurt a bit.”

He pressed the palm of his hand against the wound. I bit back a scream. The pain was immediate and sharp, but it didn’t last. His magic set to work immediately, repairing the damaged tissue and flushing out unwanted bacteria. I started to squirm under his hand as it began to close. It itched like a fiend.

His hand lingered on my side, his fingers brushing against the sensitive skin of my stomach. He looked me over once more, checking for further injuries, only to finally realize it was only in my breeches and a breast band. The blush that graced his cheekbones made me smile. There was a man under all that pride and wisdom. The moment in the trees this morning burned brightly in my mind. There was nobody here to disrupt us this time. I threw caution to the wind and kissed him.

He went rigid. I cursed myself for my stupidity and turned away from him, grabbing for my armor. He reached for me then, pulling me to him. His lips crashed against mine, rough and needy. I gasped at the intensity of it, but melted into his arms. His hands tightened around me and I lost myself to the kiss. It took him two tries to finally pull himself away from me long enough to breathe. We both panted at the intensity of it. We stared into each other’s eyes a long time, both afraid to look away.

The camp erupted into chaos. Cassandra barked an order and Cullen swore loud enough it startled us.

We heard only four words. “The Herald is alive.”

Our moment was temporarily forgotten. I scrambled into my armor. Solas assisted with the buckles and straps. Before we stepped out of the tent, we shared one last look. One promising we would need to speak later. But now, Evie was back, and I knew what condition she would be in.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short, but I couldn't bring myself to add more, it didn't feel right. I just hope I did this scene justice because it is my favorite scene in the game.

It was hard tending to Evie’s injuries with so many of our soldiers trying to get a look at her through the tent flap. They knew what she faced in Haven and couldn’t believe she survived. Rumors of her resurrection at the hand of Andraste were spreading like wildfire. It took Commander Cullen and Cassandra to get them to go about their duties. They apologized profusely and bowed deeply. It was almost disgusting how much they worshiped Evie. I was all about respecting her, but she wasn’t send by the Maker or Andraste, she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I brushed a stray black lock away from Evie’s eyes. She looked so young and innocent while she slept. It was hard believe she was the one who stood tall in front of Corypheus and his blighted dragon. She didn’t come out of the confrontation unscathed, unfortunately. She suffered from several fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a black eye and a concussion. Solas and I joined our efforts to restore her with magic. Neither of us had the strength to heal her on our own. It wasn’t a complete restoration, but her ribs were no longer broken and her concussion was healed. I insisted on wrapping her ribs. They were still bruised and the extra pressure from the bandaging would help ease some of the pain. I also managed to scrounge up an elf root potion to set by her cot. It would help with the pain as well, but leave her slightly drowsy. Drowsy meant she would rest (hopefully) and let the rest of us worry about what to do next.

As the day progressed, tension rose amongst our advisors. They huddled around a make-shift table looking at maps and shouting at each other. Nobody could agree on our next course of action. Evie was finally awake by the end of the day and she was growing irritated at the demand that she stay in bed and rest. I could see she wanted to get up and join in on the talks. It was Mother Giselle that kept her in bed until nightfall.

I’d gone to speak to Solas when it began. A deep alto voice rang out through the encampment. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I turned towards Evie’s tent. Mother Giselle walked out slowly, her head bowed. By the end of the first verse, Leliana’s soprano voice joined in, followed by a small contingency of soldiers. Cullen joined in as well, his tenor voice shaky and full of emotion. I knew the lyrics, but I couldn’t bring myself to join. Tears welled in my eyes and emotion choked me. I couldn’t tell if I was happy or sad. Proud or scared. The song seemed to elicit all of them from me.

Solas stood at my side. He leaned on his staff and stared out at the choir. He too was moved by the heart of the song. A single tear fell down my cheek. This was it. The true beginning of the Inquisition. This is where it would all begin. The song died down and every man, woman and child knelt before Evie in reverence. It was easy to see the amazement and horror on her face. They would follow her to the ends of Thedas.

Solas brushed his hand across my lower back and motioned for me to wait for him by the torch just on the outskirts of the encampment. He stepped into the crowd and passed behind Evie. He spoke only two words, but they were enough to pull her from the crowd and the lingering words of advice from Mother Giselle.

With a wave of his hand, veilfire lit the torch and he turned to face Evie. “A wise woman, worth heeding. Her kind understand the moments that unify a cause. Or fracture it. The orb Corypheus carried, the power he used against you. It is elven. Corypheus used the orb to open the Breach. Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the temple. I do not yet know how Corypheus survived…nor am I certain how people will react when they learn of the orb’s origin.”

I stood, neutral, carefully watching Evie for her reactions. She seemed confused. “All right, what is it, and how do you know about it?”

“They were foci, used to channel ancient magicks. I have seen such things in the fade, old memories of older magic. Corypheus may think it Tevinter, his empire’s magic was built on the bones of my people. Knowing or not, he risks our alliance. I cannot allow it.”

I wondered how anybody could continue to believe all of his knowledge was because of the Fade. Even I doubted him about halfway through the game.

Evie looked between me and Solas, concern visible for us both to see. “This whole mess is confusing. I can see how elves might be an easy target, but why tell me?”

Solas visibly approved of her response, “Because you are not like most humans. You do not look down upon the elves as lesser than yourself,” he motioned to me, “your best friend is an elf.”

Evie smiled at me, “What can I do?”

“By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus has changed it. Changed _you._ Scout to the north. Be their guide. There is a place that waits for a force to hold it. There is a place where the Inquisition can build…grow…”

And so our trek through the Frostback Mountains began. Hope was rekindled in our troops. Our advisors were hesitant to accept Solas at his word of a location, but Evie and I trusted him, and that was enough for them. It was better than any plan they’d concocted. The blizzard made the journey long and dangerous. But it was all worth it in the end. The moment we crested the last peak and saw the magnificent beauty of Skyhold, everybody breathed a sigh of relief. It was far more than anybody expected, including myself.  


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just started a new job today, so chapters may be uploaded a little slower than they have been. Ive taken some liberty with a war table mission! I hope you guys like it!

It took weeks to get settled into Skyhold and even then there were holes in walls and piles of debris laying in the most inconvenient places. In the chaos of renovation, Solas and I never had a chance to talk properly about what happened in the Frostbacks. We’d regressed back to friendly looks and nods as we passed each other in the hallways of the fortress.

The monotony of repairing was blown out the window the day Varric approached Evie about a visitor with information that could help the Inquisition. I was hardly able to contain my excitement. I knew who his visitor was and I was super excited to meet them. I’d avoided talking to Varric about the Champion of Kirkwall because I’d wanted it to be a surprise.

Evie walked towards the battlements with Varric leading the way. It was to be a private meeting, but there was no way I was missing this opportunity. I darted into the tavern, ran to the top level and out the door near where Cole was usually found in the game. I found the small tower I was looking for and hid myself inside. It gave me a perfect view of the meeting place.

What I saw was definitely not was I was expecting. In all my experience with the second game, not once had I played as a male, much less a warrior. And there stood Garrett Hawke with a giant two-handed sword strapped to his back. If that wasn’t odd enough, standing at his side was a raven-haired elf with big green eyes.

I could handle a male Hawke, but the presence of Merrill was out of place. It didn’t matter who you romanced, Hawke always left his/her love somewhere safe. This new development was concerning.

I stayed in my hiding place for the entirety of the conversation. I knew what would happen next. We would need to head out for Crestwood to meet with Hawke’s contact. I spotted Evie headed towards the war room and jogged to catch up with her.

“So, learn anything from Varric’s friend?” I asked.

She bobbed her head, “He has a contact in Crestwood we need to speak with. I need to inform Cullen.”

“Just Cullen?” I teased her by poking her in the ribs. I’d noticed them always looking at each from across the room when they thought the other wasn’t looking. I’d also noticed Cullen doing his nervous neck scratch a lot in her presence. It was adorable.

She glanced at me, oblivious to my implication, “Of course not.”

I chewed the inside of my cheek, debating to begin teasing her relentlessly. She did it to me, so it was only fair. I never got the chance because one of Leliana’s agents approached. I was shocked when he turned to me and not Evie.

“Nightingale would like to see you in the war room,” He bowed his head courteously to both of us and walked off.

“That was weird.” I shrugged my shoulders, “I guess I’ll be joining you at the big kid table today.”

The war room was huge. It was still a work in progress, but I could already see it shaping out to how I remembered. The table was my favorite part. It was massive and unusually smooth for wood. I couldn’t stop myself from running my fingers over it. Leliana and Cullen were both inside, waiting for us. Josie was still at her desk working on paper work.

“Ah, good, you’re here.” Leliana spoke to me. I’d never had a chance to speak one-on-one with the bard and for good reason. If anybody could ferret out my lies, it was her. The spymaster plucked a folded piece of thick parchment off the table and handed it to me. “This arrived this morning.”

I took the offered parchment. At first the writing on the paper was illegible, nothing but artistic swirls, but the longer I stared at it, the more I understood it. This was the first time I’d had to read anything. It hadn’t occurred to me that they didn’t write with the English alphabet. It was a letter from Keeper Istimaethorial Lavellan inquiring about my wellbeing and the truth behind the rumors of my captivity.

I felt the blood rush from my face. I placed the letter gently on the table, fearful that I would crumple it. My hands were shaking, but I hid them quickly behind my back, adopting Solas’s posture. This was only supposed to happen if Lavellan was the Inquisitor, and it would have happened back in Haven. Another strange twist of events.

“Are you alright? You look pale.” Cullen asked, moving around the table to get a closer look. I must have looked terrible for the Commander to be worried.

“I’m fine, just not feeling well.” I lied. I felt Leliana’s bright blue eyes staring at me, “I’m not being held captive, obviously. Would it be troublesome to send a message to them? I wouldn’t want them thinking poorly of the Inquisition.”

Cullen bobbed his head, “It is easy enough, but we thought it might be good for you to go visit them. You still have yet to regain any of your memories. Perhaps seeing your clan will bring them back.”  

I shook my head, “I’m not sure seeing them will bring anything back, besides, I am needed here.”

Evie surprised me by agreeing with Cullen. “Kana, they are your family. I think Cullen is right. You should visit them, tell them what you’re doing and come back.” She gave me pleading green eyes and would make even the hardest warrior melt. _Like Cullen._

There was little I could do in the face of the Spymaster, Commander and the Inquisitor. I sagged beneath their collective stares. “Fine.”

“Good. I’ll send some of my agents with you.”

Evie’s eyes lit up. “I know! Take Solas with you.”

“What?!” I screeched in shock.

“He is very knowledgeable and perhaps between him and your Keeper, they can figure a way to return your memories. Besides, you’ll want somebody you’re comfortable with for the journey.” Evie explained.

“That is not a bad idea.” Leliana nodded in agreement. “The clan will most likely be more accepting of Solas because he is an elf. A human or qunari might insight mistrust.”

“I’m fairly sure my clan would gladly accept a letter explaining my situation. There is no need for me to travel all the way to the Free Marches.” I turned to Evie, “You need to go to Crestwood as soon as possible. I do not want to leave you without a healer. Dorian is a damned fine mage, but his skills lie in blowing stuff up.”

“That is why we have healing potions, my dear friend.” She chuckled. “Go tell Solas and get your stuff packed. You can travel with me until I reach Crestwood.”

I knew a losing battle when I saw it. I turned on my heels and went straight for the rotunda where Solas was most likely painting. Much to my surprise, he wasn’t, but looking through a stack of papers written in ancient elvhen. He glanced up when I walked in. It was obvious I was still pale. He walked over and placed the back of his hand on my forehead.

“I’m not ill, Solas.” I removed his hand gently and brushed by him. I plopped down on the chair at his desk. “I received a letter from my Keeper.”

He leaned against the doorway in which I entered and stared at me. He crossed his arms over his chest, “What did the letter entail?”

“They’d heard a rumor that I was being held captive by the Inquisition. They were inquiring about my well-being. But that’s not what troubles me. Evie, Cullen and Leliana are sending me to Wycome to speak with them instead of simply sending a letter.”

“Ah. And you don’t wish to go.”

I stood up and began pacing, “No.”

“How come?”

I stopped and stared at boots. “If I wanted to return to my clan, I would have gone after you saved me from the rift. I’m happy here.”

I was terrified to see the clan. How could I tell them that the Lavellan they knew was gone? I was nothing but a human spirit possessing an elf body. I pressed my nails into the palm of my hands. There was so much I couldn’t say. Bottling it up and burying it under the rug could only get me so far.

I let out a startled screech as Cole materialized beside me. He took my hands and stopped me from drawing blood. “Gnawing. Strangling, Choking. It’s hurting you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. _Damnit, Cole, not in front of Solas._ I begged silently.

“You can’t keep it bottled up. It will grow. Expand. Burst.”

Cole sounded so sincere and worried. I knew he was, but didn’t understand the magnitude of what I was hiding. It could change everything.

“He will understand.” Cole said softly.

I opened my eyes and locked eyes with Solas. He was staring at the two of us with a mask in indifference, but I could see the wheels turning in those stormy eyes. I tore my attention from Solas to Cole. As strange as it was, I felt a small weight lift from my consciousness. Cole bowed his head and gave me the barest of smiles. He too could feel the weight come off. He had done what he came here to do. As quickly as he arrived, he vanished.

“Solas” I swallowed a lump in my throat. I would talk to him about what just happened later, but I hadn’t finished telling him what I came here to say. “Evie wants you to come with me to the Free Marches.”

He remained calm and professional. I wished he would do something, say something after that little display. I guess you don’t become the Dread Wolf by wearing your emotions on your sleeve. “Very well. Will anybody else be joining us?”

“A few of Leliana’s agents. We will be traveling with Evie and her group until Crestwood. She has business there with Varric’s friend. We leave tomorrow.”

He let his mask slip a little. His posture was less rigid and he offered me the barest of smiles, “I will see you in the morning, Da’fen.”

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter, so I hope it came together alright. I've also bumped up the maturity rating to be on the safe side because this chapter hints at topics that are touchy. Better safe than sorry.

It was easy to forget my mission while I traveled with Evie and most of our inner circle. It was hard watching them part ways at the base camp in the Crestwood region. I stared out at the eerie green glow rolling off the lake. It wouldn’t be easy to get to that rift. They would have to fight their way through an entire keep in order to get to the dam controls. Not to mention the hordes of demons and undead in the caves. I tried once again to reiterate the fact that she needed a healer.

Dorian immediately took mock offense at my claims.  He wrangled me around the neck playfully and gave me a brotherly noogie that left my hair a complete disaster. Pleased with his work, He ruffled my hair further with a friendly pat. “Do take care of yourself, will you?”

Solas and I took our leave as I was hastily trying to soothe my offended locks. Even the silent, broody elf was unable to keep a straight face. He chuckled, “There is never a dull moment with you, is there?”

I stuck my tongue out at him.

“It is good to see you in high spirits.”

“It’s hard to be in a sour mood around our Tevinter friend. He and Evie are a dangerous combination. Did you know they are actually related?”

“It would explain the striking family resemblance.”

“It’s a distant relation, but still. What about you, Solas? Do you have any family?” I finished tying up my hair in my signature ponytail and took my horse’s reigns from Solas. It was amazing that Lady survived Haven. In fact, most of our mounts survived the massacre. I couldn’t thank Dennett enough for saving her.

“None that still live.” He replied.

I frowned, “Did you have any siblings?”

“I did. An older sister, Samahl.” Hs mind drifted off into memories. “She was true to her name. She was always smiling and laughing. Our parents dotted on her of course.”

“You’re parents named you Laughter and Pride?” I smirked.

“They did, indeed.” The right side of his mouth turned up in a knowing grin. “She named us well. I was most prideful in my youth.”

I laughed. “My dear, sweet Solas, prideful? Never!”

He laughed “What about you, Da’fen?”

“I am an only child.” The confidence of my answer surprised me.

We fell into companionable silence for the remainder of the day. It wasn’t until dusk that we spoke again. The further we traveled, the more my stomach began to knot. In order to keep my mind from wondering down dark alleys, I asked Solas to tell me of his journeys through the fade. He agreed gladly, always happy to impart knowledge. They were the same tales he told in the game, but longer and more detailed. His ability to recall the smallest details and to capture the emotion of the memory was astonishing.

We stopped for the evening at the base of some very small mountains that reminded me a lot of the great sloping hills of the Ozark Mountains. Fall was in full swing and the leaves were beginning to change to bright yellows, rich reds and rusty oranges. We would reach Highever around noon tomorrow where we could meet up with Leliana’s agents and take a ship to Wycome. That meant tonight, Solas and I camped alone.

I was more nervous than a girl at prom. I’d never been alone with man before, especially not one whom I’ve shared a heated kiss with. We set up separate tents and worked together to gather wood for a fire. We chatted about the weather, local wildlife and even what we thought of our companions. It was idle chat to fill the silence.

It was terrifying, sitting in front of the fire knowing Solas was only feet away. For the first time, there was nobody but the two of us. There was nobody to interrupt at convenient, or inconvenient times. As always, when I was nervous, I babbled.

“You know, we never really discussed what happened in the mountains.”

Solas who had been gazing up at the stars, turned to look at me from over the fire. “It has been chaotic, but you’re right. The kiss was impulsive and ill considered, and I should not have encouraged it.”

My shoulders drooped and I sighed. He was quoting himself again. I hated when that happened, but it also gave me an idea of what to say to gain approval. Was it cheating? Yes, but I didn’t give a damn. I had a soft spot for the wolf even knowing he would most likely shatter my heart into a million pieces in the end.

“You did kiss me back. Solas, if I’m pressuring you…”

He looked away, turning his gaze into the fire. “No. You’re not. Perhaps I’m pressuring myself. It has been a long time. I am not certain this is the best idea. I could lead to trouble.” He motioned between us, showing with his hands what he meant.

“There is always that chance, Solas.” I wiping my hands across my knees, wiping the sweat off my palms. I’ve never asked a man out before. I stole my response from the game, “I’m willing to take that chance, if you are.”

“I…Maybe, yes.” We locked gazes, “If I could take a little time to think. There are…considerations.”

I had hoped he would deviate, but he didn’t. “Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you. How are you feeling by the way? You were upset when Cole came to you.”

I was hoping he’d forgotten about that little fiasco. “I’m better. I promise to explain everything, but not until we find my clan.”

“That is reasonable.”

We continued the night in peaceful quiet. Tensions dissipated with the revealing of my growing feelings, and his. By noon the following day, we arrived in Highever. It was beautiful and the castle was enormous. I wondered for the first time if the Hero of Fereldan grew up here. Was he or she a Cousland? I would have to ask Varric for the tale. He always told wonderful stories. Why he chose to run the Merchants Guild and train in the rogue arts instead of becoming a professional storyteller was beyond me.

We met with three of Leliana’s agents, all elves. We wouldn’t want to offend my clan by bringing humans. I cast a mental eye-roll. If my clan cared enough about the world outside the clan to send me to the Conclave, they wouldn't mind a human or two. Granted, nobody knew I had been at the conclave—or rather that Lavellan was there.

I spent the entire trip across the Waking Sea curled up in the fetal position or bent over the railing, hurling my guts up. I’ve been boating and canoeing all my life and not once have I experienced sea sickness. This elf body hated me. Solas hovered by my side, soothing me with gentle waves of healing magic. While it was comforting and ridiculously adorable, it did little to help. Despite his request for time to think, he never once left my side. After one of my more violent episodes, he pulled my head into his lap and loosened my hair from its tie. He spent the next hour or so running his fingers through my hair.

Our two day journey along the coast of the Free Marches ended when we pulled into the port of Wycome. I was so overjoyed, I didn’t care that my stomach was prepping for another projectile. I ran from the boat and fell to my knees on solid ground. I would have kissed it, but the ground was far from sanitary. Leliana’s agents laughed at me, and Solas only shook his head.  

* * *

 

I sent the agents to travel ahead of us. Without any of the real Lavellan’s memories to guide me, I didn’t know where to begin looking for the clan. I was growing increasingly nervous. My palms were sweating and my heart and mind were racing. Nothing seemed familiar.

One of the agents, Nesine, dropped out of the trees as silent as the hunter she’d been trained as. She was the only Dalish elf among Leliana’s agents. Her Vallaslin marked her a follower of Dirthamen, the god of secrets. Fitting, that one of his worshipers worked for a spymaster, though he probably wouldn’t approve of her working for humans.

“The clan is a few miles to the west. You should reach them within the hour. They have not been made aware of our presence.”

I squeezed my eyes closed and took a deep breath. This was it. There was no turning back.

“Be strong, Da’fen, you have no reason to be afraid.”

I opened my eyes, “Solas, I know you do not care for the Dalish. You don’t have to come with me.”

“I would not abandon you now.”

We continued on. Nesine, slipped back into the trees and followed us from out of sight. They did not want to be seen. Easier to gather information that way. I didn’t argue with them. They had their orders. I had mine. As long as nobody got hurt, I was good.

The sound of a bow drawing taunt stopped Solas and I. It was faint enough that a human would not have heard it. I scanned the trees, looking for the source of the danger. I sensed three people, one of each side and one in front. Hunters.

An older woman stepped out from behind a tree. She wore simple Keeper robes and had a sylvanwood staff strapped to her back. Her dark hair was streaked with grey and her eyes shone with recognition.

“Da’len, you have returned to us.” She studied Solas and returned to gaze upon me. “Andaran atish’an. Who is your guest?”

“Solas, I’d like to introduce you to Keeper Istimaethoriel Lavellan. Keeper, this is Solas, a trusted friend and mentor.”

She was unable to hide her shock. She hadn’t expected me to introduce him as somebody important to me. “Come, Da’len, come off your mount so we may see her fed. I’m sure it has been a rough journey.”

I dismounted and motioned for Solas to do the same, “ _Both_ of our mounts could use some rest.” I could already feel the animosity coming from her and the hunters who were still hidden amongst the trees. They were treating Solas as a threat. I was growing irritated. “Keeper, call off the hunters. There is no need for them to point their arrows at us.”

All she did was nod her head once. A simple order with no need for words. The hunters withdrew their weapons. “Come.” She turned and walked towards the clan.

Solas asked with his eyes alone. _Are you alright?_ I answered with a shrug.

The encampment was decorated with several brightly colored aravels. Set up between them were sturdy, yet mobile tables with an assortment of herbs and vegetation. Off to the south side of the encampment, a small herd of halla stood, grazing on the drying grasses. They were nothing like the small antelope I saw them as on screen. They were magnificent and ethereal. Their white coats whiter than freshly fallen snow and their antlers were bright silver.

The clan stopped their work, whether it was crafting arrows, potions or preparing food, and stared at Solas and I. Shock was apparent on all their faces. Whether it was because of Solas at my side, or the fact that I was here, alive. I could only return their stares with a confused one of my own. I didn’t know these people, but it was very obvious they knew me.

Keeper Lavellan stepped in front of me and studied my face. She took my hands in hers, “Da’len, you do not seem well. Have they mistreated you?”

 _Why do you care?_ I squashed that stray and worrying thought down and shook my head, “No!” Solas looked at me out of the corner of his eye. He was asking, me if he should explain the lack of my memories. It was strange that I could read him so well. I’d never been able to before. I started to nod, but was interrupted by a new face.

A male stepped up beside the Keeper with his arms across his chest. He wore his deep red hair shaved on the left side, but long on the right, hanging over the entire right side of his face. His uncovered eye was dark brown. I always thought brown eyes seemed warm and inviting, like chocolate, but his eyes were dark and cold. It was a look I was accustomed to. He hated me, and I didn’t even know why.

The Keeper placed her hand on the man’s arm, “Now is not the time, Fegan”

His voice was as cold as his eyes. “No, I believe this is the perfect time.”

He took a threatening step towards me. I struggled with muscle memory. I always submitted to anger before. I bowed before those who saw themselves as better, afraid to stand up for myself. I’d tried it once as a child and ended up beaten black and blue, but I wasn’t that person anymore. I drew strength from Solas’s presence and straightened my back and held my head high. I was not backing down from this, whatever _this_ was.

He pulled back the hair covering the right side of his face. I gasped. The entire right side of his face was covered in scars that resembled frost on a window. It blended surprisingly well with the black vines of his vallaslin. I’d seen scars like that once and it was on the arm of a man who survived a lightning strike.

I took a step away from Fegan, but he reached out and grabbed my arm. Two things happened at once. Solas grabbed Fegan’s wrist and I was swept away by a memory.

_I lay splayed out on a fallen tree, staring up between the boughs of the surrounding forest. The fires died down around the camp allowing me to make out the stars above. What I would give to be able to see the stars from another land. Perhaps a land where everybody was free to be their own person, not what others wanted them to be. Being tethered to the past was no way to live. We pretended to preserve the heritage of our culture, but we did little but roam around like nomads, shunning any who would approach. How were we supposed to learn and grow if we never sought out knowledge outside what our keepers taught us? Surely there was more to life than this._

_Being the eldest mage in the clan except for our Keeper, I was given the title; First. I was expected to learn from the Keeper and take responsibility of the clan when she passed on. I knew the way the clan looked at me when they didn’t think I was looking. They were mistrustful. They shunned my open mind and claimed I would lead them into ruin. Rumor had it, Veya, the Keepers daughter would be taking my place as the First. I was fine with that. I didn’t want the responsibility of an entire clan._

_Soft footsteps in the grass disrupted my thoughts. I turned my head to see Fegan. He was a hunter prodigy. He also had his eyes set on me. He had since our teenage years and had grown increasingly demanding the past few months. He enjoyed my rebellious nature. He saw me as something he could hunt and bring down. It was disgusting the way he looked at me from the shadows of the aravels._

_I pushed myself up on my elbows, “What do you want, Fegan?”_

_He stalked towards me with his long red hair unbound and flowing around his shoulders. He reminded me of a great mountain cat. “What I always want, Kanani.” He stopped beside me and ran his eyes up the length of my body._

_“You will never get what you want from me.” I tried to sit up but Fegan pushed me back down. He pressed his hand on my shoulder, pinning me to the log._

_“You can’t run from me forever. I’m a hunter and I always catch my prey.” He grew bold and threw his leg over the log to straddle my hips. With his free hand, he trailed his thumb over my vallaslin and down my jaw and throat. His hand paused at the top of my hard leather jerkin._

_“Get your hands off me.” I growled. I tried to buck him off, but he was stronger._

_“Oh no. I’ve waited long enough for this.” He kissed me then, rough and hard. His hand continued its exploration of my body. He grabbed my breast roughly and I bit his lip. “Bitch!” He swore before slapping me across the face._

_I lost it. Lightning erupted from my body. Fegan received the full force of the storm magic. He screamed only for a moment before he crumpled to the ground. I bolted from the log and ran out into the night. I didn’t even stop to see if Fegan still lived._

“Kanani!”

Solas’s voice pulled me from the memory. I staggered backwards, shaking my head. Fegan no longer had a hold of my wrist. He was standing beside the keeper, shaking with rage. Solas grabbed my shoulders gently and forced me to look up at him. I was shocked at first by the height difference between him and Fegan. He was almost a head taller.

“Are you alright?”

I closed my eyes for a moment while I collected my thoughts. Once, I thought I had myself under control, I met his worried blue eyes. “I remembered.” I turned around, resting my back against Solas. He continued to hold my shoulders. I look at Fegan. I was filled with disgust and fear of what he was capable of. “I remember how he got that scar.”

“How I got it?” Fegan spat, “You tried to kill me!”

“After you tried to…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

Once again he took a step towards me, shifting his eyes between Solas and I and the way he held me. “You wouldn’t give yourself to me, but you would this knife-ear.”

A bolt of electricity struck the ground at Fegan’s feet. He jumped back and drew his daggers. “His name is Solas.” I snapped. Solas tightened his grip on my shoulders in warning. I turned to the Keeper. “I am sorry for this drama, but as you can see I am alive and well. And I am not being held hostage by the Inquisition. Why did you inquire about my well-being?”

“Because, Da’len, you are one of the People. No matter your offenses, you are one of us.”

I shook my head sadly, “I am not one of you. Not anymore. Come one, Solas, let’s go home.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Our journey home was put on hold. Nesine appeared to us before we reached Wycome. There were bandits ahead, far more than the average band and far better equipped. They were seen headed towards the Dalish camp. We could avoid them if we detoured now. I sat on the back of Lady, debating whether or not to warn the clan. The memory of the real Kana was still fresh in my memory. I felt her disdain towards the Dalish way of life. I understood her, I even felt similarly.

“Fenedhis!” I swore bitterly. I didn’t want to go back, not after what just happened, but I couldn’t let my hatred for one man destroy an entire clan. They were my family—Kana’s real family. I turned lady around and apologized to Solas, “I can’t _not_ warn them.”

He turned his horse around and offered me a warm smile, “I wouldn’t expect otherwise, Ma’fen.” I blushed at the new endearment and urged my horse into a gallop.

An arrow embedded itself into the tree trunk not a foot from my head. Lady startled and reared up on her hind legs. Unable to keep my balance, I tumbled from her back. Flexibility and balance I didn’t know I had, I turned mid-air and landed in a crouched position. I pulled the staff from my back and scanned the area. Another arrow whizzed by, this one aiming for Solas. He’d brought his horse to a stop and was scanning me for injuries. He hadn’t noticed the arrow and I didn’t have time to react. The arrow embedded itself in his right shoulder, knocking him off his horse.

“Solas!” I aimed a lightning bolt in the direction the arrow came from. A man bellowed in pain followed by the sound of something hitting the ground. Presumably the man who was shooting at us. I darted over to Solas. He cupped his shoulder and was pulling himself into a sitting position. “Solas…” I dropped to my knees beside him.

“I’m fine. Check the area. I don’t think he was alone.” He was already scanning the area.

There was movement in the branches above us. We both looked up. Nesine was darting through the branches armed with a pair of daggers. She dropped from her perch and onto a warrior who walked through the brush towards us. She dug her daggers into his chest, using her weight and momentum to push him to the ground. She pulled her daggers from his chest cavity and walked towards us.

“Ma serannas.” I bowed my head in thanks.

“There will be more. Those were stragglers.” She bent down and inspected the arrow in Solas’s shoulder. “It’s in deep.”

Solas was growing pale. A thin layer of sweat was building on his brow. “You’re going to have to push it through.”

Nesine saw my hesitation and reached for the shaft of the arrow. As quick as she could, she snapped off the feathered tip. He bit back a cry of pain and I whimpered.

“Are you ready?” Nesine asked Solas.

She shoved the shaft through his shoulder and I paled considerably. The sound Solas made me want to throw up. Nesine stepped away from him and I went to work. I pressed my hand gently on the wound and poured healing magic into his skin. The wound knitted together nicely, but there was something wrong, something that my magic couldn’t flush out. I concentrated harder, trying to listen to what my magic was telling me. The wound was closed, but something remained.

My eyes widened and I pulled my hand from his shoulder. I couldn’t heal it. I knew in the back of my mind what it was, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. I was a healer, how could I not fix this?

“What is wrong, Kana?” Nesine asked.

I took the bloody arrow from her. I inspected the arrowhead. As I suspected. I cursed and threw the arrow back into the dirt.

Solas answered for me, his voice strong and steady, “The arrow was poisoned.”

“Fenedhis,” Nesine swore.

“My thoughts exactly.” I agreed with her. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Solas was never supposed to take serious injury. He was the Dread fucking Wolf for crying out loud.

“It is a deathroot poison. I’ve dealt with it before.” Solas covered my clenched hands with one of his own.

His calm demeanor despite his worsening condition scared me. He was already running a fever. I cast another wave of healing magic to try and sooth the effects of the poison running through his system. It offered him some relief, but it was only temporary.

“We need to get you to the Dalish camp. I’m sure they have the herbs needed for an antidote. Can you stand?” Solas gave me a weak nod and with help from me and Nesine, got to his feet. It took even more effort to get him on the back of my horse. There was no way he was going to be able to ride alone. I hoped up in the saddle in front of him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on the back of my shoulder. “Nesine, you and the other agents do what you can to distract the bandits.”

“Yes, Ma’am. We will buy you as much time as we can.”

She disappeared into the forest and I took off at a gallop towards the camp. It was a short distance, made shorter by the speed that I traveled. Lady was slick with sweat when I brought her to a stop. Several members of the clan stopped and stared in disbelief. They didn’t believe I would return so soon after my encounter with Fegan. I ignored them and helped Solas off the horse. He leaned heavily against me and I grew worried. He was coming in and out of consciousness. I needed to have him laying down as soon as possible.

The Keeper rushed forward and offered to help me shoulder his weight. “What has happened, Da’len?”

“There is a large force of bandits on the way here. We rushed back as soon as we heard to warn you, but we encountered stragglers. Deathroot poison.”

“I see. We appreciate your warning, Da’len. Let’s get this young man somewhere more comfortable.”

“Thank you, Keeper. A small group of Inquisition agents are in the woods now, buying us time. I do not know how long we have until the bandits arrive. Please tell me you have the herbs for an antidote.”

“Aye, we do.”

We brought him to an open bedroll and helped him get comfortable. The moment he was lying down, his eyes closed and he drifted from consciousness. I covered him with a blanket and offered him another temporary relief of magic. I wiped the sweat from his face with the cloth of my sleeve. He looked so fragile. If anything happened to him because of me, I would never forgive myself.

I stayed by his side while the Keeper rushed around the camp warning them of the incoming bandit force. Women and children hid inside the aravels while the hunters took up arms and spread out in a circle around the camp. Fegan armed himself with twin daggers and a longbow. He strapped a full quiver to his back. He stopped a few feet from where Solas lay sleeping.

I stood between him and Solas, ready to defend us if I needed to. Several emotions passed across Fegan’s face. He looked down at Solas and back to me. “You love him don’t you?”

“I do.” I answered.

He shook his head with disappointment, “Fen’Harel ma ghilana.” _The Dread Wolf guides you._ If only he knew how true that was. His disappointment turned to cold calculated hatred, “You will pay for what you did. It may not be now, but your time will come. Ar tu na’lin emma mi”

“I do not fear Fen’Harel, and I do not fear you. I ran from you once I will not do so again, Fegan. If you raise a blade to me or Solas, I will not hesitate to strike you down. Go,” I gestured to the woods, “defend your home.” He turned and stormed away.

The Keeper returned after Fegan walked off. She’d been listening in and waiting for things to settle down before approaching. She handed me a vile of light green liquid. An infusion of royal elfroot and crystal grace. Two rare medicinal herbs. I offered her my thanks. It took a little bit of work to get Solas to drink the potion. He was nearly impossible to wake up, but eventually we managed to get the entirety of the infusion in his system.

His fever broke the same time the fighting started. I left his side to offer comfort to the mothers and children huddling together. Our clan didn’t have many hunters and the chances of them all returning was slim. The three mages of Clan Lavellan stayed in the camp, laying fire and ice runes in the dirt surrounding the aravels. I grabbed my staff and prepared for any bandit that made it past the hunters.

Three heavily armored men with broadswords charged through the thicket. The children screamed in alarm. One of the men stepped on a fire glyph. The following explosion rocked the man backwards and on fire. He rolled in the dirt, trying to put the magical fire out, but was unsuccessful. It was a horrible way to die. The other two fell victim to my storm magic. I didn’t hesitate and I didn’t feel the least bit upset that I ended two human lives.

The fighting died down and the hunters slowly made their way back to the camp. Keeper Lavellan and her two apprentices worked together mending injuries and setting broken bones. I checked on Solas. He looked almost back to full health. He was no longer pale and clammy. He looked as if he was merely resting. I kissed his forehead and took off into the forest to assist the hunters that were unable to walk back.

I found half a dozen men with leg injuries. They wound would fester if not treated properly. I took my time treating each one, pouring as much healing magic that I needed to close the wound. I didn’t repair all of the damage, just enough to keep it from becoming infected. I was patching up the last elf, a girl no older than sixteen. What was she doing out here fighting bandits? She should have been with the children that stayed behind.

I finished healing the wound to her knee and a large gash across her abdomen. With instructions to take it easy, I sent her back to the camp with the others. I stood up and wiped sweat from my face. I’d used a lot of energy and needed either a nap or a lyrium potion. I headed back to the camp. Solas should be ready to move shortly, and I wanted to be gone from here by daybreak.

A hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me around and shoved me against a tree. Fegan. He was covered in the blood of the bandits. His eyes were black and calculating. He’d been following me. I cursed at myself for not realizing it until it was too late. He had warned me that he wanted my blood on his blade. I hadn’t expected him to make a move so soon.

“You’re all alone out here and so very tired.” He smirked, “What are you going to do? Scream? They will hear you and come running, but it will be too late.”

I pinned him with my best glare, “They will know it was you.”

“Will they?” He held up a short sword. It was of human design. “A bandit did you in. I was got here just in time to see you fall.”

He trailed the edge of the blade across the hollow of my throat hard enough that it bit into the skin and drew blood. I hissed. A tree branch snapped behind Fegan. I couldn’t see who was standing there, it was too dark. Fegan was too focused on me to hear it.

“I suggest you let her go.”

I gasped. Solas! Fegan pressed the tip of the blade against the soft skin between my clavicles. It pierced the skin and I stopped breathing, afraid that if I did, it would do more damage.

“What are you going to do about it, Flat-ear?”

A sword pierced through Fegan’s stomach. He dropped the blade that was against my throat and looked down at the protruding blade in disbelief. Solas shoved the blade deeper, looking over his shoulder and down at me. His eyes were dark with rage. I knew in that moment I wasn’t seeing Solas, but the Dread Wolf.

“Ma halam.” Solas growled in the man’s ear. He pulled the blade out and pushed Fegan aside like a rag-doll. He dropped the sword on the ground. “Are you alright?”

I pushed away from the tree and brought my hand to my throat. It was warm and wet with blood. None of the cuts were deep, thankfully. I glanced down at Fegan. He laid in a pool of his own blood. He was still alive, but barely. He was staring up at us in disbelief. I shuddered to think of what he would have done if Solas hadn’t arrived when he did.

“I’m okay.” I answered.

I reached out for Solas My hands rested against the firmness of his chest. The adrenaline in my system faded away and I found myself reduced to tears. He pulled me into a hug and held me tightly as I cried. He whispered in ancient elvhen, words I assume were meant to sooth and console.

Once I calmed, he pulled me back and looked into my eyes. Solas traced his thumb across my vallaslin before he bent down and kissed me, “Come, Vhenan, let get you cleaned up.”

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang onto your hats ladies and gentlemen, things are heating up!   
> Italics = the fade

_The fade twisted around me, forming to a memory lost to the land in which I slept. I’d never slipped so deeply into the fade before. I was always content to wonder in the creations of my mind, whether they were memories of my days as a human, or wild and crazy fantasies. Now, I stood in the woods mirroring the ones in which I slept. Instead of the Dalish camp, I saw human men with torches stalking through the trees in the cover of night. Off in the distance, a small group of elves scattered, scared for their lives. In one woman’s arms was a young girl of eight or nine. Her platinum blonde hair clung to her damp cheeks. She was terrified._

_I reached out and cried a warning as one of the humans notched an arrow and aimed towards the mother. My cry went unheard and the woman stumbled and fell, twisting herself so she didn’t land on the child. A man, the child’s father cried out, dropping to his knees before the woman. She spoke in hushed, rapid elvhen. He reached for the girl, but she clung too tightly to her mother’s clothing. A rogue appeared behind the man and impaled him with his hunting knife._

_I ran towards them, then. I knew this was a memory of the fade, but I had to do something. I couldn’t stand by and watch this family succumb to this. I couldn’t watch a little girl die._

_The father crumbled, dead before he hit the ground. The girl screamed in terror, begging for her parents to get up. The rogue hovered over the girl, hesitating. The girl saw the blood on the knife and her eyes grew wide. Magic erupted from her in tendrils of purple electricity. The rogue jumped backwards, but was unable to escape the fury of the child. They crumpled in a heap of smoking clothing._

_The girl stared at the carnage and hyperventilated. Panic overtook the child. She cried and shook, unable to process the reality of the situation. A tree branch snapped behind me and the girl’s eyes darted around, terrified. She looked at me—no through me. I gasped. I knew those lyrium blue eyes._

_The memory dispersed and another took its place._

_Over and over, the fade twisted and reformed, revealing long buried memories. With each new scene, I felt a piece of me fade away. I tried to wake up, to stop the floodgates from overwhelming me._

_“Solas!” I screamed his name, praying he could hear me. He was a powerful dreamer, and he’d come to my aide before. I was banking on him coming to my aid now._

* * *

 

_Solas reclined on a low hanging tree branch, watching as a memory long lost to the land played out before him. A travel beaten path muddied from the spring rains. Flowers sprung up on either side, a guide to the temple not far ahead. Children laughed and played in the young trees, climbing them and swinging between branches. Their mothers watched them with a protective eye as they gossiped amongst themselves._

_The small path opened way to reveal a small, yet grand temple dedicated to Fen’Harel. Two large wolf statues lay in guard of the entrance. The children squealed in delight and darted towards the wolves. People of this time were not afraid of the Dread Wolf. They came to him with open hearts and open minds, all wanting one thing. To be freed from their service to others of the pantheon. These families were no different. The vallaslin on their faces showed tribute to Falon’din_

_Solas’s stomach knotted on sight of his younger self stepping out of the temple to great his guests. He ran a hand over his smooth head and lamented the loss of his long auburn hair. It was a choice to keep his hair non-existent, but it was a choice born from his need to separate himself from the past. He was not that man anymore, therefore he should not mimic his looks._

_Fen’Harel welcomed the families into the temple with a grand gesture of his arms. The children scampered off his statues to follow their mothers inside. He would begin removing the vallaslin immediately._

_Kanani’s vallaslin flashed across his mind’s eye. A simple tattoo marking her a servant of Mythal. As far as the evanuris, she was marked for the best of them, but he despised what the markings stood for. No person, whether they be elvhen, human, dwarf or qunari, should wear the markings of a slave. They all deserved freedom._

_Her face brought a slew of emotions he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with. She made him feel alive. She made him hope for the first time since he awoke from Uthenera, that the modern day elves weren’t beyond hope. If they could raise a woman with such a free-thinking mind and subtle wisdom, perhaps there were others. Perhaps he had misjudged them. He shook his head. No, Kanani was a one-of-a-kind woman. Her clan proved that to him upon their first meeting. They mistrusted her, degraded her all because she refused to believe what she was taught. She wanted to see the world and learn the truth for herself, not from an old woman who only knew what was taught to her by her Keeper._

_He saw the mistrust in their eyes as they looked upon her and him. They looked at her differently now. She saved their lives that day despite their poor treatment of her. She used the last of her strength healing their wounds and offering comfort. He had forced her to retire for the night. Solas knew she wanted to depart from the clan immediately, but after her encounter with Fegan and expending all of her mana, she was in no condition to travel._

_“Solas!”_

_Kanani’s voice tore through the fade, calling out to him. She was scared and in pain. Solas dispersed the ancient memory with a mere thought and rushed to find her. This wasn’t the first time she’d called out in the fade, but it was the first she’d called for him directly. Fear gripped his heart._

_He found her pocket of the fade and pushed his way inside. He found her curled in the fetal positon, holding her head in pain. The fade warped around her, taking shapes of memories long buried. They shifted as quickly as they formed. Kanani screamed out his name again._

_“Make it stop…I can’t…” She begged, He’d never seen her so helpless and it broke his heart, “I don’t want to forget.”_

_He dropped down beside her and pulled her into his lap, cradling her to his chest. “Hush, Vhenan, I’m here.” She whimpered and clutched his tunic._

_“Help me. I can’t…”_

_He hesitated. To dispel this dream, this flood of memories that was causing her pain would take more magic than an average dreamer should have._

_She started shaking, “Solas, Ma’fen, do it!” He looked down at the woman in his arms, unsure if he heard her correctly. She grabbed the wolf jaw pendant and squeezed. He swallowed his hesitation and did as she asked. With a single burst of magic, the memories shattered around them. They now sat in a large flowery field. The very same one he brought her to after her encounter with the fear demon._

* * *

 

_The pain stopped immediately and the fog over my mind cleared. The memories still clawed at the back of my mind, but no new ones were being added. Regaining a single memory was rough enough on my psyche, but a life-times worth would have broken me. Already, I felt the effect of regaining lost memories. Pieces of who I am, who I was were missing, fragmented in the barrage. People and places from my world that I could recall easily were now blurry and unfocused. I sobbed when I was unable to bring my own face into memory. Did I have long or short hair? Brown or green eyes. Little, but important details were missing._

_Solas brushed his hand down the back of my loose hair in an attempt to soothe my tears. I pulled myself away from his chest and relinquished my hold on the wolf jaw pendant. I looked up into this grey-blue eyes. He watched me with apprehension. His fingers ghosted over the wolf jaw pendant. He was afraid. Afraid for my sanity and the possibility his secret was no longer a secret._

_Was this the right time to tell him? I’d already called him my wolf. It was evidence enough, but it I could claim it was because of his pendant. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and tucked my hair behind my ears. No, I couldn’t lie to him. If I was going to lose more of myself, I needed to tell him before I lost that, too. Perhaps then, I would retain that knowledge._

_I reached out and cupped his cheek, “You came.”_

_His eyes softened, “I always will. Are you alright?”_

_“I will be, thanks to you.” I dropped my hand to cover the hand that was touching the pendant. It was now or never. There wouldn’t be another opportunity like this. “This makes the second time you’ve saved me here in the fade.”_

_His eyes widened a fraction and he opened him mouth to say something, but nothing came out._

_I shook my head, “I know it was you that saved me from the fear demon. I would know the feel of your magic anywhere.”_

_“Then you…”_

_“Yes. I know who you are.” I squeezed his hand, “and the truth does not frighten me.”_

_I expected denial or anger. I hadn’t expected him to crush me to his chest and kiss me thoroughly. He pulled back to take in a ragged breath and to look at me. I saw the moment when he threw caution to the wind. He kissed me again with a ferocity that had my insides turned to jelly. I’d never been kissed like this before. My body was on fire and he was the only thing that was keeping me from combusting. I pressed myself against him, wanting—needing more._

_He tore himself from my lips and took in a ragged breath. “No, this isn’t right. Not here.”_

_“Solas…” I moaned his name. He couldn’t kiss me like that than leave me wanting. That was not fair._

_He shook his head, “We can continue this another time, but you should_ wake up.” _A brush of magic tingled my skin and the dream shattered._

I sat up, wide awake with my heart racing. I clutched my hands to my chest and took a deep breath. I tossed back my blanket and scrambled into my armor. I bolted out of the tent, surprised to see it was still dark. My clan was still fast asleep in their tents and aravels. Movement caught my attention.

Solas stepped out of his tent. He gazed over at me with a mixture of apprehension and need. My heart skipped a beat, remembering the heat of our fade kiss. I approached him slowly. I placed the palm of my hand against his pendant and looked up into his eyes.

“You’re Fen’Harel.” I whispered, careful not to let anyone hear me. He remained silent, but nodded in acknowledgment.

He kissed the top of my head and took my hands in his. With a sigh that sounded like relief, he whispered, “Ar lath ma, Vhenan.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update! I've been super busy with my new job. It's a short, but cute chapter and I hope to have a more substantial chapter posted by the end of the week!

Our journey across the Waking Sea was easier going on the way back. Solas, the beautiful genius he was, managed to concoct a potion that kept my stomach from churning. I was still uncomfortable with traveling by sea, but at least this time I wasn’t projectile vomiting off the side of the ship. Upon arriving in Highever, Nesine sent word ahead to Skyhold on the wings of a raven. They should be expecting us with in the week.

A blizzard blew in once we reached the base of the Frostback Mountains, leaving us stranded in a small village of maybe fifty people. None of them knew what to make of two travel warn elves. The tavern was small but advertised rooms for rent upstairs. The man behind the bar scowled at us and refused to serve two “knife-ears”. I was ready to bow out and pitch a tent outside, but Solas stiffened at the derogatory name. I felt him readying for a confrontation and placed my hand on the small of his back. His eyes flickered over at me.  I shook my head and motioned that we should leave.

A plump woman stepped out of the kitchens located behind the bar. She assessed the situation with a critical eye and wiped flour on her already floured apron. She hurried out from behind the counter and stopped in front of me. She grabbed my free hand and clucked unhappily with the coldness in my fingers. “My poor dear, you’re frozen!” She turned towards the bartender, “Morris, fetch two bowls of stew and some tea. We can’t have our guests going hungry.”

“But Ms. Banor, they’re…” he pointed to our ears. He seemed unable to bring himself to call us knife-ears.

“They are frozen stiff and need refuge from this storm!” She shouted, “I don’t care if they have two heads and purple skin, they are people and by the Maker, treat them as such!”

Morris held his tongue and bowed his head in shame. His eyes, however, showed just how much he hated obeying Ms. Banor. He scuttled to kitchen and returned with two large bowls of thick, meaty stew. He went back for the tea, but I stopped him.

“Ser Morris? My friend doesn’t drink tea, perhaps water instead?” I asked as politely as I could. He scowled at me, but grunted in affirmation.

Me. Banor sat beside me at the bar. She glanced between Solas and I and down at my hands, obviously searching for a wedding ring. She wasn’t sure what to make of a man and a woman traveling alone together. She was polite enough not to ask, but she did inquire if we would be comfortable sharing a room for the night.

“One room is fine, Ms. Banor. Thank you for your hospitality,” Solas answered.

“You’re welcome, Sweetie. Enjoy your dinner. I will show you to your quarters when you are finished.”

We ate in silence and followed our plump hostess upstairs. They had four rooms in total, three of which were already occupied. One of the occupants seemed to be having a very good time, if the sounds coming from the room were any indication. The fact that it seemed to be two men, had Ms. Banor flushed redder than a tomato.

Luckily for us, our room was as far away from that room as it could be. Our hostess unlocked the door and ushered us in. It was a small room with a small night stand and a single sized pallet with a straw-stuffed mattress. I eyed the space between the bed and the window, that’s where I wanted to sleep. That bed did not looked, and smelled like it had been cleaned in ages.

“It’s not much, but it sure beats sleeping in the snow.” Ms. Banor smiled.

“We appreciate your kindness,” I bowed my head, “It will do nicely.”

Ms. Banor shut the door behind her. I dropped my traveling pack on the floor and tossed opened the small window. The cold, crisp air was a nice change from the stale, musty odor of the mattress. Solas placed his pack beside mine and began tracing sigils on the door. Warding magic, my new memories provided. It would warn the caster if the door was disturbed in anyway. The second sigil he placed on the bottom of the door, I did not recognize.

“What’s that one do?”

He finished casting the spell, “It’s something I made up along my travels. Anybody who opens this door will trip upon entering. It’s simple, but rather effective. Let’s just hope our hostess doesn’t try to bring us breakfast in bed. That would be rather messy.”

I smiled, “You’ll have to show me that one sometime. So, how’s this going to work?” I gazed at the bed and grimaced.

“I’d rather not sleep with the fleas tonight.” He eyed the bed with a look of disgust. “There should be enough floor space for the two of us to sleep comfortably if we push the pallet against the wall.”

The floor space doubled with the movement of the bed. We were able to roll out both of our bedrolls. It was a tight fit, and it was almost guaranteed that we would end up kicking or rolling over into each other in our sleep, but it wouldn’t be uncomfortable. I sat on my bedroll and untied my hair, allowing it to hang loose over my shoulders. I grabbed my comb from my pack and started brushing.

“Here, let me.” Solas sat behind me, cross-legged and held his hand out for the comb. I handed it to him, unable to hide my shock. He didn’t seem like the kind of man who would enjoy brushing somebody else’s hair. He was gentle and thorough, leaving me practically purring. Nothing felt better than having somebody playing with my hair.

I hummed my content, “This feels amazing.”

He placed the comb beside him and shifted me so my right side was facing him. I eyed him curiously. He smiled at me and ran his fingers through my hair, separating the front from the back. “I’ve always enjoyed it when you wear your hair down.” He took the separated hair and began braiding it.

“I only wear it up because it’s always getting in my eyes.”

“I assumed as much.” He finished the braid and used my hair tie to tie if off. He pulled one of my spares out of my bag and sat in on his knee. He motioned for me to turn around. Once I was repositioned, he began the same process on my left side. “By braiding it, it should keep it from getting in your eyes.”

“Are you suggesting I wear my hair like this for your benefit?” I asked flirtatiously.

He rewarded me with a smirk, “If that’s how you want to think of it.”

Once he finished my braids, I turned around so my back was facing him. He accommodated his position to allow me to slide between his knees and rest against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and placed his chin on top of my head. I’d never felt as safe as I did then. A dragon could have landed on the roof, and I wouldn’t have been afraid. It was unspoken, but I knew this man would protect me from anything the world could throw at us, and I would do the same. There was a trust between us that wasn’t there before we left Skyhold. It was the one good thing to come of this journey.

The blizzard howled outside, blowing snow into our room. The accumulating snow on the mattress forced us to separate. We were reluctant, but moisture on the already musty, smelly mattress would not do it any favors. I closed the shutters while Solas went to work drying the mattress with magic.

His fluidity with magic amazed me. I leaned against the wall and watched him work. I could feel the heat radiating off his hands and could only imagine myself doing it and catching the building on fire. I was hopeless when it came to fire magic. He took notice of me watching and offered to teach me. I only laughed and declined the offer. I did not want to repay Ms. Banor’s kindness with flames. He took notice of me watching and offered to teach me. I only laughed and declined the offer. I did not want to repay Ms. Banor’s kindness with flames.

With the mattress dried out, we decided it was best to get to sleep early. The storm wouldn’t last all night, or so we hoped. If we headed out first thing, we would be in Skyhold by dinner.

Solas surprised me for the second time that evening. He laid on his back and held out his left arm so it draped across my bedroll. I looked down at him curiously, unsure what he was doing. He studied me for a moment, trying to figure out why I was confused.

Realization dawned on him, “Vhenan, come here. Let me hold you tonight.”

I blushed a lovely shade of red and awkwardly laid down beside him, not a hundred percent sure where to put my head. I’d read books and seen movies, but the memories of them were hazy at best. I took a deep breath and pushed my thoughts away. Overthinking never did anybody any good. Instinct would lead me the right direction. I hoped. He was patient with me while I adjusted and found a comfortable spot. His arm wrapped around me and I draped my arm over his chest. By the time we were both comfortable, I was thoroughly embarrassed.

Sleep came easily in this position. It didn’t matter that we were laying on hardwood floor. I’d grown used to sleeping in the wilderness, but it always took me awhile to get comfortable enough to sleep. Laying in the comfort and safety of Solas’s arms had me fast asleep in minutes.

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that it's the weekend, time to start pumping out the chapters!! I did a little bit of a time jump here, but I think it will help get the story rolling.

I couldn’t believe how much time had passed since I returned from the Free Marches. Barely two days after our return, Evie rushed into my quarters, telling me to pack for a long journey to the Western Approach. We were to meet Hawke and Warden Alistair at an old ritual tower. The thought of going out with Evie normally excited me, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to come along to the Western Approach. The desert was full of pleasantries for everybody. Nothing good ever happened there. The only reason I didn’t argue was because I wanted to know more about Alistair. I knew little to nothing about him as a Warden, only as King of Fereldan. I was curious to see how the Grey Wardens changed him. Of course, that was easier said than done with battling our way through demons, phoenix’s, hyenas, and quillbacks. Let’s not forget the groups of Venatori that littered the place.

Now that we were back in Skyhold, I found myself lingering on the ramparts, watching as Hawke and Alistair talked. He was different than he was in Origins. Older and only slightly more mature. He was still offering witty one-liners that had us laughing. He’d lost some of his luster after the encounter with Erimond. He was worried for Surana, the Hero of Fereldan and his lover. She’d left to find a cure for the Wardens shortly before rumor of Corypheus began to circulate and she was unaware of the danger he posed to the warden mages. 

When Hawke and Merrill took their leave, I approached hesitantly. “Alistair?”

The warden turned and offered me a wide smile that warmed his brown eyes. He was still as handsome as he was during the fifth blight. “Kana, what do I owe the honor?”

I walked past him and leaned against the wall of the rampart, “I was just curious about a few things, that’s all. You were here in Fereldan during the fifth blight. Fenedhis, you had a front row seat.”

He laughed, “That I did. What do you want to know?”

“How did you keep your sanity? It was you, Surana and a band of merry misfits against a force that could destroy the world.” I gazed down at the courtyard where Iron Bull was teaching Krem how to do a proper shield bash. It was a lot like our band of misfits.

He stepped up beside me and followed my gaze. “It was hard. There were times when we thought hope was lost, but Surana never lost her smile. I think that alone kept us all fighting. No matter how tough things got, she’d stand there and smile.”

“Evie is the same way. If it’s not a smile, it’s a dirty joke or a witty comment. It keeps us motivated, but what keeps her going?”

He looked over at me, “You, for one. You two are close. That much is obvious to anybody with a pair of eyes.”

“She needs something more than me to keep her going. Our friendship is strong, but she needs something stronger. She needs what Surana has. She needs somebody to love her, not because she’s the Inquisitor, but for who she is.”

He looked over at me, sadness filling his lovely brown eyes. “You are surprisingly wise for somebody so young.”

I touched his arm gently, unsure what would make him look at me like that. It was like his heart was being ripped from his chest. “What is it?”

He shook his head, “Nothing, it’s just…you,” he paused. “Well, would you look at that?” He pointed further down the ramparts.

* * *

 

Evelyn leaned heavily on the stone walls leading to the war room. She couldn’t bring herself to step inside and tell her advisors what she learned in the Western Approach. Telling them would make it more substantial, force her to take action. Grey Wardens were supposed to be heroes, not the shadow of an organization they were now. How far they have fallen to succumb to the lies of a Tevinter mage whispering lies into their ears. They feared the calling, it was only reasonable, but it did not warrant summoning a demon army to march upon the deep roads. How could Clarel think this mad plan would work? Could she not see that her mages were now puppets of Corypheus?

The dull ache spreading across her forehead warned Evelyn of an incoming migraine. She rubbed her temples in an attempt to ease the pain, but it was no use. The stress of being Inquisitor was becoming too much. How could everybody expect her to make world shaking decisions? Nobody should have the power bestowed upon her. She didn’t want it, but she couldn’t see anybody else doing it. Only she had the power to close the rifts. She alone stood against Corypheus and his dragon and survived, even if it was by luck.

The sound of armored boots on stone pulled her from her thoughts. She lifted her head to see Commander Cullen walking towards the war room. She was unable to stop the small smile that graced her lips. He’d had that effect on her for months, especially after their arrival in Skyhold.  His passion and determination burned in her memory. He had looked at her not as the commander of the forces but as a man. She’s been unable to shake him from her mind ever since.

“Inquisitor,” He stopped a respectable distance from her and bowed his head in greeting. His voice no longer held the formality it used to. Their weekly chess matches were to thank for that. It was hard to keep formality when he was busy trying to keep his king from being taken.

“Commander,” She pushed off the wall and stood at her full height, still several inches shorter than the Commander.

“Am I late?” He inquired. His hand reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. It was a nervous tick of his that she found absolutely adorable. He did it a lot in her presence and offered her proof that he too was dancing around their growing infatuation.

Evelyn shook her head. There wasn’t a formal meeting scheduled, thankfully. Josephine and Leliana were in the war room going over reports and debating political movements and schemes. The Herald and the Commander were not needed for that. Leliana, however would be waiting for her arrival, no doubt knowing three days in advance when Evelyn would return to Skyhold. It amazed her how quickly information found their Spymaster.

The Inquisitor and the Commander stared at each other for a moment before Cullen took a step closer. “Are you alright? You look like something is bothering you.”

Unsure how to handle to new proximity of the Commander, Evelyn went back to leaning against the wall. It was a cool contrast to the building heat in her body. She couldn’t continue to dance around the Commander. She needed to either stop thinking about him romantically or drag it into the open. Cullen was too job oriented to do it himself. Her head throbbed. Taking the opportunity to post pone her meeting with all three advisors, she gathered her courage.

“Do you think we could talk? Alone, I mean.” She glanced over at the war room door. She didn’t feel comfortable talking about private matters so close to the Spymaster.

Whatever he had expected, it was not that. The shock of it was plainly written across his face. “Alone? I mean, of course.”

Evelyn and Cullen walked in companionable silence through the hold. They were greeted by passing soldiers, mages and civilians alike. They passed by the roaring fire in the Great Hall. Varric was sitting at one of the long tables writing furiously between long gulps of ale. He looked up long enough to offer a friendly hello and went back to his writing. They walked across the courtyard, past the tavern and up the staircase that led to the ramparts.

Evelyn stared out at the valley and the peaks beyond Skyhold. The sight of the Frostbacks still took her breath away. Despite the turmoil in the world, views like this reminded her that there was something worth fighting for.

The silence wore on Cullen and his hand rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s a nice day.”

“What?” His voice caught her off guard, shaking her from her reverie. She immediately cursed herself mentally for sounding like an idiot.

He dropped his arm and looked around for something. Courage, perhaps. “It’s…there was something you wished to discuss.”

_Oh yeah._ She chided herself, feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment. She stared at the sun’s reflection on his breastplate. Now that they were alone, she wasn’t sure she could do this. _Get it together, Trevelyan. You’ve fought dragons and magisters. Surely admitting you’re falling in love with the Commander of the Inquisition won’t be that hard._

She steeled herself for possible rejection and let the words stumble out, “I find myself thinking of you. More than…well, all the time, really.”

_Real smooth…_

He started walking, eyeing a guard as she walked past. “I can’t say I haven’t wondered what it would be like.”

Evelyn kept pace with him, surprised that he was being so open. She expected embarrassment, denial, anything but this. Her heart swelled with possibility. “What’s stopping you?”

He turned on her, eyes filled with warmth. She stopped and put her back against the side of the rampart. “You’re the Inquisitor. We’re at war. And you…I didn’t think it was possible.” With each word he stepped closer until there was only inches between them.

Her heart fluttered with anticipation and she found a shred of courage. “And yet I’m still here.”

He leaned in, his breath warm against her face. “So you are…It seems too much to ask, but I want to—“

The door to the tower swung open and one of his soldiers walked out holding a report in his hand. “Commander!” The soldier’s eyes never left the report, failing to see the anger flair across Cullen’s face and the disappointment in Evelyn’s eyes. “You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana’s report.”

Cullen pulled away from Evelyn and turned towards the man. “What?” He snarled. Evelyn was as shocked as the soldier to hear the frustration in his voice. The Commander was always calm and collected. Professional.

“Sister Leliana’s report. You wanted it delivered ‘without delay’.” Cullen stalked towards the soldier and Evelyn was almost certain he was going to cause his bodily harm. The soldier finally looked up from the report and took notice of his surroundings. Evelyn blushed red and tried to hide her face with her hand. “Or…to your office…right…” The soldier turned on his heels and all but ran back into the tower.

Worried she was keeping his from something potentially important, she spoke up. “If you need to—“

She was pleasantly interrupted by Cullen’s lips claiming hers. She gasped at the intensity of it, unsure how to respond to such need. His hands cupped her face gently, a contrast to the aggressiveness of the kiss. He pulled away and his hands fell to her shoulders.

“I’m sorry…That was…um…really nice.”

“You don’t regret it, do you?”

“No! No. Not at all.” He leaned in once more completely unaware that they had an audience.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally had the time to sit down and write a proper chapter! I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did writing it. <3

Skyhold was bustling with activity after the news of the impending siege on Adamant Fortress. We weren’t ready for that kind of encounter, so mass training ensued. Commander Cullen, Cassandra, Iron Bull, and Blackwall worked day in and day out getting the soldiers ready for the siege. They were trained for regular field combat, not for fighting on the thin pathways of ramparts. The warriors of the inner circle had their work cut out for them, but they weren’t the only ones hard at work.

The mage alliance made it known that they wanted to assist in the siege. We welcomed their aide, but growing up in the circle towers left their magical abilities stunted and untrained for combat. Solas, Dorian, Merrill and myself had our hands full teaching them how to effectively use the elements in combat without harming our allies. They were eager students and learned quickly. The mages unequipped to do battle hurried around gathering bandages and salves, making potions and prepping what they would need to run an effective field infirmary.

Sera and Varric were also pitching in. They were both excellent archers, far better than the average archer. Both of them specialized in different aspects of combat and were willing to teach a select few their arts. Artificer and Tempest classes weren’t for everybody, and most of Sera’s students ran screaming after she told them what a tempest did. Enveloping themselves in the fire and ice sounded amazing in theory, but to actually do it was another story.

Evie, Leliana, Josephine, Hawke and Alistair locked themselves in the war room for hours at a time discussing battle strategies and political ties that would help us in the upcoming battle. Their efforts managed to snag a handful of Jader’s best sappers and their battering rams and trebuchets.

It was amazing to see the efforts of Evelyn and the rest of the Inquisition being put to the test. Everybody was in high spirits, ready to prove themselves. Our soldiers had been drilling and training for this day since the attack on Haven. This would be one step towards retribution. If they could win at Adamant, the heavily fortified Grey Warden stronghold, they stood a chance at Corypheus.

In my free time, if I had any energy left to spare, I slipped away to the practice dummies behind the tavern. With each passing day I found myself forgetting a little more about my life before Thedas, but with the loss of that knowledge, I gained knowledge of this world and its workings. Among that knowledge was training Kana had been undergoing before her trip to the conclave. She never mastered the technique, but it was enough for me to pick up where she left off. If I could master it, I would dominate the battlefield like never before.

I stared at the sword in my hand. Instead of steel it was constructed entirely of magical energy. The light purple hue of the blade cast a soft glow against the stone wall of the keep to my left, giving me enough light to work in the darkness of the moonless night. I gave it a few test swings to make sure my concentration was strong enough to keep the blade’s shape as I moved.

I was going through a series of strikes and slashes when I realized I wasn’t alone. I lowered my sword and looked over where I sensed the presence. A smile graced my lips as I recognized the lithe form of Solas. I dispelled my weapon and walked over and greeted him with a bow of my head.

“I’d heard from Cassandra that you were practicing the magic of a Knight Enchanter.”

I gave him a nod of affirmation, though I was shocked that Cassandra knew about my training. I tried to keep it low key. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret, but I didn’t want to show anybody my new skill set until it was honed. As of right now I was just able to keep the sword’s shape. What movements and combination of sword strikes I knew where from watching the soldiers and my memories of the clan hunters practicing. I hadn’t actually participated in such practice. In fact, I was completely hopeless and in dire need of guidance. I had planned to ask Cassandra for assistance, but with her training the soldiers, she didn’t have time to add me to the list.

“Those techniques descend from those of ancient elven mages called Arcane Warriors. I wonder what they would think to see their magic used in defense of the chantry.”

I ignored his jab at the chantry. I wasn’t using this magic for their benefit, but to the benefit of myself and my friends. He knew I wasn’t, but he couldn’t resist poking at the religion. He disliked it almost as much as he did the Dalish.

“I doubt it was called Arcane Warrior in elven.” I was always asking for new words. My expanse of the elven language was already far beyond the average elf, but I didn’t know half of what I would like and Solas was always willing to give me lessons.

He gave me an approving smile, “The formal name for the techniques you are learning was the _Dirth’ena Enasalin_ ; knowledge that led to victory. Mages who eschewed physical confrontation called it _Ghilan’him banal’vhen_ ; the pain that leads astray.”

I filed those names away for future reference incase the Dread Wolf decided to give me a test on my newly acquired vocabulary. “What can you tell me about the Arcane Warriors? I know very little about them, and learned of the technique through book.”

“They were elite guardsmen, serving as bodyguards or champions for nobles. Mages who focused on spirits or the fade might sneer at their physicality, but never doubted their honor. They were the living embodiment of will made manifest, mind shaping the body into the perfect weapon.”

I smiled. I always loved hearing him lecture about the ways before the Fall. I wished I could see my ancestral home, even only in the Fade. Perhaps one of these nights, I will seek him out and ask him to show me.

“I hope they would be proud to see another of our people practicing their techniques.”

“I hope so as well. So much knowledge has been lost…” His voice trailed off sadly. “Perhaps having something they created carried forward, even in such a different form, would gratify them.”

I placed my hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention from the grass he suddenly found so entertaining. I hadn’t missed his emphasis on _our people_. Never before had he referred to me as one of his people. He was so adamant that the elves of this age were not his people. He had no people, he was alone amongst shems _._ Not even me, the one he called Vhenan, was not one of his people. Until now. My heart warmed considerably and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

“What troubles you?”

He met my gaze and cupped my cheek gently in the palm of his hand. “You should have been born in a different age. One where your beautiful mind would have grown and prospered. One where you were…”

“Immortal?” I offered as his voice trailed off again.

“Yes. You deserve a long, full life, not this quick, fleeting thing.” He drew on his iron will and recomposed himself. He was not a man to allow emotions to overtake him long. “I’m sorry. All this activity has hindered my judgement. I should not lay my worries at your feet.”

He started to turn and walk away, but I reached out and took his arm in my hand. I couldn’t let him walk away like this. “Don’t go.” He shook his head and reluctantly turned back and looked at me. “Solas, you are not alone anymore. I am here for you, no matter what you need.”

He answered with a fierce, demanding kiss that left me breathless. He rested his forehead against mine and breathed a sigh of relief, “I believe that was exactly what I needed.”

“Well, you certainly won’t hear me complaining.” I smiled.

He pulled me into a hug and placed his chin on the top of my head. “You should seek out one of the warriors for sword lessons. It will help your new technique tremendously.”

“I will once we are back from Adamant. Cassandra and Blackwall are too busy.”

“I will have a word with the Grey Warden, Alistair. He has been looking for a way to get out of the meetings with our Spymaster.”

 

* * *

 

The wooden sword hurt like hell when it slammed into my unguarded ribs. I swore colorfully in elven and glared up at the man who hit me. Alistair was a gentle soul, but he was a tough teacher. I was already sporting a dozen bruises across my body, all curtesy of him. Solas had been true to his word and spoke to the Warden. Alistair had orders to have me battle ready by the week’s end when we marched for Adamant. It was a tall order, but Alistair was up to the challenge. I, however, wasn’t certain I would survive it.

“You need to be aware of your surroundings, anticipate your opponent’s next move.” He coached. He brought his sword up and motioned for me to do the name. “Stay light on your toes, you need to be able to move at a moment’s notice. Don’t lock your knees.”

I had done exactly that when he rapped my ribs. I’d seen the blow coming, but wasn’t able to move in time. I brought the wooden sword back up and motioned that I was ready to try again. Our swords smashed together with enough force that I skid back on my heels. His weight and height advantage was something I needed to get past if I was going to beat him. I was more agile and had the benefit of magical talent. Perhaps I should use that to my advantage.

He feigned to the left. I saw the shift in his weight and acted. Before he could bring his sword down on my shoulder, I cloaked myself in magic and executed a fade-step. I reappeared behind Alistair in a trail of ice magic and placed the blade of the sword against his throat.

“Very sneaky.” He chuckled. “That will definitely catch your opponents off guard. Not many mages can pull that technique off as flawlessly as you did. I would not rely on it, though. A templar will feel the surge of magic and purge it on instinct. That will not do you any favors on the battlefield.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

Alistair leaned his sword against the fence of the practice arena. “Let’s take a break. I’m exhausted.”

I propped my sword beside his and pulled myself up on the fencing. He hadn’t even broken a sweat. I on the other hand was drenched in it and my arms felt like noodles. This break was for my sake, not his.

“Why did you agree to train me?”

He leaned against the railing beside me and looked up at the clear blue sky, “Have you ever sat in on meeting upon meeting with Leliana? She’s relentless.”

I laughed, because I knew what he was talking about. It was that steel determination that sent me to the Free Marches against my will. “And this provided you with an excellent excuse to miss her lectures?”

“Absolutely. Besides, once Evelyn learned of Solas’s idea, she jumped on board with it. There is no arguing with the Inquisitor.”

“Not once she has her heart set on something.” I agreed. “I do appreciate this. Hopefully I’m not too much of a bore.”

“Perish the thought, my lady. You are perfectly entertaining.” He flashed me a grin that took several years off him. I smiled back and watched him redden from his neck up to his cheeks. He cleared his throat and pushed away from the fence. Perhaps he was more worn out than he let on.

“How about we go grab a bite to eat? I’m famished.” I offered, “We can continue afterwards. I would like to take advantage of your templar training. It will be good for me to be ready to fight one in close combat.”

“Go on ahead, I’m going to clear my head a bit. I’ll meet you back here in an hour?”

“See you then, Alistair!”

I waved at the Warden and jogged up the large flight of stairs into the keep. I scent of freshly baked bread assaulted my nostrils. Followed the scent to the fireplace where Varric was sitting and relaxing. It looked like he just returned from his training session. I snatched up one of his bread rolls and stuffed it in my mouth before he could steal it back. He gave a half-hearted objection, but paused when he spotted the blossoming bruises on my uncovered arms.

“Andraste’s tits, Blue! Did you get into a fight with an ogre?”

I swallowed the heavenly bread and grabbed Varric’s mug of ale and took a healthy swig. “Alistair has been teaching me how to use a sword.” I rubbed the larger of the bruises and winced. It was tender.

“You’re a mage. Why would you want to use a sword when you can electrocute somebody from across the battlefield?”

“What do I do when somebody slips past our warriors and rogues? I’m defenseless if somebody gets in close with a weapon.”

“You have a fair point, but Chuckles is always spot on with his barriers. And you’re not so bad yourself.” He shook his head, “I just don’t like the idea of you being in close combat.”

His concern was enough to make me walk around the table and give him a hug. “I’ll be careful, I promise.” 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you have it! The siege of Adamant Fortress!

The ground shook with the force of the military force behind her. Tension was thick and adrenaline ran high. Adamant Fortress was drawing closer. The sappers wheeled the trebuchets away from the main force to set them up on the rocky ledges surrounding the fortress. The battering ram was brought forward and prepped for use. Commander Cullen stood at the front of the army with Evelyn at his side. The sight of them together warmed my heart and raised the morale of the soldiers. Together, those two made a dangerous team. The Grey Wardens wouldn’t know what hit them.

With the trebuchets in place, Cullen gave the order to fire. Massive flaming rocks hurtled through the air, smashing against the aging stone of the hold. Screams of dying men rang out into the night sky. If the Warden’s hadn’t known we were here, they did now. Horns blew and shouts rang out. They were preparing to defend their home. With a hand gesture, the battering ram wheeled towards the front gate along with ladders tall enough to hoist our soldiers onto the ramparts. Flaming arrows rained down on our advancing troops. I cringed at the sight of our first casualties.

With the ladders in place, our soldiers rushed into the keep. Grey Wardens standing guard above the door used the rubble from the keep as weapons against the soldiers wheeling in the ram. A half dozen of our troops were crushed before the ram was in place. A small contingency of mages gathered just out of range of their arrows and simultaneously cast barriers around our troops at the gate. Their combined power kept the rocks from claiming any more lives.

The keep was built before the age of modern siege weapons and succumbed quickly to the force of the battering ram. The gate collapsed inwards in a shower of splinters and our forces marched inside. That was our queue. Evelyn and her strike team was to slip inside and fight our way to the center of the keep. Evie, Blackwall, Solas and I followed a group of shielded warriors inside.

A flaming projectile flew over our heads, smashing into the wall just inside the gate. Our trebuchet was making quick work of the building, but they needed to be careful. With our men on the walls, the trebuchet could very well kill our own soldiers. Cullen, who was right behind us thought the same thing and sent an order back through the ranks to seize fire.

A Grey Warden warrior leaned over a wall further in and panicked when he saw the invading force, “Pull back! They’re through!” He turned and ran deeper into the fortress.

Cullen came to a stop beside our small strike team and met Evie’s eyes, “All right, Inquisitor. You have your way in. Best make use of it. We’ll keep the main host of demons occupied for as long as we can.” The worry in his eyes was plain for us all to see. He cared deeply for Evie, and watching her run into the thick of this mess was hurting him.

Evie nodded, “I’ll be fine. Just keep the men safe.”

“We’ll do what we have to, Inquisitor. Warden Alistair will guard your back.” The Warden in question stepped up beside Cullen and gave a courtesy nod to everyone present. “Hawke is with our soldiers on the battlements. He’s assisting them until you arrive.”

The scream of a dying man pierced the courtyard. One of our soldiers flew off the rampart and onto the ground only feet away. He was dead upon impact. A shade peered down at us and screeched with demonic rage, taunting us to come fight.

Cullen growled, “There’s too much resistance on the walls. Our men on the ladders can’t get a foothold. If you can clear out the enemies on the battlements, we’ll cover your advance.” Somebody called his name from underneath the battering ram. He paused to look at Evie a little longer before rushing back to see who needed him.

The five of us exchanged silent words of encouragement and drew our weapons. We rushed through the side door to our left only to be greeted by a group of warden mages and their pet demons. Their magic was swift and deadly. Alistair acted before anybody else, sending out a purge strong enough to disrupt their spells. He was accurate enough that neither Solas nor I felt even a trickle of his assault. Blackwall and Evelyn charged in, blades ready. The mages were quickly dispatched, but the demons proved to be tougher.

Corridor after corridor, mages and demons assaulted us. The five of us worked in tandem, always knowing where each other would be and how we would react. Even Alistair fell into our routine like he’d been with us since the beginning. His experience working with others during the Fifth Blight proved to be invaluable.

We ran down a short flight of stairs and encountered a sight we hadn’t expected. Warden mages and their pet demons attacking the warrior Wardens. The warriors begged for their comrades and friends to halt their assault, but their pleas fell on deaf ears. We jumped into the fray, helping the warriors fight off their friends. It wasn’t easy having to cut them down while their comrades looked on, but they did nothing to stop us.

Once the fighting drew to its bloody conclusion, Evie’s voice rang out over the area, “The Inquisition is here to stop Clarel, not to kill Wardens. If you fall back, you won’t be harmed!”

The senior warden in the ranks bowed his head in thanks, “All right. My men will stay back. We want no part in this. Deal with Clarel as you must.”

“Nicely done.” Solas said to Evie as they started to walk away. “I’m glad some of them could be reasoned with.”

We found ourselves winding through endless corridors and up a large flight of stairs. The battlements were full of demons and Grey Warden mages fighting against our troops. Cullen was right, there was far too much resistance up here. As we neared the fighting, I raised my staff up in the air and brought down a force of lighting that wreathed the enemies, corralling them inside a magical cage they could not escape from. Our soldiers jumped back in surprise, but relief showed in their eyes as they caught sight of us. Solas took advantage of my storm cage and unleashed a furry of ice as he rained down a deadly blizzard. Tiny blades of ice dances inside my cage, cutting the enemies to ribbons.

“That was impressive.” Alistair whistled in surprise.

I flashed him a proud smile and darted off towards the next group of resistance. Hawke was slicing through a large swath of demons with a sword larger than he was. Merrill stood behind him, wrapping demons in magically conjured vines and using blood magic to tear them to pieces. The two of them were a force to be reckoned with, but they were going to need help against the hulking pride demon that approached.

Our warriors charged in to confront the pride demon while Evie focused on a despair demon that was fluttering about the field freezing everything with its beam of ice. Solas focused on keeping barriers erected on our friends and I threw my magic at the desire demons. They were wicked fast and damned near impossible to hit, but with a lot of effort, Evie and I cut them down. We turned our attention to the pride demon. It was going to be a problem.

The demon cracked its electrical whip, sending Blackwall and Alistair flying backwards into a barricade of boxes. Hawke took a swing at it, only to be swatted away like a gnat. The glimmer of blue magical energy was the only thing that kept the Champion from taking bodily harm. Pride turned its attention to Evie, the annoying rogue stabbing and hacking with her twin daggers. It’s big, hulking fist came down towards her. She wouldn’t be able to dodge in time and I cursed.

I expelled a burst of magic that sent me through the fade and in front of Evie faster than a blink of an eye; the fastest fade-step I’d ever performed. I dropped my staff and conjured my arcane sword. Electricity crackled down its blade and sparked when the pride demon’s fist crashed against it. I struggled to hold off the demon’s fist; its strength far greater than my own.

“Move!” Solas shouted with authority.

I wrapped Evie and I both in magic and pulled us into another fade step. A large stone fist smashed into the demon, sending its sprawling. Our warriors were back on their feet, rejuvenated by a wash of healing magic casted by Solas. It took a lot of concentration to heal a group and to conjure a stonefist enough power to knock over a pride demon. A feat only the Dread Wolf could perform.

The demon fell and Evelyn asked Hawke to stay back and protect our troops. He agreed with a silent nod and ran towards the ladders where more soldiers were coming up. With him and Merrill, they stood a better chance at survival. We cleared out the rest of the demons preventing the troops coming up the west wall before moving towards the center of the fortress.

We found Clarel and Magister Erimond in a small stone courtyard looking down at a small gathering of her Wardens, both mages and warriors. Sitting over the fountain in the center was a tear in the veil. The eerie green light of the fade bled through it, charging the air with strong magical energy.

“Wardens,” Clarel’s voice rang out over her men as she paces back and forth, “we are betrayed by the very world we have sworn to protect.”

Erimond growled at her speech, “The Inquisition is inside, Clarel. We have no time to stand on ceremony!”

Clarel pinned him with a glare that would have lesser men shaking in their boots, “These men and women are giving their lives, magister. That might mean little in Tevinter, but for the Wardens, it is a sacred duty.” She turned toward a female elf dressed in Dalish hunting armor, “Are you ready, Jana?”

The elf knelt before the Warden-Commander, fear evident in her voice. It shook with her effort to hold back tears, “I came to save people from the Blight.” She rose as Clarel stood behind her, drawing a dagger and pressing to the young woman’s throat.

“And so you shall, child.” She drew the blade across her throat, spilling her innocent blood. Magic rose from the spilled life force, forcing the blood to travel towards the crack in the veil. The hairs on my arm raised with the power of it. I knew blood magic was powerful, but this was beyond comprehension. It sang a deadly song, one that burned my ears. This wasn’t right.

I rushed forward, throwing healing magic towards the young girl, but it was too late. Her life was already gone. I cursed my slowness and focused my rage on the magister and the Warden Commander. They would pay for this.

Erimond spotted us and bellowed at the Wardens. “Stop them! We must complete the ritual!”

The warriors made an approach, drawing their weapons, but their hearts weren’t in it. They were sickened by the sacrifice of the young elf. Perhaps they weren’t beyond saving. Evelyn stepped in front of me, her shoulders squared and her head held high.

“Clarel, if you complete that ritual, you’re doing exactly what Erimond wants.”

Erimond sneered down at Evie, “What, fighting the blight? Keeping the world safe from darkspawn? Who wouldn’t want that?” His honeyed words lit confidence in the warrior’s eyes, “And yes, the ritual required blood sacrifice. Hate me for that if you must, but to not hate the wardens for doing their duty.”

“We make the sacrifices no one else will. Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them.”

Alistair snarled, “And _he_ binds your mages to Corypheus!”

That name surprised Clarel, “Corypheus? But he’s dead.”

Erimond stepped in close to Clarel and spoke to her, influencing her, “These people will say anything to shake you confidence, Clarel.”

The Warden-Commander ran her hand over her face. It was clear she was unsure of what to do next. Evie and Alistair had shaken her resolve, given her room for doubt. She glanced down at her wardens and up at the tear in the veil. With a regretful sigh she spoke, “Bring it through.”

The mages began pouring magic into the tear, opening it further. If they continued, they would cause a rift that would bring forth more demons, stronger demons. This would be no normal sized rift, but one that may rival that of the Breach. Evie and Alistair stepped forward just as Hawke rushed on to the scene. With a trained eye, he scanned the area and shook his head.

“Please, I have seen more than my share of blood magic! It is never worth the cost!” Hawke pleaded with the warriors. I thought immediately to Merrill, his lover, who was using blood magic earlier on the battlements. I wonder if he was okay with it because she only used her own blood.

“I helped fight the Archdemon in Fereldan! Could you consider listening to me?” Alistair shouted.

The tear widened, revealing a large, multi-eyed demon that sent shivers up my spine. I stepped closer to Solas for comfort. He too had seen the demon moving beyond the veil and was watching it closely.

“Be ready with the ritual, Clarel. This demon is truly worthy of your strength.”

Blackwall stepped forward then, “You don’t know me, but you may have heard my name. Like you, I’ve given my life to the Grey Wardens. The first time I put on this armor, I felt like I belonged, like I was part of something honorable, something with a purpose. I know how good that feels. How safe. But fighting and dying here today won’t stop the Blight. If you want to stop the Blight, kill that bastard up there. His master is the living embodiment of its corruption.”

The Warden warriors gave pause at his speech. Even I was touched by the heartfelt words of our Warden friend. Seeing his comrades like this hurt him, and he let them see it. He didn’t offer them pity, he offered them confidence and purpose. Kill the bastard who did this to them. The warriors turned to the Warden-Commander. Surely she could see the truth of Blackwall’s words. Clarel turned towards Erimond. It seemed he had reached her after all.

Erimond took a step backwards, “Clarel, we have come so far. You’re the only one who can do this”

Clarel shook her head, “Perhaps we could test the truth of these charges, to avoid more bloodshed.”

“Or perhaps I should bring in a more reliable ally.” He turned to face us, pounding his staff into the ground. Magic poured into the air, summoning magic. “My master thought you might come here, Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!”

The blighted dragon from Haven rose high into the sky, screaming its rage for everybody to hear. Fear ran through my body, freezing me in place. That Dragon destroyed my first real home, killed so many of our friends and allies. I could never forget the terror of that night, and it threatened to overtake me now.

It dove for us, breathing its corrupted breath on the courtyard. Red energy scoured the stone and ignited the wood. Evelyn and Alistair barely dodged out of the way of the attack. Solas grabbed my arm and pulled into the doorway leading into the courtyard. He saw the fear take me and gripped my shoulders tightly.

“Vhenan, you need to come to your senses. This fear is not your own.” He pointed towards the tear in the veil. The enormous demon lurked behind the too-small tear and roared. The sound of it was drowned out by the dragon, but I felt it in my bones. “That is a fear demon. Focus your mind, do not give it a foothold.”

I felt the truth of his words. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing and slowed my heartrate. I could feel the tendril’s of Fear’s power latching onto my heart, taking my fear and amplifying them beyond recognition. With a small expenditure of magic, I purged the demon’s hold over me.

“Thank you. Let’s go kick some demon ass.”

Smaller demons poured out of the tear. The Wardens and my companions worked together to dispatch them. Clarel finally saw the truth of our words and turned on the Magister, chasing him up a flight of stairs, heading towards the tallest tower of the fortress. We tore after her, hoping to bring Erimond in for judgement. We didn’t want him dead, he had valuable information we might be able to use against Corypheus.

We rounded the final corner to see Erimond throwing rapid succession fireballs at Clarel, all of which passed harmlessly over a barrier around her. Her magic crackled with her fury.

“You! You destroyed the Grey Wardens!” She lifted her staff and conjured a stonefist and slammed it into the Magisters chest. He hit the ground hard.

He laughed weakly as he tried to pull himself up, “You did that to yourself, you stupid bitch. All I did was dangle a little power before your eyes. And you couldn’t wait to get your hands bloody.”

Clarel roared with rage and set him flying with a powerful bolt of lightning. Erimond hit the fetal position, moaning in pain as the metal of his arm and leg guards sizzled with heat.

“You could have served a new god.”

Clarel towered over the fallen magister and spat, “I will never serve the Blight!”

The blighted dragon landed behind Clarel and snatched her up in its powerful jaws. It took off with her in its mouth and landed on the wall above them, shaking the Warden like a dog with a bone. It tossed her to the ground and stalked down the wall towards us, backing us against the end edge of the platform. Clarel was surprisingly still alive, although barely. As the dragon stalked over her helpless body, she charged storm magic in her hands, using her own blood to fuel the spell.

“In war, victory…In peace, vigilance…”

She blasted the dragon with her spell, sending it flying into the air and over our heads. The platform crumbled and shook under the strength of the dragon’s claws as it tried to scramble up the side. The ground beneath us gave way as we scrambled to run towards stable ground. Stone collapsed under my feet and I screamed. I was enveloped by a green light and everything went black.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is VERY heavy with in game dialogue.

When I came to, I was lying on the cold, hard ground staring up at a sickly green sky swirling with clouds. Off in the distance, I spotted a large black city with spires and towers not seen in the modern age. It was something far more advanced than any currently in Thedas. A memory tugged at the back of my mind, warning me of the danger of that city, but I couldn’t recall it clearly. It was obvious that it was a dangerous place, one I hoped I didn’t have to set foot in.

A figure knelt beside me, blocking my view of the eerie black city. The memory became clear and sharp. The Black City, the origin of the blights that swept across Thedas every century or so. I sat up, almost smashing foreheads with the person beside me. I looked over apologetically. Alistair was there, his face inches from mine. His eyes widened with the sudden proximity and scooted away, a blush burning brightly on his cheeks. I didn’t have time nor the brain power to contemplate why the famous Warden was blushing.

“Are you alright? You landed pretty hard.” He asked.

“I’m fine, just startled.” I looked around once more, this time focused on what was nearby and not in the far distance. Evie and Hawke stood of to my left while Solas and Blackwall were just coming to and were raising to their feet. I followed their lead and stood up. Solas was eyeing Alistair with a look I surely was misinterpreting. He had no reason to be upset with the Warden, did he?

“We were falling…” Hawke looked around, his eyes landing on the Black City, “If this is the afterlife, the Chantry owes me an apology. This looks nothing like the Maker’s bosom.”

Solas shook his head, “No, this is the Fade.” Silence fell over our small group as the information sunk in, “The Inquisitor opened a rift. We came through…and survived. I never thought I would ever find myself her physically…Look, the Black City, almost close enough to touch.” His voice was full of excitement and awe.

Evie shook her head, unable to comprehend the situation, “This must be very exciting for you, Solas. Any advice you have on exactly’s going on would be wonderful.”

Hawke spoke up, not giving Solas a change to respond. “This isn’t how I remember the Fade. Perhaps it’s because we are here physically, instead of just dreaming.” He turned to Evie, “The stories say you walked out of the Fade at Haven. Was it like this?”

She shook her head, “I don’t remember what it was like the last time I was here. Right now, I’m more concerned with getting out safely. What about you, Kana? You’ve been through the Fade before.”

Hawke, Blackwall and Alistair stared at me with mouths hanging open. We had kept my travel through the fade a secret. Nobody but those present when I fell out knew the truth. The rest of our companions, even our advisors were only told I was found injured on the roadside with no memories.

“I don’t remember either. I was badly injured and was unconscious for all of it.” I answered truthfully. I knew how I ended up in the fade, but not the actual journey through it. Hell, I had no idea how I came to be inside and elf. Perhaps the answers were ahead. I stepped up beside Evie and took her hand for comfort. “Maybe now we can get some answers.”

“That huge demon was right on the other side of that rift Erimond was using, and there could be others.” Hawke said.

“In the real world, the rift with the demons in it was nearby. In the main hall. Can we get out the same way?” Alistair asked, looking at Evie.

“It beats waiting around for demons to find us, right?” She answered.

We stayed close together and began walking towards the massive tear in the veil. The Fade was a terrifying place to walk through. The green sky made my stomach churn. The fade was a place of magic and endless possibilities, why did it look like an apocalyptic wasteland? I cold chill shot down my spine and I shivered. I pressed myself as close to Solas as was appropriate given our company. His hand sought my lower back and I leaned heavily into it. His touch settled my nerves. There was nobody I’d rather be stuck in the Fade with that Fen’Harel, master of the dreaming world.

He continued to gaze around at the jagged stones jutting out of the ground and the water that flew upwards instead of down. His blue eyes were wide with wonder, “This is fascinating. It is not the area I would have chosen, of course. But to physically walk within the Fade…” He sighed happily.

For the first time since our arrival, Blackwall spoke up, “Just don’t be distracted by your studies. This is a dangerous place.”

“Thank you for the warning,” Solas replied with sarcasm. If anybody knew the danger of this place, it was him. I told him with a glance to play nice and he smiled in return.

“Solas,” Evie spoke, “you’re the expert on this place. Anything helpful?”

He set aside his sarcasm and replied to Evie with his usual good-natured persona of a teacher. He was always happy to offer advice to those who looked for it, “The Fade is shaped by intent and emotion. Remain focused, and it will lead you where you wish to go. The demon that controls this area is extremely powers. Some variety of fear, I would guess. I suggest you remain wary of its manipulations and prepare for what is certain to be a fascinating experience.”

Not everybody shared his enthusiasm, myself included. The Fade scared me.

We walked through the wasteland of the fear demon’s domain fighting off small groups of lesser demons and spirits. It was strange channeling magic here in the fade. I drew upon the energies around me instead of using my mana stores. I’d lost my staff during the fall, but thankfully I was able to conjure my arcane blade for defense. I put Alistair’s sword training to use, slicing and hacking at the demons that attacked us.

We climbed a winding staircase and came to a screeching halt at the sight of the late Divine Justinia. She stood before us in her Chantry robes and ridiculous hat. She offered us a kind smile.

Alistair was the only one able to conjure words, for the rest of us were struck speechless.

“What? That can’t be…”

Her heavy accented voice chimed soft and powerful, “I greet you, Warden. And you, Champion.”

“Divine Justinia.” Evie spoke, disbelief evident in her voice, “What are you? A spirit? A demon? The real Divine couldn’t have survived Haven.”

“Couldn’t she? How much of Haven do you truly remember? You think my survival impossible, yet here you and her stand alive and in the Fade yourself.” She turned her warm blue eyes on me, “In truth, proving my existence either way would require more time we do not have.”

Hawke snorted, “Really? How hard is it to answer one question? I’m a human, and you are…”

“I am here to help you. You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Inquisitor.”

“The real Divine would have no way of knowing that I’d been made Inquisitor.”

“I know because I have examined memories like yours, stolen by the demon that serves Corypheus.” She looked off into the distance, her eyes lingering on the Black City, “It is the Nightmare you forget upon waking. It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon the terror. The false Calling that terrified the Wardens into making such a grave mistake? Its work.”

Alistair growled, “I’d like to have a few words with this Nightmare about that.”

“You will have your chance, brave Warden. This place of darkness is its lair.”

“Corypheus seems to have a lot of demons at his disposal. How does he command so many?” Evie asked.

The spirit shook her head, “I know not how he commands his army of demons. His power may stem from the blight itself. But the nightmare serves willingly, for Corypheus has brought much terror to this world. He was one of the magisters who unleashed the First Blight upon the world, was he not? Every child’s cry as the Archdemon circles, every dwarf’s whimper in the Deep Roads…the Nightmare has fed well.”

We all shared a similar look. _Well, shit._

“The big demon Erimond was trying to bring through?”

“Yes.”

Evie groaned, “It’s nearby?”

“Yes.”

“Well, shit.” She took the words right out of our mouths.

“When you entered the Fade at Haven, the demon took a part of you. Before you do anything else, you must recover it. Both of you.” Spirit Justinia looked at both Evie and myself. “These are your memories.” She pointed to a small gathering of green wraiths off to our right.

I paled visibly and backed away from the wraiths. I could feel my energy swirling inside their magical bodies, taunting me with their knowledge. I did not want these memories. They could very well ruin everything I built here.

Evie and no qualm about shredding the wraiths. She wanted her memories returned. Not knowing what happened at the Conclave had been eating her up since she woke up in the dungeons of Haven. I couldn’t stop her from her assault, neither could I stop the others who rushed to help. I stood alone, shaking my head in fear.

Divine Justinia stood beside me, offering me a kind look and a gentle touch. “Do not fear these memories, Child. Your friends will not so easily abandon you.”

“You don’t know that.”

She was unable to respond because we were bathed in green light and our minds were assaulted by a memory of the Conclave. My memory, not Evie’s.

_Screams echoed off the trees and the bluffs. The scent of blood and death burned my nostrils. Men and women scrambled to find shelter amongst the chaos. I stood in a circle of bodies a staff in hand, crackling with electricity. Grey Wardens surrounded me and the Divine. I tried to protect the human leader, but I was overwhelmed by the four warden mages. Wave after wave of magic barraged me until I screamed in agony. Only when my body went limp did they stop their onslaught. Stuck between here and the veil, I prayed to Mythal to protect me and all the innocents trying to escape the chaos._

_A creature—for I had no other words to describe him—materialized in the room. The four mages channeled their energy into the Divine, lifting her off the ground. Ropes of energy wrapped around her wrists like bonds, effectively holding her in place I was dying, that much I knew. I only wished there was something I could do to help the Divine._

_“Now is the hour of our victory.” The creature, so very much like an Arcane Horror, spoke._

_“Why are you doing this? You of all people?” The Divine asked the Wardens._

_“Keep the sacrifice still.” He held out an orb wreathed with green magic._

_“Someone help me!” She cried out, the magic of the orb was causing her pain. I struggled to find strength to help, but I was too weak._

_The large doors blew open and a human woman stepped through. She took in the situation with a trained eye. Her words pierced my ears clear as day, “What’s going on here?” She demanded._

_The Divine took the distraction and swatted an orb from the creature’s hand. It rolled towards me and the human. Whether the human meant to or not, she reached out and grabbed the orb before it rolled into my side. Green light exploded from the orb and everything went black._

The memory faded and we were back in the Fade. Disoriented, I looked around at my comrades to see they too had shared the vision.

Alistair was the first to recover. “So that mark on your hand…it wasn’t sent by Andraste. It came from the orb Corypheus was using.”

The Divine agreed, “Corypheus intended to rip open the Veil, use the Anchor to enter the Fade, and throw open the doors of the Black City. Not for the Old Gods, but for himself. When you disrupted his plan, the orb bestowed the Anchor upon you instead.

“Was that everything you wanted me to see?” Evie asked, casting her gaze over to where I stood.

“For the time being. You cannot escape the Nightmare until you regain all that it took from broth of you. You have recovered some of yourself, but now it knows you’re here. Make haste, I will prepare the way ahead.”

Justinia turned and walked up a pathway off to our left, leaving us all standing and staring at each other. Most of their eyes were on me, surprised to see me there at the heart of the destruction. I’d known all along, but the vision was more detailed than my memory; I actually heard what was spoken. If I was there when the Breach was created, how come I did not fall from the same rift that Evie did?

Hawke was the only one not looking at me, he was clenching his jaw and his hands were balled into fists.

“What’s wrong, Hawke?” Alistair asked his friend.

“I wondered if you might be concerned about the Grey Wardens holding the Divine in that vision. Their actions led to her death”

“I assumed Corypheus took their minds. You’ve seen it happen yourself. Come on. You can add it up to the things to yell at the Wardens about when we get out of here.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

He walked away with a growl vibrating in his chest. He was afraid and the fear of what he saw in the vision was warping into anger. The demon was already at work here and Hawke was unable to see it. We walked in peace up the pathway, expecting to see the Divine waiting for us, but she was gone without a trace. Our group dived into a debate about our Fade guide and whether or not it was truly her or a spirit that chose to take her shape. Nobody knew the truth, but all agreed that whatever she may be, she was at least offering us help.

As we continued, a deep, rumbling voice filled the Fade. My body reacted with fear, a primal instinct bred deep within my bones. This was the reason we feared the dark. This voice that grated every nerve and set my teeth on edge.

“Some foolish little girl comes to steal the fear I kindly lifted from his shoulders. You should have thanked me and left your fear where it lay, forgotten. You think that pain will make you stronger? What fool filled your mind with such drivel? The only one who grows stronger from your fear is me. But you are a guest in my home, so by all means, let me return what you have forgotten.”

“Cram it up your ass, Nightmare!” Evie shouted at the echoing voice.

“Perhaps I should be afraid, facing the most powerful members of the Inquisition.” The Nightmare laughed, it voice filled with malice. “Like Blackwall. Ah. There is nothing like a Grey Warden. And you are _nothing_ like a Grey Warden.”

“I’ll show you a Warden’s strength, beast.” Blackwall growled in response.

We fought through a horde of wraiths and rage demons that was blocking our path. Being able to draw on the raw power of the Fade around us, Solas and were weapons of mass destruction, raining down lighting and ice like nobody had seen before. It was exhilarating and did much to ease some of my fears. Perhaps Hawke had the right idea, channeling his fear into anger. Anger could be used as a weapon.

The Nightmare’s voice came once again this time in elven. His words weren’t for me, but for Solas. Thanks to Solas’s lessons, I was able to translate what was said. “Dirth ma, Harallen. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ena dar din.”

_Speak, rebel. You care nothing but victory. Your pride will be your death._

Solas remained calm, “Banal nadas.”

_Nothing is inevitable._

Nightmare taunted Hawke with one of his fears. The fear that nothing Merrill would die, just like the rest of his family. Hawke did well to ignore the taunt, using his anger and fear against our new enemies, giant monstrous spiders. I hated spiders more than any creature in the world. I would rather fight a high dragon that ever come that close to a spider that could eat me for breakfast. I couldn’t even stand the little harmless ones. I brought down bolts of lighting, frying the nasty creatures even though I wanted nothing more than to hide behind Solas and whimper like a frightened child.

I wasn’t the only one scared of the big, disgusting beasts. Hawke and Evie both looked pale after the fight was over. Blackwall had saw something different, but didn’t care to share what it was he thought we were fighting. Solas didn’t say either and none of us pressed.

“Kanani Lavellan, your fear is like ecstasy on my tongue. Living in fear of those around you will cost you everything. Your friends, your family. Oh, I forgot, you don’t have a family. Not anymore.” He laughed louder than before, causing me to flinch with the intensity.

Solas knew I was prone to anxiety attacks and fear and wrapped his left arm around my waist, pouring soothing warm magic through me. My fear reduced to a small smoldering thing, no longer the bonfire that threatened to consume me. I sighed in relief and glared up at the green sky and shouted at the demon.

“You’ll have to do better than that!”

The pathway opened up to a clearing cut out of the jagged rocks. Divine Justinia stood at the mouth of the clearing, motioning to a swarm of wraiths. A green barrier barred our path forward. The only way through it was to defeat the wraiths and regain our lost memories. This time I did not stand back in fear, but leapt into the fray with my arcane sword at the ready. I ducked and dodged their assaults, fade-stepping when I could not. Alistair’s training had paid off.

Evelyn reached out and touched the floating green energy left behind after the wraiths were defeated. A vision washed over us all.

_Evelyn woke in a daze, unsure what had happened. Her last memory was barging into the room with the Grey Wardens, the Divine and that…thing. An orb was thrown from the creatures hand by the Divine. It was obviously a magical weapon, one being used against the Most Holy. She could not let that roll away unchecked. She needed to keep it from his hands. The orb rolled towards a battered and broken elf. Her eyes were open, conscious of everything around her, but the damage to her body was extensive. Had she gotten here sooner, perhaps she could have saved the elf, too._

_The moment her hand palmed the orb, green magic erupted from it, pouring unchecked into the palm of her left hand. She screamed in pain, tried to drop the object, but couldn’t. As the pain reached its climax, magic exploded from the orb and she had lost consciousness._

_She looked around at her new surroundings, unsure where she was. Laying helplessly beside her was the same female elf from the conclave. Evelyn reached out and checked her pulse. She was still alive, although barely. Beside the elf was a human girl, no older than herself. She wore strange clothing, but looked as badly injured at the elf. Where did she come from?_

_The sound of too many feet on stone caught her attention. A half dozen spiders larger than a mabari scuttled towards her. She reached for her daggers, but they were missing. She needed to run, but she couldn’t leave two people behind. They didn’t deserve such a fate._

_The elf’s eyes fluttered open, “Go…leave us…”_

_“No! I will not leave you behind.”_

_The human’s eyes opened as well. She was visibly frightened, but couldn’t move. Her injuries were far too server. She locked eyes with Evelyn, recognition shined in her eyes. She tried to speak, but no words formed. The elf summoned the barest whispers of magic and managed to reach for the human’s hand._

_“There’s no time…run…I will…think of something…” The elf begged._

_Evelyn could feel magic wrapping around the human and elf and backed away. Their bodies faded into an icy fog and disappeared from sight. No longer able to help them, Evelyn turned and ran for the steep, broken stairwell that seemed to lead to the way out of the nightmare. The spiders gained on her with every step. She pushed her body beyond its limits, ignoring the white hot pain threatening her arm._

_Divine Justinia awaited me at the top of the stairs, her hand reached towards me, offering Evelyn a hand. She took the hand and scrambled to the flat surface. There was no time to catch her breath, she scrambled to her feet and ran towards the strange green portal. It was her way out, she knew it._

_The Divine screamed in pain and Evelyn turned around. One of the spiders had her by the ankle, threatening to pull her off the ledge. Soft blue eyes met pale green and Evelyn knew there was no saving her._

_“Go.” The divine ordered and Evelyn obeyed._

The vision faded and I stumbled backwards into Alistair. He reached out to steady me and I welcomed it. I didn’t trust my legs to hold me. I was there, _me_ not the elven me. Kana had taken my hand and fade-stepped with the last of her energy. Where did she go, how did we merge? I had more questions than answers and my mind reeled.

Evelyn approached me, tears in her eyes. “You were there…how did you survive?” She took my hands in hers and squeezed.

I shook my head, “I…I don’t know, but Evie, there is something you need to know. The human in the vision…That’s me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bwuahahahahaha! I'm horrible, aren't I?"


	21. Chapter 21

Solas approached, studying me with a scholar’s eyes. I looked away, unable to stand the thought of his rejection. His would hurt the worst. He pulled me gently away from Alistair’s grasp and cupped my face in his hands.

“Vhenan, is this true?”

I tried to look away, but I was unable to. No matter where I looked, he always captured my gaze. I gave up trying and felt my shoulders sag. “Yes. I don’t know what happened or how it happened, but somehow I ended up in her body.”

Alistair stepped up to my side, looking down at me in confusion. “This doesn’t make any sense. You’re clearly the elf from the vision, but you say you’re actually the human?”

“Yes.” I sobbed. “I didn’t know how to tell you guys. How could you believe me? So, I told you I couldn’t remember my past. Which was sort of true. I had no memories of Kana and her childhood, only a name.”

“We do not have time to deal with this.” Blackwall spoke up, “I know it is important, and we will have to discuss it later, but our first priority is to get out of this place.”

Evie glared at Blackwall, “That is very insensitive.”

“I do not mean to be, my lady, I only speak the truth.” He bowed his head in apology before facing me, “Forgive me, I mean no disrespect.”

“I know, Blackwall.”

Solas pulled my attention back to him. His magic poured through me, invisible to the rest, except perhaps Alistair who shifted his weight uncomfortably and placed his hand on the hilt of his sword. His magic, as it always was, was warm and inviting, never harmful. It touched every part of me, mind, body and soul, searching for answers. If anybody else had tried this I would have fought back, struggled against the invading magic, but I didn’t fear the Dread Wolf.

His magic receded and he shook his head, “You’ve always seemed different from everybody else. I could not put my finger on it, but I knew you were special.”

“What did you sense?” I asked.

“Deep in the furthest reaches of your soul, there is lingering magic. Evidence of a complicated spell long lost to time. No mage in this age should have the power to weave such magic.” He released his hold on my face and ran his fingers over one of my braids. “What was your name? Before all of this?”

I hesitated, afraid my birth name disappeared with the rest of my memories, but it came back. The name had a new meaning now and one that I did not recognize as my own. “Sara, but I prefer Kana. I am Sara no longer and haven’t been for a long time.”

Evie pulled me from Solas and wrapped me in a tight embrace. “Oh, sweetie, this is what the Nightmare was talking about.” Her gentle words caused my knees to finally buckle. She lowered me gently to the ground and continued to hold me and rock me until my tears slowed, “No matter what happened at the Conclave or our last trip here, you will always be my best friend and sister. Never doubt that.”

The air filled with malicious magic and Evelyn rose to her feet, drawing her daggers. Dozens of spiders rose from the abyss and advanced towards us. The Divine, who had been standing quietly through the whole ordeal shed her human skin and revealed her true from. The one of a spirit bathes in pale orange light.

“The nightmare has found us.” She spoke before vanishing as Cole did so many times at Skyhold.

I rose to my feet, my knees still shaking from my big reveal. Blackwall was right, now was not the time to be dealing with my messed up past and feelings. We needed to get out of here and back to Adamant where the Inquisitions forces would be looking for us. My arcane blade formed in my hands and I ran into combat alongside Evie. I sliced through a spider and spun around, barely dodging the fangs of another. I sent forth a burst of magic that enveloped the spiders surrounding me. Their movements slowed to a crawl. In an amazing feat of teamwork, Solas poured magic into my slow-time field, forcing all of the spiders to the center with a force that had their bodies snapping and breaking from the force. Hawke dove in, spinning his great sword in a deadly circle, cleaving them all in one blow.

We regrouped and decided without words that we should move on. The discussion of the visions would be discussed once we were safe and out of the Fade, probably once we were back in Skyhold. We pushed head, fighting out way through a series of strange creatures of varying shapes and sizes.

We sloshed through a pool of water, fighting what looked to be very large deepstalkers when the Nightmare’s voice echoed off the stone cliffs. “Do you think you can fight me? I am your every fear come to life. I am the veiled hand of Corypheus himself! The demon army you fear? I command it. They are bound all through me!”

Justinia’s voice rang through the air, “Ah, so if we banish you, we banish all the demons? Thank you, every fear come to life.” Nightmare growled in rage and fell silent.

We pushed onwards with a splinter of hope. If we took care of that demon, the Warden mages would be freed from the mind control and their demon puppets would disperse. We came to a split in the path. There was no land markers or signs that told us, “Nightmare demon this way.” We ended up deciding on the right path instead of taking the stairs upwards.

We faced more spiders and even a handful of demons of varying types; shades, terrors and despair. We all stopped and stared at what the demons were guarding. A small cemetery with the names of us and our friends back in Adamant written on them with our greatest fears listed after our name. It was bone chilling seeing a tombstone with my name on it. Kanani: Being Alone. Very similar to Solas’s whose was beside hers. Dying alone, his said. I reached out and took his hand for my comfort as well as his own. Nobody could stare at their graves and not be unsettled.

We left the graveyard with hardened hearts and made our way to the final barrier where the Nightmare awaited us. He was a huge, hulking beast that resembled a misshapen spider that stood taller than a dragon. Beside it, a smaller demon, but none the less terrifying with its power. The spirit of Justinia appeared before us, rising up to meet the beast. In a beautiful show of light and power, the spirit expended its life force and pushed the hulking beast back, leaving us to deal with the smaller demon.

It was the hardest fight of my life. The demon always knew where we would be and without my staff, my ability to channel my storm magic was diminished slightly. The raw power of the fade made up for my lack of power, but did nothing for my accuracy. After almost striking Hawke, I gave up casting storm and summoned my spectral blade and charged in with the warriors. Solas’s impenetrable barrier sprung up tightly around my skin, more powerful than he’d ever cast before.

The nightmare demon roared in anger, summoning a horde of spiders to fight alongside it. The battle dragged on and all of us were feeling the effects of the constant battles with little to no rest between. Evie was flung from the demon with a swipe of its clawed hand, barreling into Blackwall. They both crashed into a stalagmite and didn’t get up. Alistair took up Blackwall’s positon and tried to taunt the demon into focusing on him while Solas and I worked on whittling down its energy.

Five spiders fanned out around Solas, trapped him against a large rock. He swiped his staff, scattering them backwards, away from the blow. An explosion if ice erupted from the barrier he had erected around himself as one of the demon spiders lunged at him, knocking him to the ground.

“Solas!”

I threw myself into a fade step, forcing my spectral body through the spiders, freezing them in place. With a slice of my blade, they shattered into hundreds of pieces. Solas rose to his feet, giving me a thankful smile. He turned towards Blackwall and Evie. They still weren’t moving and the remaining spiders were closing in on them.

It was time to show Solas just how far my Arcane Warrior training had come. I pulled as much magic from the Fade around me as my body could hold. I shaped and molded it into a force of my own and sent it spilling out across the battlefield. The healing magic sought out my injured and weary comrades and they gasped with the rush of power that flowed through their veins. The magic lingered in the air, continuing to pump rejuvenating magic into their bodies.

Solas decided to show off as well. He raised his staff over his head, drawing upon the energies around us. Small flaming boulders fell from the sky, crushing all of the spiders. Once they were destroyed, he focused the meteors on the Nightmare. Solas was the epitome of concentration and accuracy. None of the meteors ever came close to injuring our allies.

The Nightmare screamed as its body disintegrated. Seeing our escape just ahead, we rushed towards it. It was the tear in the veil back in the courtyard of Adamant. We could see demons fighting Grey Wardens and Inquisition soldiers alike.

Solas, Blackwall and I reached the tear before the others. They dove through the rift, but I stopped and turned to see the progress of the others when the large hulking beast returned, cutting off their retreat. A memory, one my own, tore its way to the surface of my mind, staggering me.

_No, not this!_ I screamed inside my own mind as I watched Alistair and Hawke argue. I couldn’t hear them, but I knew what was being said. One of them would act as a distraction while we made our escape. It was a death sentence. Evie looked frantically between them and up at us. She turned towards Hawke and a tear fell down her cheek. The warrior nodded his head and patted Alistair on the back. With a bellow, the warrior charged the beast.

Alistair and Evie ran towards me and motioned for me to go. I couldn’t force my legs to move. I didn’t want to leave Hawke here to die alone. It wasn’t fair! Alistair grabbed my arm and dragged me through the rift.

We landed in the courtyard in a tangle of limbs. We rolled off the edge of the fountain and onto the stone below. My elbow landed painfully in Alistair’s ribs. I heard something pop and knew I’d broken at least one of them, despite his chainmail armor. I scrambled off him and helped him to his feet. He cringed in pain.

Solas rushed over to me and gave me a cursory check with his eyes, scanning me for injuries. Finding none, he placed his hand on my lower back and looked towards Evie.

Evie rose to her feet, her hand growing with the power of the fade. Her face was as dark and angry as I’ve ever seen it. She clenched her fist and the tear in the veil slammed shut and the demons exploded into bit of magic, knocking back the soldiers with the force of it. The Inquisition soldiers looked to Evie as their savior and cheered.

Alistair walked forward, clutching his newly broken ribs, “No demon army for Corypheus, it appears. The Divine—or her spirit—was right. You know that’s not how they see it, though. They just saw their Inquisitor work another miracle.”

Evie still looked upset and haunted. Her choice to leave one of them behind was haunting her. “They came out of this alive. As far as I’m concerned, they can tell whatever stories they like.”

Alistair tried to lighten the mood, “I suppose, ‘The Inquisitor and her Warden friend escaped by the skin of their teeth’ wouldn’t be as good for morale.”

One of the Inquisition soldiers rushed forward, “Inquisitor! The Archdemon flew off as soon as you disappeared. The Venatori magister is unconscious but alive. Cullen though you might wish to deal with him yourself. As for the Wardens, those who weren’t corrupted helped us fight the demons.”

A Grey Warden warrior in full plate mail, winged-helmet included, stepped forward and crossed his fist over his heart, “We stand ready to make up for Clare’s…tragic mistake.”

The soldier scanned those who fell from the rift, “We’ve seen no sign of Hawke since the ledge collapsed, Inquisitor.” All of us who traveled through the fade looked down in sorrow, “We assumed he was with you.”

“Hawke sacrificed her life to save us and strike a decisive blow against Corypheus. She gave her life not because she’s sworn and oath or been marked as special, but because someone had to do it.” 

Merrill, who was standing quietly behind a group of Inquisition soldiers fell to her knees and let out a keening wail that broke my heart. The heart breaking sound of her cries brought my own tears to surface and I turned and hugged Solas. I buried my face in the soft fabric of his robes and cried. I hadn’t known Hawke as well as I would have liked, but between the loss of the Champion of Kirkwall and the stresses of the Fade, I was emotionally spent. Solas wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

The Grey Warden warrior turned to Alistair, “Alistair, you are the senior surviving Grey Warden. What do we do now?”

Alistair looked to Evie for direction. He wasn’t sure what to say, and this transgression against the Inquisition and the world was well past his ability to decide. Evie stood tall and proud and gazed out over all the lingering Wardens.

“You stay and do whatever you can to help. Alistair believed that the Wardens are worth saving…and I trust him. You’re still vulnerable to Corypheus, and possibly his Venatori, but there are plenty of demons that need killing.”

Solas gripped me tightly and grunted with displeasure. He was not happy with the decision to allow the Wardens to stay. Sure, they were vulnerable, but they weren’t all to blame for the mistakes and actions of their leaders. I stayed quiet against him.

Alistair let out a “Thank the maker under his breath.” Before addressing Evie, “While they do that, I’ll report to the Wardens at Weisshaupt. Corypheus won’t catch us with our trousers down again.” The crowd began to clear. Our Warden friend offered our Inquisitor a smile, “You’ve already created something big with the Inquisition. I wish you luck with it.”

Evie remained strong until everybody outside the inner circle was gone. Once we were alone, she collapsed in a puddle of tears and curses. I left Solas’s side then to offer my friend and sister much needed support. Merrill made her way over to us and began muttering in broken Elven, asking what happened and how Hawke died. It was too soon to relive that nightmare, so we pulled her into our hug and cried until our bodies were unable to produce another tear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got rid of the argument between Alistair and Hawke because I felt it was very out of character for Hawke to do something so dumb as try to start a fight in the middle of a crisis.


	22. Chapter 22

I fiddled in the Great Hall just outside the entrance to the rotunda. I hadn’t been along with him since before our journey to Adamant and I was a nervous wreck. He knew the truth, my big secret. He said it was a product of an ancient spell, long lost to time. That had me worried. I had no memory of a spell being performed to join Kana and myself. Had the memory been wiped, or was it still buried deep within my mind? I wasn’t sure it was a memory I wanted back. Whoever was powerful enough to cast such a spell would be frightening indeed.

When I finally gathered the courage to step inside, I found him and Evie arguing quietly about the outcome of Adamant. I paused in the doorway. I did not want to interrupt, or worse, be forced to pick a side. Solas was sitting at his desk with papers written in ancient elvhen scattered about and Evie stood across from him with her arms across her chest shaking her head in disagreement.

Solas didn’t feel comfortable having the Grey Wardens as our allies. He feared their weakness to Corypheus and swore they would turn against us. Evie disagreed. She knew they had a weakness to the Elder One, but since they knew what to look for now, it would be easier to spot those who may have fallen victim. Not to mention the Nightmare was gone and with it, the Wardens were no longer suffering from the false Calling.

Evie sighed heavily and walked towards the door I was loitering in. She hadn’t seen me standing there and jumped with surprise. She smashed it down quickly and gave me a look that told me she was really close to losing her temper.

“Perhaps you can talk sense into him,” She mumbled as she passed by.

I stepped inside the rotunda not surprised to see Solas was already working on an addition to the beautiful fresco. I wished I had some artistic talent. To be able to leave a mark on the world this beautiful was a rare and amazing gift. Solas was truly one of a kind.  I sat on the corner of his desk and began absently tracing the stone fragment that always resided there. It gave off an eerie magic and made my skin tingle when I touched it.

“What brings you here, Vhenan? You look troubled.” Solas observed.

I placed my hands in my lap and gathered what little courage I had. “We never had a chance to talk about what happened in the Fade.”

“Things have been, chaotic at best.” He looked up and narrowed his eyes in frustration. I followed his gaze and spotted Dorian peering over the railing of the library above. The Tevinter smiled brightly and waved. I returned the greeting with equal cheer. I adored Dorian, but I could see why Solas was irritated. It was difficult to have a private conversation with the library and the rookery above us. “Perhaps this conversation is best left for later.”

My shoulder sagged. I didn’t know if I would have the courage later. It took all of this morning and much of the afternoon to gather enough to even walk in here. I hopped off the desk and forced myself to smile. “Later then.”

Solas grabbed my wrist gently. I stopped moving, but didn’t turn back to look at him. “Hamin, ma vhenan.” I stayed silent, but some of my tension dissipated. Satisfied with that, he released me.

I waited in places I knew to be private, hoping Solas would seek me out, but he never did. He was either absorbed in the papers at his desk or his fresco. I didn’t fault him for either, I knew they were both important to him. Several hours after the sun went down, I gave up lingering and went to bed.

For the first time since coming to Thedas, I dreamed of home. The fade around me took shape of my parent’s farm house. The corn fields surrounding the six acres of land were roughly knee high, which meant it was roughly July. The farmers were always talking about how the corn needed to be knee-high by July. It was a cute little saying, one I always enjoyed as a child. The farmhouse was a single story with a full-sized furnished basement. It sat happily at a top of a slope with a small three-sided barn where a rather plump grey mare gnawed at bale of hay.  She wasn’t the only animal on our six acres. Scattered across the land were a dozen hens, a rather grumpy rooster and an American Bulldog puppy.

Seeing the puppy brought a smile to my face. Chance was his name, named after a dog in my favorite movie; Homeward Bound.

A child of ten years came flying out the back door of the house in a bright yellow dress. Her hair was a frothing mass of waves and ribbons that had lost the battle of holding it all together. The puppy barked with excitement and chased after the girl. She squealed in delight and ran in large circles until she tripped over a stick and face planted. Instead of crying, she rolled on her back and braced herself for the incoming puppy missile that was aimed at her chest. The dog licked her face furiously and wiggled so fast it was almost a blur.

“You seem happy here.”

I turned towards Solas, not surprised that he was here, “I am.”

He stood beside me, watching the child and the puppy play. “This is you?”

I smiled, “Yes. I haven’t dreamed about home in a long time.”

“Do you miss it?”

I shook my head, “No. This memory is the last good one I have. My parents died shortly after in a fire. I had been sleeping in a tent down at the base of the slope with the dog.” Memories that had grown hazy, cleared enough that I felt I needed to share them before they slipped away forever. Solas stood beside me silently, absorbing everything. “After they died, I was put in an orphanage. I bounced between families looking to adopt a child, but none of them wanted me. I lived with a half-dozen families before one finally took me in permanently.” I shuddered at the thought of them. “After my adoption, they found out they were pregnant. She was told by the healers that she would never conceive, which is why they took me in. Once the baby was born, they treated me like a burden. They made sure I knew their daughter was better looking, smarter and better than I would ever be. The day I turned eighteen, I left and never looked back.”

“What did you do to support yourself?” Solas asked. His face was a mask of neutrality, but I could see storm clouds brewing in his eyes.

“I took up employment at a local shop selling produce. It wasn’t much, but it kept a roof over my head and food on my table. Even on my own, I didn’t fit in. My self-esteem was so abused, I flinched at every critique and passing glance. I didn’t know how to make friends. I wanted them badly. I was always so alone.”

I waved my hand, sending out a gentle wave of magic. The scenery changed. We were still standing on the land of my parents, only it was a decade later. The house and barn was gone, covered over by landscapers. The summer fields were barren and a thin layer of snow covered the grass. Standing where the house once stood was a woman dressed in a pair of jeans and a brown leather jacket. Her hair, thick and wavy, hung loose around her shoulders in a poofy mass. She placed a small bouquet of flowers on the ground and turned to look where the barn once stood.

Solas froze the dream and approached the woman—me. He was still taller than my human self, but not by much. He pushed her hair off her shoulder and ran his fingers over the rounded ears. It was strange seeing myself. I’d all but forgotten what I looked like, but my subconscious remembered perfectly. My eyes were pale green with a ring of gold around the iris. My skin was pale and I had a display of freckles across the bridge of my nose.

“There is nothing wrong with the way you look.” Solas turned to look at me. “You have the same exquisite eyes that the Inquisitor has.”

I smiled, “I never thought they were anything special, not until I met Evie. On her face, they are striking. Cat-like.” I moved behind Solas and placed my hand on his back, “Now that you’ve seen the truth, do you see me any differently? I’m not the Elf you thought I was.”

He turned around and palmed my cheek, “You are so much more than I thought. You are you, no matter the origin of your birth. And you are elven, even if it’s only part of you. You have memories of the Dalish, do you not? You are two unique souls joined in harmony inside a single body.”

“I’m not sure about harmony.” I said wistfully, “That night I called to you here in the Fade? When you saved me from the flood of memories? With every memory I gained of the Dalish, I lost a memory of here. I was terrified that I was losing myself.”

“Your souls are still learning to cohabitate. It’s not always an easy process, but it will smooth out over time. I have seen this before, you are not the first joined souls I have met in my time. It was rare, even then, but not unheard of. It requires a great deal of magic, beyond any mage of this age.”

“Is it possible that you are not the only ancient Elven roaming Thedas?”

“It is a possibility.”

I stepped around Solas and looked up at my human self. “It is unnerving seeing myself like this. I’ve grown so accustomed to my elven appearance that this looks like a stranger. Perhaps she is. I am no longer that shy, fearful woman. I am surrounded by friends and family and I have you.”

Solas dispelled the dream and conjured up a lush green forest. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and placed his chin on top of my head. “That you do, Vhenan.”

I leaned into him, “Ar lath ma, Fen’Harel.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Elven translation!   
> Hamin, ma vhenan: Relax, my heart  
> Ar lath ma: I love you.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give a shout out to everybody who has left me comments and kudos. I appreciate them all and they keep my muse very happy and well fed!

Josephine was excited to announce the Inquisitor and her inner circle had been invited to the Winter Palace for a grand ball that would also play host to peace talks between Gaspard and Empress Celene. We had three weeks to prepare our outfits and political strategies. Luckily, only Evie would be in the main spotlight. She was born and raised a noble and with her silver tongue, she could rival our spymaster in the Great Game.

A small horde of seamstresses hurried to and fro with young men scurrying behind them carrying heavy bolts of fabric. They hand their hands full trying to outfit us and the advisors. I’d purposefully been avoided them because I was in no hurry to see what gaudy outfit they would try to squeeze me in. I saw Orlesian fashion and it was horrendous at best. My luck ran out eventually, and one caught me as I was exiting the newly upgraded Mage’s Tower.

The woman grabbed my wrist none too gently and dragged me into Josephine’s office. The seamstress pulled out a long measuring tape and began rattling off numbers while her assistant wrote them down. They both scrunched their faces in distaste when she read off my breast and hip measurements.

“We will need to add padding to give her more lift and an extra wide hoop skirt to give her the illusion of curves.”

I scowled at the human. I’d had enough of people judging my appearance as a human, I was not about to roll over at take it here. “Are you unsatisfied with my appearance?”

She clicked her tongue distastefully, “I have nothing against you elves, but you are just so thin. It will be a challenge making an Orlesian dress that will flatter your figure.”

“Why must I wear an Orlesian dress? I am Dalish. Perhaps I should wear something to flaunter my heritage?”

She seamstress couldn’t have looked more scandalized. “We must dress in current Orlesian fashion or the Inquisition will be looked down upon.”

I did not hide my irritation. “I don’t give a bronto’s ass what Orlais thinks of us. We are here to stop the world from falling apart, not to gain fashion approval.”

“Lady Lavellan,” Josephine rose from her desk and approached cautiously, “Perhaps we can come to an agreement. I see no harm in allowing you to wear something of Elven origins as long as it is appropriate to the occasion.”

The seamstress baulked at the idea but kept her mouth firmly closed. I smiled and bowed my head in thanks. “If you would give me but a few moments to see if I can come up with an acceptable pattern.” I didn’t wait around for dismissal. I turned and rushed towards the rotunda.

Solas was sitting cross-legged on the scaffolding working on his fresco. He heard my noisy entrance and glanced down at me. Taking note of my urgency, he climbed down and approached me. “What can I do for you, Vhenan?”

“The seamstress is trying to dress me in a gaudy Orlesian dress and it will be awful. She wants to add padding to give me the illusion of human curves. I’m a fucking elf and I want to look like one, not like a doll they dressed up.”

“Amen, sister!” Dorian applauded as he entered the rotunda. Judging by the books under his arms, he was on his way up to the library where he spent most of his time. “You would look dastardly in their fashion.”

Solas smirked, but said nothing. He apparently agreed with Dorian. “And you are here to ask me for fashion advice?”

“Yes! You’ve seen wondrous things in the Fade. Perhaps you’ve seen how our people dressed before the Fall. You are a talented artist and I trust you over some crazy human seamstress to draw up something flattering.”

Dorian laughed, “You are amazingly blunt this afternoon. You should swing by the herald’s Rest later, we are gathering the crew for a night of Wicked Grace. You are welcome to join us as well, Solas.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I have business that requires my attention.” Solas replied.

Dorian shrugged and looked at me pointedly. I glanced at Solas and back at the Tevinter. I hadn’t spent as much time with him as I left I should. He was a good man, and probably an even better friend. “I’ll see you there.”

“That’s my girl.” Dorian flashed me an award winning smile and headed up to the library.

With him out of the room, Solas approached his desk and pulled a piece of parchment out from underneath a very large stack of papers. He offered it to me. I took the thick parchment and my jaw dropped open. It was a very detailed, colored drawing of me in a beautiful blue dress that matched the color of my eyes. It was simple and elegant; the exact look I wanted. The only embellishments were the silver belt that cinched just under the breasts and the silver links that acted as thin straps over my shoulders. My hair in the drawing was loose across my shoulders in large curls. The only thing missing was my Vallaslin.

“It’s beautiful.” I couldn’t tear my eyes from it. The woman on the parchment was definitely me, but far more beautiful that I saw in the mirror.

“You are beautiful, Vhenan. Never doubt that.” He stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I drew this the morning after our shared dream. I wanted to show you how the world—how I—see you.”

“My Vallaslin is missing.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“That, my dear, is a discussion for another time. Take this and show it to your seamstress. I believe this will please her.”

Careful of the painting, I hugged and kissed him on the lips enthusiastically. Dorian gave us a cat-call, letting us know he’d been spying on our little exchanged. I shook my head and chuckled. He was incorrigible.

Much to my surprise, Solas followed me back to Josephine’s office. I handed the parchment to Josie instead of the seamstress. It was our Ambassador’s opinion I cared about, not hers. Her eyes widened and her mouth hung open. She looked up at me and back down at the drawing.

“This is beautiful. Solas, is this your work?” She asked.

Solas looked at Josie with confidence and an air of authority that gave no room for debate. “It is. I believe it will be more than efficient for the Winter Palace.”

“You are correct.” She offered the drawing to the seamstress, “Maud, Lady Lavellan will be wearing this to the ball.”

Maud glanced at the drawing and over at me. “This will suit her body better, but I must disagree with this decision. She will stand out amongst the nobles.”

“Other members of the inner circle are wearing outfits reflecting their homeland. Ser Pavus being one of them. Surely you have not harassed them about their choice of dress.” Solas leveled Maud with a deadly look. “Or is it perhaps that she is an elf?”

I wasn’t aware others had been allowed to choose their own attire. I seethed at not being given the option up front. It would explain however why Josie hadn’t seen the problem with me choosing my own design. I was furious.

Josephine brought her hand to her mouth to cover a quiet gasp, “Surely not! The Inquisition treats every man woman and child with equality, regardless of race or religious beliefs.”

Maud drew herself to her full height and met Josephine’s eyes, “Be that as it may, Ambassador, in Orlais, elves third class, servants at best. Seeing another of _their_ kind in such a high standing and well respected position will cause chaos.”

The distaste her voice made me snatch the drawing from her hands. It was made very clear that she saw elves as lesser. She hid it well while she was measuring, but her mask was cracked. I wasn’t the only one who noticed it either. Solas had his hands clenched in fists and his eyes were narrowed dangerously.

I squared my shoulders and drew on every shred of confidence I could muster. “If that is how you feel, Maud, you are here by dismissed. The Inquisition will not be needing your services.”

“You do not have the authority to…”

“Oh, but she does.” Josephine smirked.

Maud glared daggers at me and Solas then stormed out of the office, muttering profanities under her breath. Knife-ear being the nicest thing she said. She slammed the door behind her hard enough that she shook the paintings on the walls. One of them fell off its nail and crashed to the floor.

Commander Cullen, Leliana and Evelyn came rushing out of the war room with blades visible in their hands. The sight of them made me laugh. Evie gave me a questioning look.

“I’ll explain it over Wicked Grace later, but you may need to hire a new seamstress. I think I just fired Maud.”

* * *

 

A large handful of the Inner circle sat around the largest table found in the tavern. We had full mugs and plenty of sweet rolls and cookies to get us through the evening. The only thing missing was Evie. Varric took off several minutes ago to hunt her down. We were getting ready to start without her when Varric walked in with Evie in tow.

“I found her. Ruffles, deal her in!” Varric cheered.

Cullen raised his mug and we all gave cheer. It wouldn’t have been the same playing without her. Not to mention, she’d probably be upset that she missed Cullen taking a night off. Evie flagged down Cabot and ordered her usual. Varric sat beside Josie while Evie took the empty chair next to the Commander.

Josie smiled and laughed as she looked at her cards. “I do hope I recall the rules. It’s been ages since I’ve played a game of Wicked Grace.”

“Are we playing cards or what?” Bull asked as everybody quietly chattered amongst themselves.

The cards were dealt and I realized I wasn’t exactly sure how to play. From what I’d seen of other playing, it was a lot like poker, only with different face cards. I hoped it was enough to get me by. I did not fancy losing all my allotted coin or my clothing.

Cassandra looked down at her cards, clearly confused. If there was anybody I stood a chance against winning against, it would be her. “Are three drakes better than a pair of swords? I can never remember.” She snorted in frustration.

Everybody laughed, but Varric shook his head, “Seeker, remember how I said, ‘Don’t show your hand?’ That rule applies announcing it to the table.”

“There’s a crown on his head, but a sword, too. His head didn’t want either.” Cole said in wonder. I smiled at the spirit, glad he had joined us, even if he didn’t understand the rules.

“Don’t talk to the face cards, kid.” Varric laughed.

Cullen squirmed on his stool uncomfortably. He wasn’t used to leisurely down time. He probably kept himself busy to keep his mind off the lyrium withdrawals. Evie told me they were bad at times. I reminded myself I should speak to him to see if healing magic would lessen the symptoms any. At the very least, it wouldn’t hurt anything.

“You seem to have enough people. I have a thousand things to do.”

“No you don’t, Commander.” Dorian scolded, “Losing money can be both relaxing and habit forming. Give it a try.”

Varric agreed, “Curly, if any man in history ever needed a hobby, it’s you.”

Evie turned on her pouting face and Cullen’s resolve melted into a puddle of goo on the floor. He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “Fine. You win.”

And so the betting began. Josephine was a wicked woman with the best poker face in the history of gambling. Soon enough everybody was three sheets to the wind and telling stories. Cullen, bless his heart, finally opened up and treated us with a story about a poor templar recruit.

“The poor recruit tan out into the dining hall in nothing but his knickers. And this…profound silence fell over the hall as seventy mages and thirty templars all turned to stare at once. Then a slow round of applause began. And spread until every soul was on their feet. A standing ovation.”

The normally well composed Ambassador snorted with laughter, “What did he do?”

“Saluted. Turned on his heel. And marched out like he was in full armor.”

Everybody at the table roared with laughter.

Emboldened by the alcohol, I leaned forward, “I’ve got one for you. The clan decided to camp near this ruined fortress. Right on the edge of Tirashan. Dark as the bottom of a well. The keeper swore up and down it was safe, but some of the hunters started hearing noises in the middle of the night.” I grinned as I caught their attention.

I delved into a newly emerged memory of a group of teenagers from the nearby village having sex in the ruins. They weren’t quiet about it either, having scared off a whole nest of rabbits and nugs that lived inside. The hunters were frightened by the sounds, thinking there was either undead or a host of demons inside. Of course, when it came to spirits and demons, the hunters were out of their element. They woke me up and sent me in to investigate instead.

“Being a mischievous teenager myself, I took it upon myself to have a little bit of fun with the humans. I conjured up mage light and sent it into the room, making all sorts of wailing noises. It worked like a dream. They ran out of there, fast as you think, bare arses shining in the moonlight. The whole way back to their village.”

“Not bad! You don’t mind if I steal that one, do you?” Varric asked.

“Well done!” Dorian cheered.

I smiled proudly, and gave Varric permission to use my tale.

Josie giggled and feigned surprise as she won another round of cards. That woman was fastly becoming the richest person in the bar. I was down to my last few coppers. I glanced at everybody else’s pile. I wasn’t the only one.

“Deal again. I’ve figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador!” Cullen demanded with an arrogant smile.

“Commander! Everybody knows a lady has no tells.”

“Then let’s see if your good fortune lasts one more hand.”

“Me too. I want a chance to win my dignity back. Deal me in!” I said, chugging the last of my ale.

By the end of the round, Cullen and I were fresh out of coppers, but still wanted to win. Varric smirked and gave us a set of rules that applied when playing back in Kirkwall with his friend Isabella. When out of coin, personal belongings worked just as well, as long as they were belongings on you at the time of the bet.

Cullen and I glanced at each other, debating whether or not to risk our clothing. We hadn’t brought anything else. Well, he had his sword. Evie kicked back in her chair and watched smugly, like she knew the outcome of this dangerous bet.

Cullen studied Josie for a minute before boldly declaring he was all in. Several pairs of wide eyes stared at him, wondering if he understood the meaning of his words. He smiled confidently. Apparently he did. I shook my head. There was no way I was matching that bet. I didn’t fancy walking out of here naked as a jaybird. I folded.

The table was in an uproar when it came time to reveal their cards. Josie had Cullen beat, but only barely. She held her hand out expectantly, eying the Commanders shiny heavy armor. Cullen pouted and tried to turn and run, but Evie and Varric grabbed him, one on each arm and held him down. Eventually, they managed to get him out of his armor and clothing. He was definitely a sight to behold, and if neither of us were taken, I would have eyed him a little more closely.

“Never bet against an Antivan, Commander.” Josie smiled.

Cassandra pushed her chair back and stood up, a bit wobbly, I might add. “I’m leaving. I don’t want to watch our commander’s walk of shame back to the barracks.”

“I do!” Dorian cheered.

Cole was staring at Cullen, amazement written all over his face, “It comes off. I didn’t know it came off…”

As if on cue, all but Dorian and Evie stood up and walked away, granting Cullen a small bit of privacy for his trip to his quarters. Dorian stopped me at the entrance to the Great Hall.

“I’m glad you could make it tonight. You should come out with us more often. Seeing Bull, Varric and Sera everyday gets kind of old. A new face would certainly liven things up a bit!”

I laughed. “You know, perhaps I will.”

“Good girl.”

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the delay. I struggled with this chapter so bad I rewrote it at least six times before I said to hell with it. 
> 
> On a happier note: Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! And to everybody else, Have a beautiful and fun filled day and know, I am eating enough pumpkin pie and turkey for all of you!

Despite the underlying tension and murderous intent, the Winter Palace was a beautiful place. We arrived the night before the ball to scout out the area and get our foot in the gossip door. Leliana and Josephine went to work right away. The rest of us fussed over last minute touches to our outfits. I had nothing to fuss about. My dress was perfect in every way.

It was cut in a similar fashion to ancient Greek style dresses, but with more fullness in the skirts and a silverite belt that cinched just under by breasts. It was made from silk brocade that was woven to resemble chiffon. I had been curious to what kind of shoes would be appropriate for my dress, but Solas was ahead of me. He offered me a small box upon arriving at the Chateau. Inside was silver fabric to wrap my feet and a silverite necklace that would hang perfectly between my breasts. Hanging from the chain was an ivory wolf with its head drawn back in howl.

I stared at the offered necklace in shock. It was beautiful and far more than I deserved.

“Do you like it?” He asked with a hint of hesitation in his voice. My broody elf was many things, but rarely hesitant. I looked up from the necklace letting him see the moisture gathering in my eyes.

“It is the most beautiful thing anybody has ever given me.” I gripped the ivory wolf tightly, “It’s handmade, isn’t it?”

“It is. Here, allow me.” He held his hand out for the necklace. He stepped behind me and I pulled my hair off my shoulders so he could put it on without it getting tangled. When it was firmly clasped, he turned me around to face him. “It suits you.”

“Ma serannas.”

“You should ready yourself, Leliana will be by shortly to escort you to the hair salon.” He kissed my cheek and stepped out of the room so I could get changed.

The dress was simple enough that I didn’t need help getting in it. I had barely finished wrapping my feet when Evie and Leliana walked it without knocking. They both stopped and stared at me when I stood up. They both looked good considering I disliked Orlesian fashion. Evie was dressed in a rich olive green while Leliana chose a soft yellow that made her blue eyes stand out.

“Damn, girl. You look beautiful!” Evie walked around me, checking me out from all angles. She let out a low whistle. “We are going to be beating men off of you with sticks.”

I blushed, “I highly doubt that. I am an elf remember?”

Leliana smiled, “That will not matter, my dear. You look stunning, more so than I could ever have dreamed. Solas did a fantastic job designing your dress.”

“Understatement of the age, Leliana. Let’s get our hair done and cause a few men to drool. Shall we?” She offered me the crook of her arm. I linked my arm threw it and we walked together towards the salon.

The salon was owned by a rich noble, whose name I forgot the moment they told me, but run by a handful of elven servants. They were beyond surprised when I walked in. They’d probably never seen an elf walk through the doors as anybody other than a servant. It was obvious by my state of address, that I was not a servant. They recognized Evie immediately and rushed to work. Josephine was already seated and having her long thick locks braided and wrapped in an intricate design at the base of her neck. Leliana sat beside her, motioning for Evie and me to find seats.

One of the stylists approached me, eyeing my dress and necklace with wonder. It took her a few tries, but she finally found her voice, “You look stunning.”

“Thank you.”

She stepped off to my side and began running her fingers through my hair. “How would you like it styled?”

“I’d like to keep it down, but is it possible for it to be curled?” I asked, thinking back on the painting Solas gave me.

“Yes, of course.” She ran a brush through my hair before going and getting the curling tongs. I’d never seen how people curl hair without a curling iron before. The tongs she brought back looked a lot like a modern day curling iron without the cord. To give the tongs heat, there was a fire sigil etched into the handle. Who needed modern technology when you had magic?

She worked in complete silence. I was used to stylists striking up living room conversations to help ease the tension and make time pass quicker. It was different here. Nobles wouldn’t want to hear what a servant had to say, it would frowned upon. What could they possibly have to say that would intrigue them? I almost snorted at the thought. If she wasn’t going to speak, I was.

“What is your name?”

She pulled the tongs from my hair and looked at me, shocked. “It’s Ayla, Ma’am.”

“Well, Ayla, my name is Kana Lavellan.”

And so began my task of opening up Ms. Ayla. It took a little encouraging, but she opened up. My companions were looking over at us, baffled by our conversation. As I expected, it was traditional to sit in silence. People in Orlais needed to take a chill pill and relax. Talking with the person doing your hair could be therapeutic. It had been for me.

Ayla did a fantastic job with my hair. It hung in a halo of golden curls. Evie gave me an encouraging smile and wiggled her eye brows suggestively. As Josephine when to the front to pay for our trip, I pulled a couple of silver coins out of one of the hidden pockets of my dress. Having extra folds and fullness allowed the seamstress to add a few in case I needed them.

I motioned for Ayla to give me her hands. I placed the silver coins in the palms of her hands and closed her fingers over them. “You did a wonderful job, thank you.”

Her eyes widened. “I cannot accept this!”

“Yes. You can.” I met her eyes, “You deserve more than this place pays you. Buy something for your little boy. And if you ever decide you want more from life than this salon, come to Skyhold. All are welcome; elves, dwarves, qunari and even mages.”

Her eyes watered and she bowed deeply with gratitude. I didn’t like being bowed to, so I pulled her up and smiled at her. I said goodbye and followed my companions out the door and to the Winter Palace.

* * *

 

I hated the Winter Palace and everything that The Game entailed. It was twisting and contorting and full of malice and malcontent. Was it truly so difficult to simply say what you wanted? How anybody thrived on court intrigue and backstabbing was beyond me. I would never understand our Ambassador and Spymaster. Evie was good at playing the Game, but she did not enjoy it.

Despite the chaos of the evening, it ended well enough. Dorian and I were fortunate to avoid getting blood on our clothing, but Evie had not been so lucky. Poor Bull was drenched in the stuff. The rest of our inner circle had the fortune to miss out on all the action. It hadn’t been planned; all the snooping around in the servant’s quarters and the royal wing, but things never went as planned.

By the end of our adventure, Duchess Florianne was taken away in chains, and the three warring powers of Orlais were outsmarted by the Inquisitor. Being subjected to very serious charges, Briala, Celene and Gaspard were manipulated into working together. I didn’t think the arrangement would be a long term fix, but it would stabilize Orlais until Corypheus was defeated.

I found myself out on one of the many balcony’s overlooking the gardens. Everybody inside were toasting in Evie’s name. I wasn’t against drunken toasts, but I’d grown tired of the leering eyes of several men. The more they drank, the bolder they became. One of them even had the gall to grab my ass. Thankfully, Blackwall was nearby and came to my rescue.

Solas joined me on the balcony, leaning against the railing to my right. He was wearing the red formal attire that Cullen and Blackwall wore. He was even wearing his silly little hat.

“I’m not surprised to find you out here.” He said, “Thoughts?”

“It’s been a long night.”

“For everyone, I’d imagine.” He agreed. “It’s nearly over now. Cullen is giving the men their marching orders as we speak.” The crowd inside started cheering. Solas glanced inside and stood erect, holding his hand out for me to take. “Come, before the band stops playing, dance with me.”

The excitement in his voice made me smile and take his hand. With my free one, I reached up and snatched his hat off his head. “Only if you remove this ridiculous thing off    .”

He smirked and pulled me closer, placing his free hand on my waist. “I happen to like it, thank you very much.”

“It’s silly, regardless. How you ever managed to convince Josie it was essential is beyond me.” I set it on the railing and allowed Solas to pull me close.

“It wasn’t the Ambassador I had to convince, but the Spymaster.” He smirked mischievously. “I do enjoy seeing her feathers ruffled.”

I laughed, “Only you would be brave enough to go toe to toe with Leliana.”

He began the dance, leading me where I needed to be. The more comfortable I became with the steps, the closer he pulled me. It wasn’t until I was flush against him with my face resting on his chest, was he content. I relaxed against him and closed my eyes. He rarely allowed public display of affections. I was going to enjoy every second of this because I was almost certain it would never happen again.

We continued dancing long after the band stopped playing, but we were moving to a beat only Solas could hear.

“You looked ethereal tonight.” He said in almost a whisper. I smiled into his chest and gave him a light squeeze. “It is a shame you did not have more time to enjoy the party. I’d forgotten how much I enjoy the heady blend of power, intrigue, danger and sex that permeates these events.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“You did not?”

We stopped dancing, but stayed wrapped in each other’s arms.

“I was busy sneaking through hallways and passages, trying to keep Evie from being assassinated by Venatori.” He chuckled.

He moved his hands to my shoulders and stepped back so he could look down at me. “Come, Vhenan. It seems our time here at the Winter Palace is at an end.”

I glanced inside to see Evie and Cullen motioning for us to join them inside. On one hand I wanted to run as far away from the palace as possible, but on the other, I didn’t want to leave the warm embrace of Solas’s arms. I wasn’t given a choice, however. Solas placed his hand on my lower back and gently motioned me inside.

As we approached the carriages that were to take us back to our rented Chateau, I paused. I grabbed Solas’s hand to keep him from entering without me.

“Promise me something.” He nodded his head, “I really enjoyed our dance.” I paused and stared down at the ground, looking for a shred of courage. I was horrible at discussing my feelings and it made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. “Your touch makes me feel safe. Wanted. I know you’re not somebody who enjoys public displays of affection. But, maybe you could compromise a little?”

He answered with a gentle kiss on my lips. “It is not like I dislike affection, in fact it is quite the opposite. It has been a long time since I have found somebody who can pull my attention from the Fade.”

Evie opened the carriage door, “Are you two coming, or are you going to stand out here all night? I have a date with my bed.”

Solas and I smiled and turned towards the Inquisitor. He took my hand and offered to assist me inside. I took his offer. To prove he’d taken my request to heart, after lifting me gently into the carriage, he gave my butt a little pat where Evie could see. Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline and she pinned me with a look that meant we were going to have a girl’s night very soon.

I sat between Evie and Solas and gave the driver the all clear. I was passed out on the Dread Wolf’s shoulder before we reached the Chateau.

 

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the lack of updates! I've been busy with the holidays and of course, I've been sick :( Stupid stomach bug!!! 
> 
> To make up for my slack, I'm giving you this fun and exciting chapter!

There was no rest for the wicked. All of us had hoped for a small respite after the chaos of the Winter Palace, but that was not the case. Leliana received reports of an uprising of a group of men calling themselves the Freeman of the Dales. They had people terrorizing both the Exalted Plains and the Emerald Graves. A man by the name of Fairbanks sent a request to the Inquisition. Help him rid the forest of the Freeman so the civilians could live in peace. Evie was not a person who could deny somebody help. So, the day after our return, we were gearing up for a long trek to the Dales. We would split into two parties once we reached the Exalted Plains. Cassandra would lead Dorian, Sera, and Blackwall to rid the plains of the freeman, while Evie would take me, Solas, Iron Bull and Cole to the Emerald Graves.

The Emerald Graves was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. The large green forest spread out before us seemingly untouched by humans. The only signs of habitation were the scattered statues of the Chantry and the wolves of the Emerald Knights. The fact that they all remained completely untouched was amazing. Off in the distance I spotted a large fenced off area that protected a small chateau. The fencing didn’t deter from the beauty of the area, in fact, it added to its charm.  

We approached a pathway that cut into the stone bluff. Rashvine grew unchecked along the sides and several deposits of Bloodstone and Pyrophite. Iron Bull seemed interested in mining out the ore, but we didn’t have time. Evie patted him on the back and told him we would come back after we assist Fairbanks.  

The pathway opened up into a small encampment. There was a thick tension in the air. These people were afraid. We found Fairbanks looking over several sheets of parchments laid across a make-shift desk. His brows were furrowed in frustration. Whatever he was reading was not good news. He heard our approach and straightened his posture and hid his distress behind a mask of indifference.

“You must be Fairbanks.” Evie held her hand out towards the man.

He shook it, “I am. And you must be the Inquisitor.”

She nodded her head, “I am. My agents said you have information for the Inquisition.”

“Straight to the point. Very well. You have encountered the Freeman? Aggressive bastards, no?” None of us had actually encountered any. Our strike team in the Exalted Plains however, had. We just nodded politely and encouraged him to continue. “They’ve killed a dozen of my people. We’ve tried to fight, but we cannot match their strength. You can. Why should you care about this, you ask? Because the Freeman are colluding with your enemy.”

Evie cocked her head to the side like a confused puppy, “Which enemy do you mean?”

“The rogue templars. I’ve seen them through the woods, heading for the Freeman bases, leaving with crates. Destroy the Freemen, and they’ll lead you straight to the Red Templars. This I promise.”

Evie’s face was grim. “We will look into this, Fairbanks. You have my word.”

“All my information about the Freemen is right here.” He lifted the stack of parchment he had been reading before our arrival. “Help us, and everything I know about the Dales, about these woods, I will share with the Inquisition.”

The information was sketchy at best and did little to give us a sense of direction. There were a handful of spots where red templars had been seen. We decided to check out those locations first. They seemed to be our best chance at getting to the bottom of the issue.

The forest was as deadly as it was beautiful. Just as I began to become complacent with our stroll, the largest bear I’d ever seen came barreling towards us. We’d faced bears before in the Hinterlands, but this creature dwarfed it. Standing on its hind legs, it made Bull seem like a small child. The Qunari roared at the beast, thrilled to be fighting a creature so large. The rest of us weren’t as excited. Thanks to Solas’s ice magic, we were able to slow the beast down enough to take it down.

After that, none of us relaxed. We moved through the trees on high alert. Wolves and great bears roamed a plenty here and they did not take kindly to visitors. I felt guilt every time we had to kill one. They were only defending their homes. They didn’t deserve such a fate.

We found the group of templars standing around a broken cart going through the contents of a crate. They didn’t hear us approaching, which gave us the edge. Normally with two mages, fighting templars would be difficult, but if they didn’t see us coming, we had the advantage. Solas and I ended the fight before it could begin with a deadly combination of ice and storm. Bull grumbled his disappointment when we didn’t save anything for him to kill. We shifted through the contents of the cart and found information pertaining to prisoners being held in a cave not for to the east.

We methodically took out each of the bands of red templars. The prisoners were being held close by, so we detoured over and released them. They were thankful and promised to tell Fairbanks what we did for them. Our job wasn’t finished yet. We needed to find the Freeman’s base of operations. Luckily for us, we found a map with directions to a villa to the west, presumably the one I spotted earlier.

Several hours, and a handful of lyrium potions later, the leader of the Freemen fell to Evie’s daggers. He refused to lay down arms and we were forced to kill him. We left the villa in low spirits. The day had been filled with nothing but death and destruction. Saving the refugees from the cells was about the only thing that didn’t end in bloodshed. Just when we thought the day couldn’t get any worse, a high dragon roared overhead and let loose an icy breath attack only feet from our path.

The bright blue and yellow dragon landed in front of us and roared. Evie and Solas swore, Bull shouted something in a foreign language and I stood there trying not to piss myself. I’d never seen a dragon up close before. They were much larger and more intimidating than I could have imagined. The pure power radiating off the beast set my hair on end.

It was flight or fight, and I didn’t see an escape route. Bull and Evie were already charging towards the great dragon. Solas cast a barrier around the both of them and readied a fire spell.. I pulled my staff off my back and called on storm magic.

It was the longest, hardest battle of my life. Not even fighting the hordes of red templars at Haven wore me out as fast as this. The dragon was relentless. If Solas or I failed to conjure a barrier in time, Bull and Evie risked being eviscerated by deadly claws and fangs. The dragon took flight to avoid a particularly powerful meteor shower conjured by Solas. It retaliated with a breath attack that forced Solas and I to dive out of the way. With his concentration shattered, the meteors stopped and the dragon landed once more.

Once on the ground, the dragon spread out its wings and conjured a whirlwind of energy that pulled us towards her. The magic and wind came to stop once all of us were in range of her deadly claws. She pulled back her clawed hand and swung at us. Solas’s barrier prevented the attack from causing damage on impact, but dissolved with the force of it.

I hit a statue everything went dark.

* * *

 

Solas’s heart nearly stopped when he saw and heard Kanani hit he statue. She crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap with blood trickling down the side of her face. He wanted to rush to her side, but he couldn’t turn his back on the great beast before him. He threw back a lyrium potion and began casting with borrowed energy. Fire roared from his staff. He tried to reign in the true strength of his magic to avoid prying questions, but now was not the time to worry about such things. If he did not end this fight now, they would all perish.

Finally, the great beast fell. Iron Bull cheered with an enthusiasm that was usually reserved for the bedroom. In his battle rage, he hadn’t noticed Kanani fall. Evie hadn’t either, not at first. It wasn’t until she turned to give her friend a high-five that she spotted the elf crumpled in the grass. She let out a strangled cry that mirrored the pain in his heart and rushed to Kanani’s side.

Solas was already kneeling beside her, casting the strongest healing spell he could muster with the remainder of his mana reserves. Her injuries were limited to her head. The blood rushing down her face stemmed from a laceration on the top of her head where she’d cracked her skull against the statue. The wound looked worse than it was, much to Solas’s relief.

“Is she alright?” Evelyn asked once he finished casting.

He met the cat green eyes of the Inquisitor and nodded. “I have healed her injuries. She will wake up when she is ready.”

Evelyn fought back tears and looked down at Kanani. “All that blood.”

“Head wounds bleed the worst, even if they are minor.” Iron Bull said as he approached them. He placed a large hand on Evelyn’s shoulder. “She’s a fighter, Boss.”

It was decided that they would make camp for the night. It wasn’t smart to try and make it back to Fairbank’s camp in the dark with an injured companion. Bull carried her into the villa they just exited and placed her on one of the many empty beds. Solas dismissed the Qunari and voted to stay by her side in case she woke up. He would not trust her care to anybody but his own. He knew Evelyn was trustworthy and would do anything for his Vhenan, but he did not trust the Bull.

Sitting on the side of her bed, he stared down at her tattooed face and wondered when she captured his heart. Never in all his many years has anybody pulled his attention from the Fade as she did. She was a wonder to him, a miracle. The one bright soul in a sea of darkness. A spark of life that deserved so much more than the fleeting years given to her.

She knew his true identity and didn’t fear him. How she had known was still a mystery to him, but he was a patient man. He knew she was still withholding information from him, but he was not one to judge or pry. How could he when he too was withholding information.

He traced the intricate designs of her vallaslin. He despised the true meanings to the tattoos, but didn’t have the heart to tell her of their origins. No matter how beautiful their design or the way the blue ink made her eyes seem larger and brighter, he wished her free of their hold. The Evanuris no longer walked Thedas, but if his plan came into fruition, that may change. He did not want her at their mercy, for the vallaslin hand power the Dalish didn’t understand.

She whimpered and pulled away from his touch. He withdrew his hand and watched as her beautiful blue eyes opened. She blinked several times before looking around the room. Her eyes settled on him and scrunched in confusion. For the second time that day, Solas’s heart threatened to stop.

“I know you…” She whispered before shaking her head and looking around once more. “Where am I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Insert evil laughter here*


	26. Chapter 26

I sat on a feathered mattress surrounded by people I barely knew. I knew their faces and their names, but little else. The gathering of people were strange. A human, a qunari and an elf. I almost chuckled to myself. All I was missing was a dwarf and I would have the beginnings to a very bad joke. They all looked down at me with worried looks on their faces and looks of recognition. I felt like a cornered halla.

“What is the last thing you remember?” The elf, Solas, asked me.

I remembered his name clearly. His name brought forth a strange mix of feelings I didn’t understand. I pushed down the emotions and struggled to answer his question. I remembered the Conclave, but there were other flashes of memories, more recent ones, only they were fragmented so badly I could barely make heads or tails out of them.

I remembered Fegan grabbing my arm in anger and Solas being there to stop him.

I remembered Fegan pinning me to a tree with a blade at my throat. Solas arriving just in time and killing him.

I remembered sitting at a large table in a human tavern playing cards with a large group of people.

I remembered sitting up all night giggling over a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates with Evie.

I remembered dancing on the balcony of the Winter Palace with Solas, dressed in a beautiful blue gown.

My companions continued to stare at me expectantly. They needed an answer. I stared into my lap, clasping my hands together, unsure how to answer it. I had plenty of memories, but that’s all they were. _I_ hadn’t been the one to live them. The thought scared me to death. If it hadn’t been me doing all those things, who was it? Had I been possessed? Was there a demon burrowed deep in the depths of my soul?

“Do you think it is amnesia?” Evelyn asked. She was wringing her hands together nervously, much like I was doing. Whoever had been parading around in my body sure meant a lot to this human.

“I believe it is much more complicated than that.” Solas answered. “Do you remember what happened in the fade?”

“How could I ever forget?” She answered softly.

“What are you guys not telling me?” The Qunari asked. He looked between Solas and Evelyn with an intimidating look that made me want to run for my life.

“We left it out of our reports because a lot of it was very personal.” Evelyn answered.

Solas reached out and touched my hand. I jumped and pulled away. I regretted it the moment I noticed the hurt flash across his grey-blue eyes. I was not used to being touched so openly by anybody. My clan was not a touchy-feely one and everybody always gave me a wide berth because they thought I was touched by the Dread Wolf. People did not touch me unless they wanted something from me. Fegan, for example.

“When my memories returned, we learned that Kana had been with me when I entered the fade the first time.”

Evelyn delved into the story of her regained memory. I sat blown away by the story. Surely she was mistaken. Two spirits in one body was unheard of unless a demon possessed a mage. Panic bubbled in the pit of my stomach and I found myself unable to stay in the crowded room. I needed fresh air. I jumped to my feet and darted from the room before any of them could react.

I found my way outside and stopped. I was standing in the most beautiful forest I’d ever laid my eyes on. There was magic in the earth here. I could feel it tingling across my skin. These trees were old, ancient even.

Light footsteps moved behind me. Evelyn, I thought. Too heavy for an elf and much too light for a qunari as large as the Iron Bull. I contemplated running, but didn’t see the need. She wasn’t here to hurt me, only talk. She stepped up beside me and stared out at the vast forest.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” She asked.

“It’s beautiful and sad. This place is filled with the bones of my people. The Emerald March, a field of trees, one for each of the Emerald Knights who pledged to protect the Dales. I never thought I would see such a place with my own eyes.”

Evelyn sighed, a sound that tugged at the strings of my heart. “You’re really not her, are you?”

I looked up at the rogue. Her green and gold eyes stood out against the golden tan of her skin, brightened by the glisten of unshed tears. I glanced away, unable to stand the emotion of that look. Nobody had ever looked at me like that before. Her eyes were full of concern, love and friendship.

“No, I’m not.” I said almost sadly.

“Is she still in there somewhere?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Probably. I was here the entire time she was in charge.”

A second set of footsteps approached. Solas stood on my other side “She is still there. The magic required to separate your souls would be astonishing.”

The hopeful look Evelyn gave Solas crushed my heart. She didn’t speak, but sometimes a look could speak volumes. She wanted to know if it was possible to bring _her_ Kana back. I stepped away from the two of them. For a moment I thought these people were my friends, that I could trust them. I had been wrong. They didn’t want me. They wanted her. The other me.

Iron Bull stood in the doorway to the villa, watching the interaction. He shook his head and clicked his tongue like a disappointed mother. “Boss, you really need to learn how to control your facial expressions.”

Evelyn’s eyes widened and she glanced at me. Regret was plain in her eyes, but the damage was done. She reached out and I stepped away. “Kana, I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

A part of me knew she hadn’t meant to hurt me, but I also knew she would never see me as anybody other than her friend.

“Ir abelas, vhenan…Lethallan.” Solas apologized.

My eyes widened at the slip of endearment. Vhenan was a serious endearment, used only for those who found their soul mate. I took another step away from them. These two loved the other woman deeply.

“Damn, guys. You have her scared out of her wits.” Bull shook his head. “Listen, Kana. We know you’re not the other you. While you’ve been…away, for a lack of a better term, the other you has made a lot of friends and done a lot of good work for the people of Thedas. It will take time to adjust to this new arrangement, but I’m sure we can work something out.”

I’d made friends? Me, the anti-social, pariah of the Dalish, had friends? The broken fragments of memories flooded my mind, flashing images of all the people who called me friend. Varric, Sera, Dorian, Blackwall, and Cassandra. I shook my head, trying to shake the images from my mind. No, they didn’t call me friend. They called _her_ friend.

I shook my head and began speaking in elven. “ _You’ll never see me as anybody other than her.”_ I stared down at my hands and my eyes welled up with tears, “ _I can’t be the other woman. I’m just me, a cast away, unwanted Dalish._ ”

I’d known some of the ancient language, but never enough to hold entire conversations in it. The fact that I had just spoken in elven startled me.

Solas took a hesitant step forward, hold his hands out in a gesture of peace. He too was speaking in elven, only his accent was different than anything I’d ever heard before. “ _I know this has been a shock for you, Lethallan, but you must endure this. You and she are intricately tied together. There cannot be one without the other.”_

“ _How can you of all people say that? You called me your heart. Do you truly know the meaning of the word? You don’t love me, Solas, you love the human soul trapped in this body._ ”

He dropped his hands and met my eyes, “ _I know the meaning of the word far better than you know. It is obvious to me that you are not her, but that does not mean I do not wish to get to know you._ ”

“ _No, you only want to find a way to bring her back. How can I stay here knowing that is what you plan? Don’t I have a right to live?_ ”

“Would you two stop talking in gibberish?” Bull growled.

Solas glared at Bull for interrupting our conversation, but I was thankful for it. I took the opportunity and enveloped myself in a wave of magic. In a blink of an eye, I stood on the paws of a wolf. I didn’t wait for the reaction of my companions, I turned tail and ran into the forest.

* * *

 

Evelyn stared in shock as she watched her best friend turn into a cream colored wolf. When she turned and ran from them, her heart broke. The tears she’d done well to keep in check cascaded down her face in a small waterfall. Iron Bull patted her gently on the shoulder and pulled her into a friendly hug.

“She just needs time to work things out. She’s had a lot of information dumped on her in a short period of time. The fact that she turned into a wolf was fucking crazy though.” Bull comforted.

She pulled away from Bull and looked over at Solas. He was as emotionally attached as she was to Kana. His face was the perfect mask of aloofness, but his eyes told a different story. There was a war going in that mind of his. He was torn between staying and giving chase.

Evelyn placed a comforting hand on Solas’s arm. He looked over at her and offered her a friendly smile. He appreciated the gesture.

Bull was kind enough to give the two of them space and headed inside.

“Do you think she will be alright by herself?” She asked as a pack of wolves howled in the distance. Would the wolves see Kana as one of them, or as an enemy. What about the great bears? There was so much danger in these woods. She shouldn’t be out there alone.

“She is Dalish, raised in forests such as these. If anybody could traverse them without being seen, it will be her. Her wolf form will give her an advantage.”

“How can you remain so calm?”

“Would it do any good to panic?”

“I suppose not.”

They remained there in silence, neither one willing to go inside. Both wanting to be there in case Kana returned.

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy maker! Would you look at that! 2000 hits already! *happy dance* You guys are super awesome and thank all of you who have stayed with me!

I wondered the wilderness for two days before returned to my elven from. Traveling as a wolf was one of the reasons I was marked as “touched by the Dread Wolf” by my clan. The superstition was unreasonable and ridiculous. Wolves were not inherently evil. They were loyal family animals that defended their lands and their own with a ferocity that deserved respect, not fear.

I’d found a small encampment on the southern edge of the Emerald Graves. I’d done a lot of thinking over the past two days. Perhaps it had been childish of me to run from Evelyn and Solas. They deserved better than the treatment I gave them. They were only trying to help me. Sure, they wanted their friend and lover back, but who could honestly blame them. If it was me, I would probably do the same thing. I’d never had a real family or friends, but I would fight to the death for any I might make.

Every time I thought about Evie or Solas, my heart would flutter and clench. Emotions new to me would rise to the surface and I struggled against the urge to run back to them. They weren’t my feelings. They were hers.

I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn’t even know her name. I wondered if anybody did.

I lingered on the outskirts of the encampment. Would they welcome a Dalish here? Would I be treated like a servant, or perhaps a monster that stole children in the night?

Standing around out here wasn’t getting me anywhere. I took a deep breath and walked through the stone archway.

Several humans stopped and looked at me, but returned to their business without any judgmental sneers. _That is new._ I thought to myself. Perhaps Iron Bull was right. My other soul had done some good in the world. To see an elf treated as equally as a human was a rare sight indeed. Feeling a little better about myself, I walked with more confidence.

“Ah, Lady Lavellan.” A man stopped me with a wave of his hand. I gave him my full attention, wondering how in the world he knew my name. “I was told to give you this in case you came through here.” He handed me a folded up piece of parchment.

“Thank you.”

The courier smiled and went back to work. I unfolded the parchment. It was written in elven, so I could only assume it was written by Solas.

_Lethallan,_

_I know you are coming to terms with a lot of information, but know that you will always have a place at my side, and that of the Inquisition. I have seen into Sara’s mind and through hers, I saw you. Your memories. You and she are very much alike, and I truly do wish to get to know you._

_The Inquisitor, Iron Bull, and I are headed to the Exalted Plains to help a friend of mine who is being held against their will. It pains me deeply to leave you alone in the Emerald Graves, but I fear for my friend’s life. Please, Kanani, seek us out. Let us help you through this troubling time._

I reread the letter several times before I folded it back up and slipped it into my armor. So, her name is Sara. It was a pretty name, and it was nice to have something to call her by. I steeled my resolve and headed towards the Exalted Plains.

* * *

 

The bright side of being able to run as a wolf is that I travel much faster than three people on foot. I managed to pick up their trail late the next morning. I’d run through the night, afraid that if I waited too long, I would lose the trail. I found them deep in the Exalted Plains not far from a Dalish camp. I came to a skidding halt at what I found.

Bull, Evie and Solas were dancing around a pride demon while attempting to break several stone pillars that formed the outskirt of a summoning circle. Off to the left were three human mages cowering in fear of the demon before them. They feared what would happen once the bindings were broken and the demon was free. I didn’t fault them their fear, but I knew that Evie wouldn’t be doing this if there was a chance that innocents would be hurt in the process.

The demon raised its massive hand and conjured a lightning whip. It turned towards Iron Bull, who had his blind side towards it. He would never see the attack coming.

_Help him!_ A voice screamed in the back of my mind.

I yelped with the force and shock of the command. My body moved on its own accord, running towards the demon. I changed from wolf to elf in the span of a single breath and magic swelled in my right hand. An electrical arcane blade appeared and I took it. I threw myself into a fade step and appeared between the demon and Bull. I raised my blade over my head and braced for impact. Lightning met lightning and thunder boomed across the plains. The pride demon bellowed with rage.

All combatants turned and faced the source of the sound, all surprised by what they saw.

Iron Bull gave me a nod of his massive head, “Nice save, Pup.” He pulled his massive weapon over his head and brought it down on the stone pillar with enough force it shattered into thousands of shrapnel that would have cut us to ribbons had Solas not cast a barrier around us.

“Keep it distracted while we finish this, but do not harm it!” Solas ordered.

I nodded in affirmation, and turned back towards the demon. The voice that urged me into battle only moments before spoke once more, this time without command.

_That is his friend, Wisdom. With no binding or orders to kill, it will revert back to its true form._

I answered the voice with a silent, I answered the voice with a silent, _Yes ma’am_. I struck at the demon with a bolt of electricity knowing it wouldn’t hurt the beast. It bellowed at her and raised its enormous fists in the air to bring down on my skull. Solas’s magic slipped over my body like a warm bath covering me in a powerful barrier. I raised my blade over head to lessen the blow only to be sent skidding backwards into one of the pillars.

_While I’m here,_ I thought casually, I brought a powerful telekinetic blast down on it, crushing it into dust.

The demon and pummeled me repeatedly, trying its hardest to break my barrier, but every time its whip and my blade connected, my barrier gained strength. However, I was not. My arms were threatening to turn into wet noodles.

Just when I thought I was going to be turned to jelly, there was a release of magic and the pride demon vanished. In its place knelt a translucent elven woman whose energy flickered dangerously low.

Solas pushed past me and knelt before the woman, pain etched in his deep blue eyes. “Lethallin, Ir abelas.”

Wisdom shook her head, and answered in elven, “ _I’m not. I’m happy. I’m me again. You helped me. Now, you must endure. Guide me into death._ ”

Solas looked away from her with his eyes closed. He took a deep breath and met her eyes, “ _As you say.”_ With a simple hand gesture and a tiny flicker of magic, the spirit faded from our world. “Dareth Shiral.”

His pain broke a piece of my heart and I found myself stepping closer. “I heard what it said. It was right. You did help it.”

He rose to his feet, “Now I must endure.”

I remembered his words to me a few days ago, encouraging me to endure. It seemed almost cruel that his own words were used against him. “Let me know if I can help.”

“You already have.”

He started to walk towards me, but the sight of the three cowering mages caught his attention. Sorrow turned to rage so powerful his magic burned with it. I could feel the heat of his aura from where I stood.

“All that remains is them.” He snarled.

The fat one with dark hair took lead, wringing his hands together nervously. “Thank you. We would not have risked a summoning, but the roads are too dangerous to travel unprotected.”

Solas stalked forward like a wolf on the prowl. The mages backed up, but they should have ran. They underestimated the fury of the elf before them. How could they not feel the heat of the fire burning in his soul?

“You tortured and killed my friend.”

“We didn’t know it was just a spirit! The book said it could help us!”

Wrong thing to say. Fire erupted from Solas in a blast so strong it incinerated the three mages before they could even scream. The power required to conjure such magic was unheard of. I stood baffled and almost afraid.

“Damn them all.” Solas turned towards Evelyn. “I need some time alone. I will meet you back at Skyhold.” He headed towards the tree line off in the distance. The opposite direction of Skyhold.

Evelyn could only nod her head. She wasn’t going to stop him? It was dangerous for a mage so overwhelmed by emotions to be left unattended. They attracted demons. The thought of losing Solas to a demon tore at my heart. I brought my hands to my chest in an attempt to keep the pain at bay.

_Go after him!_

I looked between Evie and Solas’s backside. I was torn. Did I follow the elf that somehow held my heart in his hands, or did I stay with the Inquisitor who also held a piece of me?

Evie caught my distress and gave me a sad smile. “Even though you’re not the Kana we knew, you still love him, don’t you?”

Was this what love felt like? I stared at Solas’s shrinking form and caught myself taking a step in his direction.

“Go after him.”

I glanced back at Evie and over at Bull. He gave me an encouraging nod. “Go on, Pup. I’ll escort the Boss back home safely.”

I didn’t understand these feelings that overwhelmed me, but I couldn’t ignore them. I ran towards Solas, barely holding back the urge to call after him.

Without breaking his stride, he glanced over at me when I caught up with him. “Please, Lethallan, I need time alone.”

“You don’t have to mourn alone, Solas. You have me and them.” I motioned towards Bull and Evie.

He stopped and looked me in the eyes. The sadness and rage melted into gentle warmth. “It has been so long since I could trust someone.”

“I’m not the woman you want me to be, but I still feel her in here.” I placed my hand over my heart and touched my temple. “She does not want you to be alone, and neither do I. Please, let me come with you.”

“Come, then. There is a place not far that I would like to show you.” He dropped his hand from my shoulder and reached out for my hand. He didn’t take it, instead waited to see what I would do. I hesitated a moment before my hand moved on its own. His was large and warm, still simmering with the heat below his skin. The smile that graced his face was worth the strangeness of my body moving of its own volition. I was beginning to think that Sara wasn’t as unaware of my surroundings as I had been.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a doozy! I wanted to break it up into two chapters, but the first part just wasn't long enough to warrant it. With that being said, I really hope you enjoy this chapter.

I stood in awe of the temple before me. Buried deep within the heart of the Emerald Graves, it was mostly untouched by mankind. The stone was weather-beaten and moss covered, and was beautiful. Standing guard on either side of the doors were wolves with their head drawn back in howl. I reached up and touched the ivory wolf dangling from my neck. They were identical.

Solas approached the door and placed the palm of his hand on the stone. A dozen glyphs lit up, sending magical energy buzzing through the air. I ran my hands up my arms to stave off the itchy sensation it caused. With a thrust of magic, Solas dispersed the wards. The doors opened without ever touching them.  He turned towards me, bowed and motioned for me to enter.

I stepped into the dark temple and summoned mage light to see by. The walls were covered in frescos that held the same art style that Solas painted in Skyhold.  The one that drew my attention was of a male elf kneeling in front of a woman with his hands on either side of her face, giving off blue magic. Surrounding them were a group of men and women some with Vallaslin and some without.  The ones without the vallaslin seemed happier, which confused me.

Solas walked down the center of the large room, lighting the braziers with blue fire. He approached an altar that stood at the back of the room. Behind the altar stood another giant wolf statue, this one however looked like the many that decorated the Emerald Grave’s landscape.

I followed him to the altar. Sitting in the middle of the dais was a golden bowl guarded by two smaller wolf figurines.

“This is a Temple of Fen’Harel.” I stated in amazement. There were dozens of temples dedicated to the rest of the Evanuris, but very few for the Dread Wolf. It fueled the belief that the Dread Wolf was not a god to be worshipped openly.

“It is.” He replied. He titled his head a little to the side, studying me, trying to gauge my reaction. Most Dalish would shy away from this place because they did not want the Dread Wolf to catch their scent.

I was not most Dalish.

“It is beautiful. How did this place survive untouched by humans?”

“I’d wager the protective wards kept them at bay. Any mage of true talent could have by passed them, but since the humans locked away all the mags…” He shrugged.

I turned in a slow circle, drinking in the sights. This was true history, not tales passed down by the Keeper. I approached the fresco of the man and woman. Out of all the paintings in the room, this one drew my attention the most. The man looked familiar, but I did not know any man with long auburn hair. I studied the contours of his features, drawn to the blue paint symbolizing magic. He was casting something, but what?

“He’s removing her vallaslin.” I guessed out loud.

“Correct. They are slave markings, or at least they were in the time of ancient Arlathan.”

I turned away from the fresco to look at Solas. “My Keeper said they honored the gods. These are their symbols.”

“Yes. That’s right. A noble would mark his slaves to honor the god he worshipped. After Arlathan fell, the Dalish forgot.”

I could hardly believe it. I knew from what memories I had from Sara, that Solas was very knowledgeable about the ancient ways because of his ability as a dreamer. The Dalish knew very little of the truth, but to miss something as important as this?

“So, this is…what? Just one more thing the Dalish got wrong?”

“I’m sorry.”

I touched my face where Mythal’s vallaslin graced my cheekbones. I’d always questioned how much the Dalish truly knew, but I never would have guessed that the vallaslin were slave markings. I let out a ragged breath.

“We try to preserve our culture, and this is what we keep? Relics of a time when we were no better than Tevinter?” I looked away.

“I didn’t tell you this to hurt you. If you like, I know a spell. I can remove the vallaslin.”

I hesitated. “These marks have been part of me for so long. I don’t know if…”

Solas cupped my cheek and tilted my head so I was looking into his eyes. “I’m so sorry for causing you pain. It was selfish of me. I look at you, and see what you truly are. And you deserve better than what those cruel marks represent.”

“Do you see me, or her?”

“I see you both.” His eyes spoke the truth.

“Then cast your spell. Take the vallaslin away.”

“Sit.”

Together, we knelt before the altar, mirroring the fresco beside me. Solas brought his hands either side of my face. Aqua blue magic flowed around them as he traced the contours of my face. His magic felt like a breath of fresh air against my skin. It traced the lines of my tattoo, removing the ink and magic that was etched into my skin. When the light of his spell disappeared, he dropped his hands and smiled at me.

“Ar lasa mala revas. You are free.” He helped me to my feet. Solas cupped my uppers arms gently and studied my face, newly freed from the tattoos. His eyes lit up and his smile widened.

“You are so beautiful.”

I blushed and turned away, unable to take the intensity of his gaze. That look was not meant for me, but for Sara. I did not deserve that look. I found myself once again staring at the fresco. My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat. I found myself looking back at Solas, disbelief written all over my face.

“That’s you, in the painting. But how…” Realization dawned on me and I suddenly felt faint. “You’re him. You’re Fen’Harel.”

Every warning I’d ever heard in regards to the Dread Wolf screamed in my mind. _Don’t let the Dread Wolf catch your scent._ The wolf more than had my scent. He had my heart and soul, both of them. I clasped my hand around the ivory wolf pendant and worked on keeping my breaths calm and even. It would look poorly if I fainted.

“Does she know?” I asked

“She does. Does this information frighten you?” He had taken a respectful step back to give me breathing room. Or room to run. His expression was guarded, but I could see insecurity lingering in the shadows. He was afraid of rejection. I felt uneasy knowing I held a god’s heart in the palm of my hand. How did Sara attract the attention of Fen’Harel, much less have him fall in love with her. Was she truly that amazing?

_No, I’m not._

I rubbed my temples, trying to stave of the headache that was coming. It happened last time she spoke in my mind.

_Answer him. Please, Kana, look at him and answer truthfully. Does he scare you?_

I met Solas’s eyes and shook my head. I answered both of their questions, “No, I’m not afraid.”

He gifted me with a small smile. “That is a relief.”

* * *

 

That night was the first time I’d ever fallen asleep in a place with so much history. I allowed myself to be swept into the fade by Solas. The dream shifted to mirror the temple in which we slept. The walls were brighter and there were no signs of dust or cobwebs. It was what it looked like in its prime.

Solas stood in front of the altar, watching me stare in wonder. I was unable to hide my childish wonder and grinned. This was amazing. I’d never shared a dream with anybody before. The ability was a Dreamers, and theirs alone.

“Can you show me more than this temple? I’d love to see more history. I’d always had a fascination for the past, even though finding evidence of truth was next to impossible. But you, you _lived_ it. Tell me about Arlathan.”

“Imagine spires of crystal twinning through the branches of the forests, palaces floating among the clouds. Imagine beings who lived forever, for whom magic was as natural as breathing.”

“Did the ancient elves use magic to increase their lifespan?”

He shook his head, “No. It was simply part of being elven. The subtle beauty of their magic was the effect, not the cause, of their nature. Some spells took years to cast. Echoes would linger for centuries, harmonizing with new magic in and unending symphony. It was beautiful.”

He stared off over my shoulder, lost in memories. His words painted a beautiful picture in my mind and I wished I could see Arlathan with my own eyes. “It sounds beautiful.”

“There is something I would like to try. An experiment if you will.” Solas clasped his hands behind his back and stood rigid. He was nervous.

“What kind of experiment do you have in mind?”

“All minds travel to the fade when they sleep with the exception of dwarves. It would seem logical that Sara is here in the fade somewhere as well. I would like to see if she can be brought here. I do not know how this will affect you. If for some reason, this causes you any pain, I will stop and not force the issue.”

I shook my head. “You want me to give up myself? How can you ask me to do something like that?”

“Stop. That is not what I meant. I would never suggest something like that. You deserve your freedom just as much as anybody else. What I meant was I would summon her here, beside you.”

That, I could live with. “Do you promise?”

“You have my word, Lethallan.”

I gave him the go ahead and he began weaving magic in a manor I’d never seen before. It sent shivers down my spine and I felt a tingle in the back of my mind. Solas finished his spell and pushed the magic outwards across the fade. There was an audible pop and the tingle disappeared.

“Solas…” A woman’s voice whispered in disbelief beside me.

She was a few inches taller than me, but shorter than Solas. Her hair was thick and wavy, hanging almost down to the middle of her back. She stared at Solas with wide green eyes the color of spring grass laced with gold around the pupil. She was human, but there was a slight point to her ears that made me think she might be elf blooded.

“I did not think it would be that easy.” Solas’s eyes warmed and he took a step closer to the human.

“You underestimate yourself, Ma’fen.”

It was obvious the woman cared deeply for Solas. The use of elven caught me off guard, but I supposed she picked up some of the language while riding around in my body. I stiffened. It finally dawned on me that this was the woman who stole my freedom.

_No, she didn’t steal it._ I chastised myself. _Something happened in the fade that merged our souls. She was too badly injured to have taken my body by force._

“Kana.” Sara spoke my name. I shook the perverse thoughts from my mind. She was innocent in all of this. Just a victim, like myself.

“Sara.” I replied.

“It’s good to finally meet you face to face.” She glanced down at the ground nervously. “I’m sorry that I took over your body. I wouldn’t have done so if I had known you were still there, buried under my consciousness.”

“I know.”

She turned to Solas, “I’m still conscious in the waking world.” Solas’s eyes widened a fraction, “I’ve been able to see through her eyes. Hear what she hears. And twice now, I’ve accidently wrestled control of her body.”

He shot me an accusatory look. “When did this happen?”

“Back in the Exalted Plains. Bull was in danger and I panicked. All I could think about was helping him. The next thing I know, I’m charging into the battle.” Sara turned to me, “I would apologize for that, but I am not sorry. I could not stand by while one of my friends was in danger.”

I shook my head, “You have nothing to apologize for. I would have done the same thing in your shoes.”

“Perhaps this is a sign that your souls are beginning to merge.” Solas contemplated.

“What will happen to us when that happens? Will we cease to exist? Will we retain both our memories or will we start with a clean slate?” I asked.

“From past experiences, it varies based on the compatibility of the souls. If they are compatible, they retain the knowledge of both. If they are not, the more dominant of the souls retains their knowledge.”

“And for us?” Sara asked.

“You two are so very much alike. I have no doubt that you will retain all of your knowledge. You will not lose yourself in the manner that you are thinking. Lethallan, you believe you will die. That is not true. You will simply become more.”

Silence fell over us. Solas and Sara stared at each other, speaking volumes with their eyes alone. It made me uncomfortable standing beside them. I was intruding on what should be a private moment. I took a step away.

I felt like the bad guy, keeping the two lovers apart. I’d never had anything like that, so I could only imagine what it would feel like to have it all torn away. Tears welled up in my eyes and I fought to keep them back. All of my life it has been one thing or another. Something always stepped in the way of happiness. I would never have love like theirs. I would never know the touch of a man. I would never have anything worth fighting for.

_Does anybody even care?_ I asked myself. The tears fell down my face and pain took me. I dropped to my knees and began to cry.

A young man appeared in a puff of grey smoke. He was tall and lanky with an overly large hat that hid his face. He knelt before me with his hands clasped tightly around my shoulders. A caring touch. One of strength and compassion. I clung to the young man and cried into his patchwork shirt, not caring that I did not even know his name.

“Cole, what are you doing here?” Solas asked.

The young man, Cole, turned his head to face my companions. “You’re hurting her. Both of you. Insignificant in the shadow of the other. Faces look but do not see. They see her, the one out of place, but me. They’ll never see me.”

Hearing my thoughts spoken out loud was unnerving. I remembered him now, Cole. He was a spirit of compassion. Sara had avoided him, fearful of him for a reason unknown to me. The reason was there, just out of reach. I tried to grasp it, but it slipped away.

Sara brought her hands to her chest, covering her heart. She too was crying. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

I was unable to find words. I knew she hadn’t. She was a kind soul. But that did not change the fact that she had hurt me. All these feelings and memories belonged to her, not me. Why did I have to feel them? It muddled things. Made me do things I wouldn’t normally do. It was the whole reason I followed Solas here in the first place.

“You never meant to hurt, but did.” Cole said to Sara, “You hurt as well, but it is healing with his help.”

“Cole, I am not certain this is a matter in which you can help.” Solas spoke.

“I have to try.”

I sniffled and wiped my tears on the sleeve of my robes. “Thank you.”

“I am not the only one who sees you. I have always seen you. Even when you lay trapped in darkness. You wondered the Fade oblivious to all around you. I visited you. Kept you company. You dreamed of fields of wildflowers and crumbled ruins. Of herds of halla and packs of wolves.”

As the spirit spoke, the memories of my time in the fade returned to me. I remembered Cole and our long talks. I remembered everything. The big dark spot in the back of my mind filled with color and images. The sickly green sky of the raw fade. Evelyn kneeling beside me and Sara, refusing to run. I remembered fade-stepping away with Sara, to force Evelyn into action.

I remembered a woman dressed in burgundy leathers and long silver-white hair appearing as my vision darkened.

Cole released me and stood up. “She remembers now. She will heal.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting really bad at updating regularly! You can blame my brother for that. He's pulled me back into playing Diablo 3. I promise, I'll try to do better!

_Staring up at the green sky of the fade I wondered how long it would take me to die, orfor a demon to find me. It was strange being physically in the fade. The raw magic around me tingled up my skin like static electricity. It was this abundance of magic that I had been able to take me and the girl away from the rogue and the charging horde of giant spiders. I applauded her determination to save us, but there was no hope for us. She could at least run. I could barely move my arms. It had taken all my physical energy to grab the girl’s hand._

_My strength was waning fast. My vision was darkening around the edges and I was beginning to lose feeling in my extremities. Despite the fact that this human girl was strangely dressed and her magic trickled across the palm of my hand like a warm fur pelt, I was glad for her presence. It meant I would not die alone._

_I had never felt anything like her magic before. It was foreign in its feel. Gentle and yet powerful. It ebbed and flowed with the weakening beat of her heart, trying in vain to heal the damage done to her body. I did not know how she acquired her injuries, but they were extensive.  I’d always been told mafic was a product of a mage’s will, not something that could acted on its own._

_Before I had any time to truly study her magic, a shadow fell over us. A woman dressed in tight burgundy armor stood at my side. Her silver-white hair was pulled away from her face to resemble the horns of a dragon. I met her golden gaze and gasped._

_“Asha’belennar.”_

_I’d met her once before shortly after I pledged myself to Mythal and received my vallaslin. Despite being human, she was well respected and highly trusted among the Dalish. She was a well of seemingly unending knowledge that she only shared in exchange for favors._

_“Kanani Lavellan. We meet again.” Her eyes lit up with amusement. “I have been waiting for you.”_

_“For me?” I asked as pain lanced through my body. I cried out in pain._

_“For you both.” She motioned to the girl. “I’m here to offer you a choice. Die here in the fade with her, or live under one condition. You join and assist the Inquisition.”_

_“What about her? She doesn’t get a choice? She’s to die?” I hissed through my teeth._

_She raised her brow and smirked, “You would save a human that you do not know?”_

_“Yes. She’s innocent.”_

_“Is she now?” My answer seemed to have amused her because she chuckled. “Very well, but her body is beyond repair. The only way she stands a chance at survival is with you. Two souls residing in a single body.”_

_That was impossible, wasn’t it? No. Demons possessed mages all the time. Their two spirits resided in a single body, but the demon always took control, shoved the person’s soul into the deepest recesses of their mind. How would having a human soul in my body affect me? Would I cease to exist or would we somehow live in harmony?_

_I cried out once more as another wave of pain wracked my body. I didn’t have long to decide. My body was declining fast. I had an hour at the longest._

_“What is the Inquisition?”_

_I needed to know what organization I was to join before I made up my mind._

_“It is forming as we speak. It is an organization that will focus on closing the breach opened in the wake of the conclave. They also wish to end the mage and templar war.”_

_Pain thrummed through my continually now. I bit back a scream of pain and my hand convulsed around the girls’ hand. She squeezed back. I was unable to hide my shock. I thought she was unaware of her surroundings. Her eyes were still closed, so perhaps it was a subconscious reaction? I grimaced. Would she rather die than live in the body of an elf? My instincts told me she wasn’t an elf hater. Her magic was far too gentle for somebody to have such petty hatreds. She was a healer._

_“Do it. I’ll serve the Inquisition.”_

_“Good.” Magic swelled around Asha’belennar. I trembled with the force of it. I’d never felt suck raw, powerful magic. “This will sting a bit.”_

_Her magic wrapped around the girl and I. At first it was cool and refreshing, but once it entered my body it turned into white hot flames that stripped the voice from my throat. The girl’s hand clamped tightly around mine. It was the only indication that she was also experiencing the same pain._

_The pain ended as quickly as it began, but a second of wave of magic swelled through me. This was held warmth and safety. Healing magic mixed with the familiar feel of electricity. Tendrils of purple electricity danced up my hand from where my hand touched the humans. As it flowed up my arm and across my chest, my vision darkened and began to fade. My magic rose up to meet the intruding force, but her magic overwhelmed mine with ease._

_By the Dread Wolf, the human was powerful._

_As my vision continued to waver in and out, Asha’belennar watched us with a curious eye. “You stand on the precipice of change. Do not fear the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment and when it come, do not hesitate to leap. It’s only when you fall that you learn whether or not you can fly.”_

I rose to my feet with the assistance of Cole. He studied me for a moment before smiling and disappearing as quickly as he had arrived. Sara and Solas were watching me with very different expressions. Sara was curious while Solas was guarded and calculating.

“What do you remember?” Sara asked.

“How we became what we are now.” I answered. I told her everything, down to my fear of her resenting me for sticking her in an elven body. Her eyes widened at the mentioning of Asha’belennar. She’d had dealings with the woman before as well, it would seem.

Solas narrowed his eyes and shook his head in disappointment. “So you just let her cast her spell? You gave this woman your complete trust?”

“Yes and I do not expect you to understand, Solas. Asha’belennar is well known and trusted among the Dalish. I had met her once before after I received my vallaslin.”

Sara stepped between Solas and myself, putting her back to him. “You saved my life. You didn’t even know me.”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “I didn’t have to know you. I’d felt your magic and I knew that it was gentle and nurturing. You deserved a chance at life, even it was unconventional. I had no idea what would happen, but I couldn’t just let us both die.”

I felt like an idiot. Ever since I’d woken, I’d been treating Sara as the villain, when in all honesty she was just a victim. She’s made the best out of a very odd situation. Waking up in an elf body had to have been a very difficult transition. She’d even unknowingly kept my end of the bargain and joined the Inquisition. I reached out and took her hands into my own.

“I owe you an apology. If anybody has the right to be angry, it’s you, and you’ve not even so much as accused me or called my names.”

Tears glistened in her eyes. “I could never hate you. You made a decision. One that saved us both. I will always be grateful for that. My life before all this was dreadful. You gave me a second chance, one that made me very happy. Even if I never walk on my own free will again, I will cherish the moments I had.”

I matched her tears with tears of my own. “Do you think we can try and co-habitat?”

“Absolutely, falon _._ ”

* * *

 

It was awe inspiring, watching Kanani and Sara come to terms with their situation. For as long humans and elves coexisted in Thedas, there had been dissension between them. For thousands of years they warred and enslaved one another. To see these to come to an accord under such strange circumstances was amazing. They both had beautiful spirits, a pair of rare jewels that needed to be cherished.

If he could find a pair of spirits of their caliber, had he completely misjudged those of born in this age? Perhaps this world was not as hopeless as he first believed.

The thought was pushed from his mind as a burst of magic exploded from the two women before him. It was powerful enough he felt it in the waking world. The force of it pulled at his consciousness, forcing him from the fade and back to reality.

Immediately he rushed to Kanani’s body. It was glowing with an aura powerful enough it hurt to look at her. The left half of her body glowed the blue of her eyes while the right gave off a soft lavender flow. Where the auras met in the center of her body, they blended into a rich periwinkle. Her back arched off her bedroll as two distinctly different magicks swirled and combined within her body. As the magic joined together in harmony, the colors swirling in her aura did the same.

Her eyes flew open as the magic settled. Her aura flickered around her, but now it was only visible to those who knew how to read them. The periwinkle was a perfect blend of Sara’s purple and Kanani’s blue. So, the merge was complete.

She rose to her feet shakily and took in her surroundings like she was seeing them for the first time. When her eyes settled on him, his eyes widened in shock. Staring at him were a pair of the most beautiful green and gold eye’s he’d ever seen. The color was striking against the light tan of her skin and her golden hair.

“Solas?”

He wanted to reach out at touch her, but he refrained. He did not know how the merge would affect her personality. “How do you feel?”

She examined her body and gave him a full, toothy grin. “I feel fantastic.”

“I hate to ask this, but I need to know. Who am I speaking with?”

She thought about it for a second and cocked her head to the side and tapped her cheek. It brought a small smile to his eyes. It was a mannerism Sara used when she was dumbfounded. “That is a very good question.” She pursed her lips and scrunched up her face. Her eyes lit up. A decision had been reached. “Just call me Kana! Not Sara or Kanani. Just Kana. Well, I supposed you can call me Vhenan, but the others. They can call me that, or whatever nickname they come up with. Hmm, what will Sera call me now that my vallaslin is missing? Can’t call my Inky when I have no ink.”

He smiled and cupped her cheek, “Vhenan it is, then.”

 

 


End file.
